8
Dec

Five Minute Friday - only

Every Friday we unite for five minutes. Only five minutes, that's all we get, that's all we have. And then, right where we are, no edits or second-thoughts, we publish those words. This week, we write on only.
Go.

I only have two children.
I only ran a sprint for my tri.
I ran a marathon, but only in my neighborhood so does it really count?
I only run a nonprofit.
I only have a really small number of clients for my business.
I only started my business a year ago.
I can only run a 9-10 minute mile.
I only
I only
I only myself a lot.

Maybe because I try and not take credit.
Maybe because I don't want to make it seem like I am anything special.
Maybe because I see the strength of others and sit watching them in awe so I have to think, I'm only doing this...not all of that.
Maybe because I am afraid to admit I too am strong
I too move mountains
I too labored and had 2 children
I too am surviving parenting
I too work an insane amount
I too need my new business to succeed
I too work really hard for my family
I too sacrifice a lot
I too can do so much
I too am a good mother
I too work on myself
I too cry and yell and fight
I too accomplish what I set my mind on
I too can.

Look at how different it all sounds when it is I too instead of I only.

I too can.

Stop.

3
Dec

Enjoy the process

Sometimes in life, we rush.
We get through, we survive.
We work really hard to get to the other side of a bad day, week, month, a string of months.
Some have a string of bad years that they want to hurry past, put behind them.

Most forget to enjoy the process.

I am one of those people.
So many days are spent wishing this difficult time away.
The crunch of deadlines
the weight of my work
the start of my company
the space I am not afforded
the space I don't allow myself to take.

I forget to enjoy the process.

Because the process feels like the minutia.
It feels like the part we slug our way through to get to happier moments, times, events.
We want to move past the process of life.

The process of slowly moving through a store so your little one can look at every single toy and wish.
The process of washing the dishes and having your puppy at your feet.
The process of doing homework and watching how much they have grown.
The process of bath time and how small they look all wet.
The process of laundry and watching how big their clothes are getting.
The process of grocery shopping and how excited the whole family gets around food.
The process of cleaning and cooking and being.
The process of living as one, as a unit, as a team.
The process that is life.

I forget to enjoy the process.

I rush to check it off my list
I hurry through the parts I feel are sluggish and slow me down.
I want the last six weeks behind me, I want to move on.
I want the next five weeks to be done so that I can start to feel settled.

I forget to enjoy the process.

I forget that I am wishing my life away.
The life I wanted, asked for.
The one I actually love.
The one I allow to get too loud, too busy, too chaotic.

And what I end up doing instead is forgetting to enjoy all of the processes of life.

I will work on me more so that I can work on this.
I will allow more space and balance so I can breathe.
I will allow myself to be a part of the process a part of this life.
I belong with all of you doing all of this.

1
Dec

Five Minute Friday - near

Every Friday we unite for five minutes. Only five minutes, that's all we get, that's all we have. And then, right where we are, no edits or second-thoughts, we publish those words. This week, we write on near.
Go.

In this life, I keep those I love close.
I take them in and keep them and our memories together protected, tucked inside.
Because it has always been my nature to keep my group with me and carry them as I go.
Near or far, they are with me.

And although my love is scattered all over and most of my circle is no longer near me,
it is the thought of you no longer being physically near,
the thought of your little faces gone from my everyday,
that I will need a lifetime to move past.
Because parenting is building you to go out there, not stay here.
Parenting is creating people that go and do and build their own life and world.
Parenting is letting go, every single day, letting go a little more and a little more and a little more...
until eventually, you are somewhere out there, no longer near.

And just like with everyone else I hold, I will hold you close to me too.
I will keep you, I will have our memories to go back to
I will have this journey to lean on
I will have the warm feeling of you near as you go farther and farther away.

I live too much in the yesterdays and tomorrows, this I realize.
I have little faces that still believe in the magic of childhood and I am prepping for the goodbyes that will come.
Only because I need time to prepare and time to get myself ready for the inevitable.
I need to get my whole being ready for you no longer being near.

But that does not mean I am not intentional about our time.
In fact, it makes me more intentional, more present.
As soon as I feel too overwhelmed to sit quietly with you, I always leap to it will be tomorrow when she is no longer near.
As soon as I feel too distracted to play, I quickly realize how I will blink he will be off, far away doing wonderful him.

So, I sit close
I draw you near
I hold on to each moment, each second
because that warmth will keep you with me
even when you are far away from the life we built.

Stop.

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