10
Mar

Five Minute Friday - abandon

Every Friday we unite for five minutes to write on one word. Only five minutes, that's all we get, that's all we have. And then, right where we are, no edits or second-thoughts, we publish those words. This week, we write on abandon.
Go.

There was a time in my life when I felt so desperately alone
I felt abandoned and left,
even though I was the one to leave.
And that brought out a loyal and cautious soul.

I don't ever give up.
I never abandon the ship, even when it's sinking.
Yes, it can be seen as loyal
as committed
as determined
as love.
But it can also be seen as just too much, I don't know how to walk away.
Not from friends turned family
not from jobs turned careers
not from love
not from hope
and at times, not from darkness.

And then there are times I give up so easily
when the pain comes rushing back and I remember how I just run when that happens.
I run away and I hide and I cut it off.
I am all in, one way or the other, all in.

And because they decided I needed balance, my little faces show me the way.
They show me that loyal and reckless abandonment can both be seen as gorgeous.

You sweet loving adorable Cole,
you are reckless
you lack inhibition or restraint
every action is do now, ask for forgiveness later.
And although there are times I wish you listened more
although there are times I wish for my own heart you would be a little more cautious
a little more reserved
this careful, deliberate, worried, and overly tightly wound mother adores your balance in my life.
She adores your reckless abandonment
of the rules
of the way one "should".

And you Anna,
my little me
my little one that always over thinks
my little face that also will not desert
my stubborn mind that always forges ahead
you too will be loyal.
You too will be determined.
You too will not give up, on anyone or anything.
You too will never abandon a friend in need
you too will protect
you too will give it your all
you too will never abandon your family
you too will never abandon your goals.

It's all a give and take,
know when to walk away
when the pain is too great
when the respect is no longer there
abandon the moments that hurt.
But also remember that family, however it is defined by you,
stays.
Family is not left
family is never ending,
family you can't walk away from
family you can't abandon.

Stop.

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