15
Feb

Five Minute Friday - Confident

Every Friday we unite for five minutes. Only five minutes, that's all we get, that's all we have. And then, right where we are, no edits or second-thoughts, we publish those words. This week, we write on confident.

Go.

I'm not.
I'm just not.
I can't pretend to be, because I just don't have it in me and I can't fake it. Because I am not.
In anything that I do, anything.
I am not. I am scared instead and damn do I question.
My parenting, my leadership, my choices, my words, my decisions, my wants even. I'm just not.  
And I will be okay. Maybe more than okay.
Because what I have painfully learned is that confidence has nothing to do with me. But that doesn't mean I stop trying to be the best me.
Confidence doesn't live in me, but that doesn't mean I stop at all.
Fear propels me, it keeps me on my toes and it keeps my nerves tingling and it keeps me alive and working for what I want.
Fear more than any confidence makes me me.
I walk through it, I push, and although I don't believe in myself always, I also know I won't let me down.
I don't let others down.
I work for what I want, I fight myself to get there.
I worry because I love the "it" standing in front of me and although I am not confident in me, I am confident in the thing. I know the thing is worth fighting for.
And so I fight for it, I work for it, I put me into it and that's all I've got to give, me and my very best.
You know what I confident in?
You, of course it's you.
It's always been you and all you stand for.
Love and family and us and your belief in us.
I'm confident in you and in us.
I'm not, and I know others are.
I'm not and I know at times it knocks me off my balance.
I'm not and I will be okay.   
And I will be okay, more than okay. 

Stop.

Comments

  1. Amber says:

    I love this! So real! I can identify with this more than you know and it's refreshing to read your words. It's scary how similar our posts are, yet completely different. I am so glad I found you at FMF! Thank you for linking up and sharing.

  2. Susan Shipe says:

    Read my post today please. I am confident in this one thing, you can build confidence.

  3. Misty Wagner says:

    I love this... LOVE your unabashed honesty, and your gumption to go forward with where you are.

  4. Hey, nothing wrong with fear! I'm terrified, every moment, for what might come tomorrow.

    If I may, a short poem, just for you.

    People think I'm brave,
    a fearless armoured knight
    who laughingly will save
    myself in this cancer-fight.
    It's not entirely wrong,
    but not really correct,
    for while I am hell-strong
    my heart I must protect.
    The pain might have been worse
    today, but I don't see how,
    and the mental curse
    is looking at tomorrow...now.
    I tremble, thinking of the morn's fell cup,
    but come what may on that day, I must suck it up.

    #1 at FMF this week.

    https://blessed-are-the-pure-of-heart.blogspot.com/2019/02/your-dying-spouse-581-barbara-i-love-you.html

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