23
Mar

If

What if I'm not enough?
What if we're not enough for each other?
What if you're not enough?
What if at the end of this journey, we're all strangers, trying to find the people that started this all.

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What if and what then?

What if all of the struggles and sacrifices make us resent who we have become?
What if we sit in silence for days trying to make the screaming and yelling and toddler frustration and 4 year old attention go away.
What if they kill your natural joy and what if it drives me to my knees too many times?

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What if and what then?

What if we are always running from them, from each other.
What if we close too many doors behind us?
What if they feel our loss of youth and freedom and carefree days?
What if they feel loss?
What if they feel unwanted or unloved?
What if they see us running from love?

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What if and what then?

What if it's always this loud?
What if he's always screaming?
What if she's always testing?
What if they are always fighting?
What if the crying won't stop?

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What if and what then?

What if you don't find me yours anymore?
What if my beauty fades with every tired "stop!"?
What if my scars are too much?
What if my wrinkles and grayness make you feel just as old?
What if having them tears up apart?

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What if and what then?

What if it gets worse and not better?
What if time continues to fly like this and we're not enjoying any part of them?
What if all parents don't talk about their fears and their frustrations and their tired days?
What if we all continue to pretend we live in a diaper commercial and we don't show each other the day they played with their poop?
What if we continue to put on this face of happy and wonderful?

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What if and what then?

Will we snap?
Will love not fix the broken?
Will we resent the long days and nights and whines and cries?
What if we all told each other the awful truth?
What if we admitted how hard each and every day is?
What if we admitted that 95% of the time, we struggle and it's the wonderful 5% that gets us through?
What if we all supported each other through these times?
Those times when you sneak in to find them asleep and they look perfect.
Those times when you whisper "I love you" in their ear and they say "I carry your heart mom".
Those times when they scream "mom, look!" because they are so proud and want to share it with you.
Those times when they run up to you after not seeing you all day and wrap themselves up in you.
Those times when we touch toes at night.
Those times when we hold hands when sleeping.
Those times when we fit, just perfect while snuggling.
Those times when they are in bed and we turn on our favorite shows and all we can do it sip some wine, sit in the quiet and remember that there were good parts today.

There are good parts.

What if I never found you?
What if you didn't ask me to be yours?
What if we didn't have these careers?
What if we didn't create them?
What if we lost Mia all those years ago in her accident?
What if we lost Cole because I got sick?
What if we lost Anna that day in the store?
What if we didn't tuck them in at night?
What if they...

There are good parts and love will always fix the broken.

I love you all, and I always will. Our love will always fix the broken.

Houser029

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