19
Nov

What chapter now?

A story.
Our story.
Our love story.
Our book of love.

Chapter 1...
There was an ease to us wasn't there?
From the moment we met, I would describe us as easy and happy.
You blew me away with joy. I couldn't help but be happy around you.
It's what drew me to you and what created our instant family.
You fit right into my family, the one I was born into and the one I created.
I trusted you, I trusted your heart and I realized we would always be in each other's lives.
We were family.

Chapter two wasn't getting married.
Getting married, for me, was an extension of chapter one.
I realized that other people needed the official title of husband and wife.
I think I realized how even you needed it
but for me, we had already been family for almost six years
so this was the continuation of us.
Easy and happy us.

Recently, I have been stuck on the ease and joy we once were.
Things are more complicated now, more difficult.
Because marriage and relationships never stay as is or was.
They are not linear, they are not sequential even though we try to make them so.
They live, they breathe, they grow and they develop, they change.
And that's not new information, but almost everyone forgets this about all relationships.
Friendships, partnerships, business relationships, everything that is alive changes.
Everything and everyone has a story and stories do not stay on one path, they do not have one direction.
As we are in the middle of chapter what?

Chapter 2...
Anna.
The birth of our first daughter.
The one we wished for, the one we dreamed about, the one you talked me into.
The one we wanted, the one we talked about how ready we were.
The relationship we went in with eyes wide open.
But our first year with Anna was an awakening for me.
It took the love we already had and maximized it.
I could not have loved you more than I did in that first year of parenting.
I felt so close to you
Anna was so easy
everything fit
I felt this sense of how I was made to do this
I saw how much you loved her and it made me fall harder for you
we weren't losing sleep so we didn't have that to contend with
she only cried when something was wrong
she was a wonder
we were in love with her
with each other
with life
parenting was what we were made to do.
And so, everything during that year was a mush of love.
Chapter two lasted three years of love love and more love.
We just got it, it all made sense.
It was an amazing chapter to write with you.

Chapter 3...
Anna turns three and Cole is born.
Age three was rough for me with both kids.
So many reasons
so many difficulties
so many triggers and so many memories that hurt me.
Three was hard for you too, just for different reasons.
We always felt that Anna was an old soul and therefore that somehow meant she then needed to act older than her actual age.
We were unfair to her.
And you were around kindergarteners and feeling like your daughter was in that mix.
So, when she was three, you started treating her like one of your kindergarten kids.
Her three-year-old self could not live up to that expectation.
Add to our stress a newborn, who was also such a good baby BUT
there was always something a little wrong with Cole that made us worry.
I went through 8 weeks of not being able to mother
not being able to love
move
feed
hold our children
all because of the surgery.
You were gone a lot and I felt abandoned
he wasn't thriving
he wasn't gaining enough
he wasn't hitting milestones
he was rushed to a hospital
he had high fevers
routine checks always had a hint of concern.
Everything eventually shook themselves out, but damn I was scared.
You kept trying to be reasonable and keep me and my crazy in check.
I felt like I was wasting time in pain and resentment and missing out on my kids, my last newborn.
And chapter three continues.
In this chapter, we forget how to laugh
in this chapter, I cry a lot
in this chapter, my childhood comes rushing back and I get sent into a panic
in this chapter, we forget that we are a team
in this chapter, we keep track a lot
in this chapter, I forget that team and partnership never ever means 50/50
it only means showing up for each other and we forgot how to show up for us.
Chapter three lingers.
When Cole turned one, he started to scream and cry and he didn't stop until he was four.
Those three years were brutal.
To make matters worse, we were both struggling professionally
we were both feeling so lonely without local friends and fun
we were both forgot how important it is to laugh, we lost joy.
But, this chapter also brought its own magic.
In chapter three, our family was completed.
It is the chapter that we meet a little boy that reminds me of you
a little boy that is loud and messy and heartbreakingly adorable and so amazing.
We got to witness a sister and brother become best friends.
We got to witness their love grow and my heart expanded for her, for him, for them.
We got to witness the joy and crazy in his heart too, the one you carry, the natural joy he got from you.
We got to witness him come out of those struggling years, out of his frustration and just be him.
In this chapter, we became a core four.
In this chapter, our babies became kids and physically needed us more and less.
This chapter brought on personalities that we needed to learn to manage and the end of this chapter is when I realized who we are isn't who we will always be.
And it was time for a change.
So we started a new chapter.

