I live in "I don't need your help!" and "mom, HELP ME, I can't do it!"
I live nights of straight sleeping but an exhaustion that I cannot explain.
I live in gaining a confidence I didn't realize was possible and a fear that at times paralyzes me.
I live in heartache, heartbreak, heart shattering moments of childhood and love from a family that puts all the pieces back together.
I live in chaos and loud and mess and a quiet that soothes an introverted mother.
I live in kids, no more babies, kids, but a little that is crushing.
I live in second chances, but need to be reminded to give them.
I live in second childhoods, but need to be reminded not to miss their first.
I live in tears, cries, screams, meltdowns and hugs and love that quiet all storms.
I live in toys, so many toys, the loud kind of toys and books that fill every corner, and make their loud world quiet again.
I live in days of mistakes and more mistakes, blowing it at times mistakes and nights where we always get it right.
I live in a world where I love to work but ache to be by their side.
I live in not always liking them, but always loving them.
I live in not always being proud of me, but always proud of them.
I live in memories that hurt and memories that heal.
I am a woman who didn't know if she would mother
if she should mother
if she could mother.
And now, I am a mother that loves loves loves being a mother.
And I am always living in two worlds.