For just one second

For just a second, you looked like the infant I met in 2009.
Not the five year old little girl that is so independent.

For just a second, you looked so small.
Your face so tiny.
And I remembered...
I remembered how incredibly little your hands were.
I remembered how well you fit all snuggled in.
I remembered what you looked like sleeping.
I remembered the small.
I remembered the tiny.

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For just a second,
you looked like the little lump that relied on us for everything.
Not the girl that does it all by herself now.
And I remembered the noises you would make to get our attention.
I remembered the 3am feedings.
I remembered the tiny little clothes.
I remembered this overwhelming feeling of being complete.
I remembered the feeling of being so confident in my mothering.
I remembered the small.
I remembered the tiny.


Because it is all about to change.
You are about to head out into a world and a road made just for you.
One that you will travel on without me.
One that you will flourish in.
One that we will support you through.
One that is made just for you.

Have no doubt sweet girl,
you have changed everything about me.
You have brought me so much joy.
You give me so much to be proud of.

And what's remarkable about our journey, what is remarkable about mothering, is that each passing day, I become less confident, not more.
In the beginning, I felt so sure.
I knew what each little noise meant.
We had this special dance, this special way.
But, as the decisions get harder.
As the parenting gets more difficult.
As the decisions become more important and as we continue to work with you on who you will become,
the confidence, it goes away.

And, that's okay.
You always check in to let me know how we are doing.
You are a good gauge for me.
You always remind me of what is imporatnt.

It is all about to change.
The small,
the tiny,
the little.
I will always remember.

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