Chapter 4...
Our acknowledgment of crazy and tired and stress and sad and mistakes and angry and finding our way back.
To us
to fun
to funny
to joy
to ease
to enjoyment
to self-care
to family.
This is a slow chapter because we have to take our time and get it right.
Because we have muscle memory of too much and need to find the not so busy.
Because we have to remember how to talk and listen and not bite.
Because we have to remember that we matter.
This chapter is slow and deliberate.
This chapter is building on the memories they will remember.
This is the chapter that will shape their relationships.
This is the chapter that teaches, guides.
This is the chapter in which we remember we are more than just parents, we are people, separate and together.
This is the chapter in which we remember to hold hands, touch toes, lean on each other, use our words, cry together, and laugh.
This is the chapter of framily and laughter and fun again.

I don't know how many chapters our book of love has.
I don't know how many we get to write together.
I don't know how many more times we get to change, grow, mold.
So much is reliant on them and changes they go through and our reactions to those changes.
So much is reliant on things out of our control and our reactions to that.
Aging parents
higher bills
changing paths
taking risks
building a house and creating a home.

But marriage, family, and relationships are not linear.
They are forever changing.
We will keep changing the pages and adding and taking things away to write our own happy ending.
One that doesn't look like anyone else's.
All I know is I am still happy to have you as my co-author, I am in love with our tear shattering chapters as much as I adore the mushy ones.
I love that you are willing to keep writing with me, I love our story.
Our book of love.

22
Oct

After all these years

After all these years
I still love you.
I still want you to be the last person I see at night,
the first I see in the morning.
I still love holding your hand, it makes me feel so close to you.
You still hug me so hard you put all the broken pieces back together.

After all these years
I still see the joy in you,
the one that I fell in love with
the one that made us so easy
the one that was always so natural to you
the one I am afraid I turned off.
It's still there, it's still who you are.

After all these years
I still remember every moment of us.
I still remember how gleeful I was when I met you.
I still hold on to that warmth between us, how we always just fit.
I still remember every moment of us.

After all these years
I still won't let you or us take us for granted.
I won't let us slip away
I won't let us just pretend we don't have to work at it
I won't just roll over and go to sleep without a smooch.
I won't put my head down and not fight for love.
And neither will you.

After all these years
you still fight
for us, for what we mean, for who we really are.
You remind me that we are worth it, we have each other and we are not letting go.
I bring the love, you bring the commitment so we cannot go wrong.

After all these years
it's different.
It sometimes works and sometimes it is work.
Because everything is different and most different is that it isn't easy anymore is it?
Because we added so much and sometimes that means we had to take so much away.
Like long walks and coffee dates and grocery dates and marathon movie days and Mia time and so many snuggles and time on the couch and time just us.
Easy had to go away for us to build what we wanted.
But, that doesn't mean it's impossible.
And as they get older and things get more complicated, some things just get easier.
They need less physical and more attention just like we do.

After all these years,
I still love seeing you happy.
I know it's harder to find happy but I love seeing that easy smile come to your face.
I love your gorgeous eyes and I think I fell harder for them now that I see them on our kids.
They remind me how gorgeous you are.
They remind me of your young, happy, joyful, easy side.
They will soon remind you too.

After all these years,
I still worry about most things.
Money and jobs and careers and raising good people and boredom and losing who we are and the house and all we have going on.
You still remind me that somehow it all works out.
You still remind me that we can take it on, no matter what it is.

After all these years,
we still find it incredibly easy to love love love each other during the good and bad times
and remember that the work is in the boring.
Remember that while we are shuffling kids around and mowing lawns and paying bills and making lunches and cleaning up and step and repeating our day, there is a couple here that needs small reminders of love.
So, after all these years, I am finally seeing my role in that and not expecting you to do it all.

After all these years, I have finally figured out what partnership means.
Because it's not 50/50.
It's showing up, always.
And we show up, and when we don't, I remind us that we need to.
There is lots to do for both of us and you never complain about your part and so I am learning that with the heavy load comes humble doing.
It's all about showing up.

After all these years,
I still think about what and who I would be if I didn't meet you, if you didn't take that chance.
I still think of what it would look like without you and I do not like that picture.
Because I am always better with you.
I am a better friend, mom, person with you.
You are my balance, my heart, my joy.

After all these years
I think saying yes to you was the best decision I made.

10
Sep

These two

There are relationships that stop you in your tracks.
They make you stop breathing for a moment.
They reawaken something in you.
But they also level you, they make you worry, they cause you heartbreak.
They define love.
Like these two...

