24
May

I can't believe it

I got up early and didn't go straight to work.
This time, this morning, I headed into your room and pulled out some books, laid down on your bed and started to read.
You curled up, your entire body in a tight little ball.
You couldn't get close enough to me.
You rested your head on my shoulder.
And as the three books I promised to read became one,
you were sad...I don't want it to be over, I wish there were more.
I do too sweet girl.

I can't believe I get to mother you.
I can't believe I get to love you and be loved by you.
I can't believe that you love me this much, that we are family.

I almost didn't come in, I almost thought, maybe she won't remember that I promised her a reading date in the morning.
I almost missed this.

I sneak into your room for our final routine.
We sing the song, our song, and I pause for your parts, and you fill them right in.
"You'll never know Cole, how much I love you, so please don't take my Coley away".
You reach out, put both of your chubby still baby hands around my cheeks, you pull me close, and smooch my nose.
"Mom, say don't get your nose"...
"don't you get me, don't you get my nose Cole"
BIG KISS

I can't believe I get to mother you.
I can't believe I get to love you and be loved by you.
I can't believe that you love me this much, that we are family.

I can't believe how I almost didn't come in.
How tired I was from the day and I thought, we gave a quick kiss good-night downstairs, he can sleep now.
But, I heard you call for me, "mom, time to say good-night to me".
I almost missed this.

I don't know how many moments I have missed.
Those times where the exhaustion won.
I don't know what I wasn't a part of.
But, the times I do find a way to wring out one more ounce of love, one more ounce of me to you,
I am never regretful.
I am always filled,
filled full.

Guys,
When I was young, I didn't dream of you.
I didn't know you were going to be here.
I didn't know this was going to be my life.
I didn't imagine this in my head because I couldn't.
I couldn't of even imagined that life could be this good, this peaceful, this calm, this loving.
Even through the loud.
Even through the chaos.
Even through the hard.
Even through the fights, the molding of people.
Even through the bad.
Even through the bad days.
Even through the horrible days.
I never imagined I would be this happy.

I promise to always find time for you.
I promise to always find quiet with you.
I promise to always find a way to connect.
It is in these moments that the I love yous are too many.
It is in these moments that the words come pouring out so naturally, so lovingly.
It is in these moments that you open up, you feel close to me, you know I am here for you.
You realize this is our time, you realize I am not distracted.
I am all yours.

I can't believe I get to mother you.
I can't believe I get to love you and be loved by you.
I can't believe that you love me this much, that we are family.

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