27
Jan

Five Minute Friday - control

Every Friday we unite for five minutes to write on one word. Only five minutes, that's all we get, that's all we have. And then, right where we are, no edits or second-thoughts, we publish those words. This week, we write on control.
Go.

This is my word.
This is my mission.
This is my calling, control.
The irony is that I left a home of control,
I left a home of feeling like I had no control,
and I took off.
What started as a stand that I was in charge and in control of me
quickly turned into an anthem of control of everything.
My life, theirs, the world, loss of control is so difficult for me.

And even though I met a person that allows me to feel as though I am in control, even though he is my partner in every way,
the more I want.
The more I fight for it.
The more I put on my fighting gloves and am in pain when I get knocked down from something out of my control.

This year, my new anthem is more.
And with that, I have to let go...more.
I have to let them go, more.
I have to let them decide, more.
I have to let them be, more.
I have to let them choose, more.
I have to let them figure out, more.
I have to let them conclude, more.

Because I am not in control of anything other than my reactions.
And I need to get a handle on those reactions, more.
I have to be their guide, their rock, more.
I have to be more of their joy.

Because the one thing I learned, the big lesson I took away,
was the more control you put on your kids, your life, your world, the more you are spun out of control.
The more the universe takes over.
The more your kids rebel and fight you, instead of turn toward you.
The more you lose, while trying to keep it all together.

And so, my little faces, it is time I give you the wheel and I turn some of the control over to you.
Because that clearly tells you that I don't just love you, but I trust you.
You've got this.

Stop.

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