There are relationships that make you realize this is how it should always be.
They make you cry by looking at them.
They make you swoon.
They make you focus on what is important because they make you focus on only what is important.
They are filled with heroes and feeling secure.
They make you strong by taking away all of your powers.
They bring light back into dark days.
Like these two...

There are relationships that start of easy, comfortable.
They are how you would define family.
They are filled with joy and ease and comfort.
They are cozy and joyous.
They grow, they change, they face challenges, they suffer, they struggle, they evolve, they find each other again.
Like these two...

There are relationships that start off new.
They are so new you don't know what to do.
They are so fresh, they have so many possibilities.
They are filled with "I wonders".
They are loaded with questions.
They start you on a journey, one you will never be ready for.
Like these two...

And they evolve and change too.
They become roller coasters.
They are scary at times, they are comfort most times, they are wonderful.
They become song and dances, there is a familiar rhythm to their flow.
They are real.
Like these two...

And then there are ones that explode.
They have so many emotions you cannot contain them.
They are tantrums and gushes.
They are sweet and gentle, they are chaos, they are crazed.
They are erupting with feelings.
They burst you open.
Like these two...

There are relationships you wait for.
Ones you never realized you needed.
They are the ones that know all of you, your whole story.
They are the ones you will fall back on
they are the relationships you count on.
Like these two

There are relationships that are filled with history.
They have traditions and important meaning.
They are what you call home, what you look forward to.
All relationships serve a purpose.
All come with meaning.
All walk on your heart, all leave their mark.
Some are deep and leave scars.
Like us...

27
Aug

He's the one

He's the one you call for.
He's the one that signs you up for all of your stuff.
He's the one that gets you ready every. single. morning.
He's also the one that tackles night time routines.
He's the one you love two claps.
He's the one you look like.
He's the one that worries most about you.

He's the one that asked me out.
He's the one that got down on one knee to ask me to join him in forever.
He's the one that puts up with my crazy.
He's the one that has embraced my family's crazy.
He's the one that worries the least about us.

He's the one that sets schedules for you.
He's the one you spend your summer with.
He's the one that plans our vacations.
He's the one that plans our days.
He's the one that loves adventure.
He's the one that needs big breaks.

He's the one that celebrates your milestones.
He's the one that is never sad anything is over.
He's the one that loves your first and your last everything.
He's the one that asked for you, he's the one that realized we were now a complete family.
He's the one that wanted this life, always and forever, you were always a part of him.

He's the one that had the hardest time letting Mia go.
He's the one that I got to watch fall in love with her.
He's the one that adores Pearl, and I got to watch them fall in love too.
He's the one that walks her, he's the one that is so patient.
He's the one that realized we needed to wait and heal.
He's the one that also realized I couldn't live without her.

He's the one that won't let any of us walk away angry.
He's always the first to apologize.
He's the fixer, he's always putting us back together.
He's the one that built our house.
He's the one I see in every corner of it.
He's the one that is always trying to make us happy.
He's the one that loves us, so much he can't see straight.
He's the one that laughs, his job is to be silly.
He's the one that has so much joy, naturally sitting in there, and we're the ones that need to remind him of that.

He's the one you get your eyes from
he's the one you get your childhood joy from
he's the one you want to make happy
he's the one you really adore.
He's the one we can count on.
He is the one I count on.
He's the one that knew we were it for him.

He's the one that is more simple.
He's the one that doesn't question much.
He's the one that hasn't met someone he doesn't like.
He's the one that sees the good in everyone.
He's the one that has a good heart.

He's the one that forgets a lot.
He's the one we love.
He's the one that needs constant reminders that all of this is crazy messy goofy love.
He's the one that needs constant reminders that this is childhood.
He's the one that needs constant reminders that this was his childhood.
He's the one that needs constant reminders that this was him, always him.
He's the one that needs to be reminded that he will never be loved and needed this much again.
He's the one that we love.
He's the one that we love.
He's the one that we love.
He's the one that won't ever let us give up.
He's the one that won't ever walk away.
He's the one that expects you to move mountains.
He's the one for us, he's the one for me, he's the one that put this family together.
He's the one that we love.
He's the one that we love.
He's the one guys.

8
Jul

Forever

When I first met you, there was a part of me that knew we were family.
When you asked me to walk beside you, hand in hand, for the rest of our lives, we made it official to everyone else.
But I always knew, way back then, we would forever be us.

Seventeen years later, everything looks different,
our bodies
our minds
our patience
our cares
our priorities
our home
our jobs
our health
our wrinkles
our skin
everything has changed.
Even our pledge to each other,
to our forever.

