17
Sep

Cover me in gray

Maybe it was being raised in a loud household with a lot of yelling. Maybe it's because I'm introverted. Maybe it's because my world seems to be crazy and loud most of the time. Maybe it's because my husband is so loud in every. single. thing. he. does. Maybe it's because I'm a mom and get asked a bunch of questions, or constantly talked to, or pulled at, or asked to help, or be held, or open a door, or a snack, or wipe, or blow a nose, or change, or find a toy, or fix a toy, or end a fight. Maybe it's because Anna wakes up talking or that Cole spends most of his waking hours upset and frustrated. Maybe it's because Mia is fighting for attention and her hearing is going so she spends a lot of time barking. Maybe it's because of my job, or my decisions, or my choices.

The reason doesn't matter.

The truth is, gray days with rain or snow falling bring me peace, and calm, and warm my insides. They are what I think of when I think of quiet. They are my definition of quiet. They make me feel human again and like myself. They are best cherished in my little house, falling on my roof.

They can turn a day when I feel the need to cry because I am hardly surviving. The days that I feel like I am really failing, as a bride, as a mom, as a CEO, as a friend. Days when I feel like all of my energy has been wasted on the wrong thing. It's the water that reminds me of my ability to survive and find strength and not only is tomorrow another day but with kids, five minutes from now is a completely different moment.

That's why I love the rain. That's why snow days stuck inside my home fill me with love. That's why when I'm not feeling like myself, I know that watching the rain come down washes away any pain. It reminds me to sit in the quiet and breathe. It washes over me and is delicate. It is soft. It is warmth. It quiets the noise.

9
Feb

Warm inside the cold

I have found my inner peace. OUR world is covered in a fresh white snow, my daughter and husband are giggling outside while plowing the driveway, my son is sound asleep and I'm making hot chocolate while doing a little work. All is right with my little world. I have found a way to make it all work and today I feel like a success. It is the snow that brings about a peace. Covering us in white makes me feel calm, fresh, cozy and trapped inside my wonderful little house.

21
Dec

Broken.

At dinner tonight I was talking to Cory about how broken I feel. How this month has been filled with so much heartache, loss, illness and tragedy. I went on to whine about how it doesn't even feel like the holidays, there is no snow, it's not really cold, and he even joked about us having a reversed seasonal disorder. Then, I went to turn off our porch light and the most peaceful beautiful snow is coming down and covering our yard, just in time. — with Cory Houser.

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