Every Friday we unite for five minutes to write on one word. Only five minutes, that's all we get, that's all we have. And then, right where we are, no edits or second-thoughts, we publish those words. This week, we write on release.
I have worked so hard at letting it all go.
I try and stay present in my world.
The one I created for me and for them.
I work at letting the past go and the hurt, the fear, the insecurities, the anger, the worry, the anxiety.
And most of the time,
I am fine.
I am able to.
I am able to accept who they are today, who they were back then.
I am able to say that they did not have coping skills.
I won't do the same with my family, but that doesn't mean that all of them was awful.
they worked hard.
They did the best they could,
with what they had.
But, I am human.
I get triggered.
Do you hear that world?
I don't have it together all of the time.
There are moments I become that angry and hateful 8 year old.
There are moments that I crumble.
That I feel defeated.
And considering all I work towards, you have to give me this time world.
You have to allow me to feel small.
I promise to find a way to pick myself back up.
I promise to continue to move forward and I promise not to blame them for every thing in me, around me and about me.
I promise to make it all different for them and for the kids I haven't even met.
I promise to work on me.
I promise to build me.
I promise to find my release.
Because release of all of that anger, all of that fear, all of that hold, it was the most liberating thing I ever did.