It doesn't look like puppy dog love anymore
it doesn't look young and fresh and sweet
it doesn't look like kids pretending to be grown
it's hardly even cute.
Our forever has changed
into real
and boring
and forgiving
and kindness
and turning towards
and heavy.

Because love changes and grows and molds
as people do
and you can either grow apart
or grow together.

One thing that has not changed is when things get hard, I am the first to question.
I question us
I question our decisions
I question our arguments
I question our commitment.
When things don't look and feel like us, I want to walk away.
But you have always realized that it is a result of me never wanting to live the life I had,
the one that I knew
that one that I walked out of
before I met forever.

And so, each and every time, you call me out.
You remind me that we don't ever give up
not on them
not on me
not on you
not on each other
not on us.
We do not get to give up,
because you remind me of forever.

So, we keep marching on.
We find our own adventure
we tackle the challenges
the trying and difficult times
and hand in hand, we find us again,
we find forever.

Because along the way, you remind me of love.
Actual, real, consistent and caring love.
Our love is more ordinary but you and I find the magic in boring.

Your I love yous come just the same...
you love through action.
You fix
you build
you have to make it all better.
And I finally understand your language.
Words, writing, presentations, none of that is how you speak.
Instead you research everything, for me, or us
you plan every vacation, so I can not plan a thing
you bring me a glass of wine
you fix me coffee
you get the kids up and ready
you tackle bed time
you hold my hand through the bad news
like the medical hell we went through
like aging parents
like losing our Mia.
You tell me you love me by saying yes to Pearl
and how fell in love, just by placing her in your arms
like the love you have for them
the amount you care about them
the expectations you have for them, because you see all they are going to become
your I love yous come just the same.

everything has changed.
everything looks different
even our forever.
But what will always stay is you are my forever.
Thanks for finding me.

23
Jun

Five Minute Friday - steady

Every Friday we unite for five minutes to write on one word. Only five minutes, that's all we get, that's all we have. And then, right where we are, no edits or second-thoughts, we publish those words. This week, we write on steady.
Go.

I am not the steady one of the group.
I am not the rock.
That's your job.
You were my joy, my constant, my always and forever.
Still now, as the waves of life crash down on us and make us nauseous
you are steady.
You are the calm in our storm.
You are the one that keeps us steady.

The push and pull of life has me very unsteady these days.
The stress and worry has me shaking and unstable.
I am a tightly wound ball of nerves and balls are not steady, balls wobble, balls roll.
You are my steady.
You are my reminder that this too shall pass and more crazy will come.
You are my whisper of find us, we are here.
You are my fixer of all things, you are my steady.

And the attraction started because of your constant joy.
The natural joy that lived in you.
I didn't realize someone could feel that way, all of the time.
You were so thrilled to be.
Happy to be doing anything, as long as we were together.
Which is why dating me is still your favorite.
Which is why you look forward to just us two.

Kids knock you down.
Jobs, careers, business, they drag you through the mud.
Homes offer retreat and worry.
Life is full of the swinging back and forth
it is what makes life worth living.
And every person that gets lost in the whirl
every person that almost gets hurt from the spinning needs a steady rock.
A place to steady their thoughts.
A place to steady their mind.
A place to steady.
You, you are my steady.
You are my always and forever.

Stop.

26
Feb

What was our rush?

I remember starting out with you.
Each moment of our lives, I remember every, single last detail.
I remember the moment we met, how fitting we were.
I remember feeling close to you, a stranger.
I remember having a dream about you that night, I remember how comfortable and safe my dream was.
And, when I saw you again, I remember your smile when I walked into the bar.
I remember how happy and light it felt, but still comforting, safe.
We were kids, barely legal to drink, and we were family.

But somehow, we got caught up.
And looking back at our book of love, we rushed through so many chapters.
Always hoping for our next step.
And as I jokingly said to you, what do we wait for next...death?

And maybe it's because I was born 40
and maybe it's because you were always a kid at heart
and maybe it's because I had so much to prove
but somehow, we got caught up in the rush of it all
and we grew up too quickly.

This weekend, as we were watching our Friday night date movie
(because movies were always where and how we started).
We watched this young couple start their own book.
And for some reason, this movie hit us both so hard.
It brought up back to the beginning.
About how young we were
about how much fun it was then
and it left us wondering what was our hurry?
What was the rush, what deadline did we have?
There was a time when all we argued over was the laundry
and maybe you're right...
maybe we would have found more to fight about,
but maybe, just maybe...laundry would be our only tense moments.
Why did we have to grow up?
What was our rush?

But, as you remind me...
we wouldn't have met them
and we would have regretted that.
We wouldn't have grown into who we are
and we are still pretty great.
We would have held other babies and felt an ache
because you always wanted dad to be a title you held.
We would have missed out on building our house
because we all turned it into our home.

So why did we have to grow up?
Because everyone does I guess.
Because time continues to move forward.
Because Mia wouldn't have lived forever, even though she was the start of our family.
Because all that I am, is because of you.
There isn't an ounce of me that doesn't belong to you and what you believed I could be
who you believed I should be.
You believed in me, in us, always.
You made me reach, you challenged me, you made me believe in us too.

But, you have to admit...
if you could go back
if you could start it over again
if you knew the outcome would all be the same
you would jump at that chance.
And maybe, just maybe, we would linger more.
Maybe, just maybe, we would step back and really savor that time.
Maybe, just maybe, we would realize
there's no need to rush.
Time would get us here anyway.

29
Jan

I cry

In my best and worst moments, I break down.
When I feel so loved,
when I am overwhelmed,
when I am stressed,
when you reach another milestone,
when I am sad, when my world is covered in blue,
when I am frustrated,
the list is endless.

Because I cry.

For you
for me
for my work
for the people I haven't even met
for what I see on TV
for what we are becoming
for who we were
for who I want to be
for who I want you to be
for what I love
for what I hate
for what I am fearful of
the list is endless.

Because I cry.

I cry because you are so small it is crushing.
And I cry because I worry that the world will crush you.
I cry because I feel as though I fail you.
I cry because I look at you late at night and I cannot believe you are here.
I cry because every part of you is so tiny and so so big.

I cry because your big makes me small.
I cry because you crush me.
I cry because you wow me.
I cry because you sleep with your hands folded in prayer right by your face.
I cry because your hair reminds me so much of mine.
I cry because your eyes remind me of dad.
I cry because I feel as though I have lost important years and moments with you.
I cry because I know I will never get them back.

I cry because your small and your big are all too much for my heart.
I cray because holding this much love for all of you at times feels as though my heart if broken.
I cry because when I met you, I gave up a part of myself, a version of my life, that I still miss.
I cry because when I hold you, I wouldn't have it any other way.
I cry because I will look back and realize how much I will miss all of this, and not be able to ever tell you that.
I cry because you picked me to be your mom and I am too lucky and I don't deserve it, I don't deserve you.

I cry because you are so new
I cry because you are so old
I cry because this is your first time living this life
and I cry because I can tell one of you has already done this and has come back to make something right.

I cry because I know your innocence is not something I can protect.
I cry because I know I have to let you live this life.
I cry because I know I need to hold my tongue while you make mistakes,
ones that I could stop you from making, ones that I have already made.
I cry because I know I have to let you go, each day a little more.

I cry because you still ask to hold my hand.
I cry because you still need so much of me.
I cry because most of my words, my reactions are now remembered by you.
I cry because that is what will have you decide what to tell me when.

I cry because as a mother, I never have a day off.
I cry because I am always on, I am always yours.
I cry because I gave you my body, to live in, to live off of, to use as comfort, and I always will.
I cry because you made me see me for who I really am.I cry because you made me realize that beauty doesn't include a mirror.
I cry because you make me feel...more.

I cry from exhaustion, this is a big one for me.
I cry from the tired bones I carry, from the weight of you and family and life.
I cry from the heavy and I cry because I will never feel light again.

I cry because it is cleansing and allows me to keep going and the one thing I always have to do, is keep going.

I cry for you little one,
because your little is fleeting.

And I cry for me.
The list is endless
because I cry.

9
Jan

More!

You hit me hard.
You wanted me to crumble, and I did.
You wanted me to break and walk away from all that I knew,
and I almost did that too.

You started with so much sickness
so much scary and unknown
so much stress and worry
so much testing and anger
so much sadness and confusion.

See, 2016 was the year that I swore up and down I would stop wishing time away.
That was my resolution, I would stop wishing my life away.
Because for as long as I can remember me, I was always the person that would say, I just need to get through...fill in the blank.
And then one day I woke up and said enough, I have wished it all away and no more.
This is my life, I can either change it or live it and I am choosing both.
But 2016 was a tough one, all around.
And so, I say a very welcomed good-bye to you and I am dusting myself off and trying...
all over again.

Each year, I feel like my theme with resolutions circles around the word less...
less worry, less stress, less stuff.
So this year, I am going the opposite direction.
New year, new me. And this year, the word is more.
MORE!
More laughter
more fun
more me
more us
more them
more who I really am, not this angry person I have become
more time
more opportunities
more adventures
more trying
more new
more for my business
more of what I love
more love.

So, first things first.
I am going to start finding things funny again.
Really funny.
Us, I will find the humor in us and our situation and our kids.
God, I am going to laugh hard with my kids.
More laugh lines, not worry lines.
More silly.
So, I am going to lighten the hell up...way more!

I am going to kick my own ass, way more!
Yep, I am always afraid.
Yep, my first response is always "I can't do that".
Yep, I have to walk through my fear and I always do.
So, more me.
More time spent working to get out of my head.
More time spent on putting my own mask on first.
More time spent doing yoga
and running
and racing
and watching movies
and reading
and building my business
and building me.
More me.

More talking.
More spending time listening to your day.
More walking away from my work to show you that you matter.
More turning everything else off to be with you.
More hands free mom.
More curling up with you and just letting you go.
More time in the car together where you really open up.
More listening.
More of me with you.

More calm presence.
More loving words
more open arms
more smiles
more warmth
more letting you know I have your back
more being on your side
more snuggles
more laying with you at night
more caressing your face
more running my fingers through your hair.
More love towards those I love.

More smiling.
More finding other people as good.
More smiles with strangers.
More complimenting people just because it's true.
More giving of myself to those I don't even know in the most simple and humane way.

More happy.
More finding fun new things to do.
More snowshoeing.
More ice skating.
More playing hoops together.
More board games
more card games
more puzzles
more legos
more family adventure
more hikes
more trips.
More joy in our lives.

I am ready for the challenges that will come.
I am ready for a new puppy to show us that life always moves and goes on.
I am ready for this family, the one we created, the one we wanted, the one we have, the one we need to feel lucky to have.
I am ready for us, all of us.
I am ready to fall back in love.
I am ready to be comfortable.
I am ready to be full on me, us.
Just more of it.

4
Sep

Summer

Although there are many weeks left,
to us,
to this little family,
Labor Day weekend is always our goodbye.
I think it's because our hero,
the person who is responsible for the joy and laughter and silly in our house, is a teacher.
And his summer being over means they say goodbye to their summer and goodbye to their adventures, and it all goes back.
To schedules and work being crazy for both of us and structure and so much getting ready the night before.
We kind of say goodbye to carefree and light and a little part of me always aches.
Not because I don't love fall, and I also love winter, but after you have kids, each season change makes you ache a bit.
Because everything always goes by too fast.
And this summer, well, we outdid ourselves.
This summer was all about childhood and finding the joy and slow and adventure that has always defined us.
We have been through some tough tough years, with tough tough situations, and kids that are testing and everything seemed so hard.
And as things are falling into place,
as we are finding all of the us,
I made him promise that this summer would all be different.

unnamed (6)

This summer would be the real us.
This summer would be about laughter and memories.
This summer we would find joy.
This summer, we would slow down but still do things.
This summer, we would fix what was broken, we would use our heads to figure out how to make it better.
This summer, it would be all about them.
And we did all of it.

unnamed (10)

We started with a bucket list.
We started with ice cream for dinner.
Things we wanted to do, didn't stress, but wanted to do together and we started to chip away.
We vacationed, we never had so much fun.
We camped, we forgot what that felt like, how amazing that is, how far away you are from hectic.
We ate, all of the ice cream, all of the smores, all of the goodness.
We ran through sprinklers
we swam and swam.
We played,
we ran
we biked.
We watched movies,
we watched thunderstorms,
we raced in a triathlon,
we stayed in pjs,
we got out and did things,
we stayed in and huddled
we spent so much time with friends,
old, new, framily,
we saw family,
we celebrated,
they spent days with their grandparents,
we had time just us four,
we were at the track a lot,
we read,
we were in the car a lot, which always makes me feel closer to them,
we saw new things,
we had a summer.

unnamed (2) Squeeze

family unnamed (5)

And because I am never ready,
and because emotions are so hard for me to move through,
and because I have a little girl going into grade 2 but I keep saying grade 1,
and because I have a little boy that will being going to pre-k and not at home as much,
and because I hate how quickly they are growing, but love the freedom of not having babies,
summer, I am sorry to see you go.
Which is why I had to end it with ice cream for dinner.
We had a summer, a great one, and all of the memories will keep us all warm, until next time.

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