2
Dec

Five Minute Friday - crave

Every Friday we unite for five minutes to write on one word. Only five minutes, that's all we get, that's all we have. And then, right where we are, no edits or second-thoughts, we publish those words. This week, we write on crave.
Go.

When I was pregnant with you Anna, the biggest craving that I had was for egg...scrambled to be specific.
Seven years later, I not only hold on to that memory and laugh at how much I ate, but I still could fall face first into a plate of scrambled eggs and eat my way out.
With you Cole, nothing specific, just food and as much of it as I could get.
I remember second breakfast, second lunch.
I remember not being able to make it from home to office without stopping for food, feeling if I didn't the starvation would end me.
And you came out just the same.
Hungry, all of the time.
Wanting anything, everything, food is your pleasure and without it, you crumble.

As the years went by, and motherhood set it, so did loneliness.
Because raising tiny humans is hard, and loud and isolating.
In a world where we all feel connected through a screen, we are forgetting that genuine connection keeps you sane.
And so, there was a different craving.
One for community, connection, friendship, and framily.
Because my connections were all over but not a single one was close by and not a single one could I hug when I needed to.
I needed to find my circle, I needed to find someone I could tell my all, and I needed to open my family up to others.

The craving, it wouldn't go away, because as the loneliness started to take over, the days were deafening.
Everywhere I turned, I felt that others had someone.
Everywhere I turned, I felt like I didn't belong here or there.
My circle wasn't complete, I needed more than the four walls we built,
my craving was getting stronger.

Until one day, it all clicked again.
And this tired mom of two
the one pushing 40
the one who is so hurtful to herself and too harsh
found a friend.
And like a child, my heart actually sang.
Just yesterday, we were talking about how many of us have this craving but are so isolated.
She decided to do something about it and open up her home and introduce people to one another.
Because family needs framily
to be reminded of the silly and the crazy.
To be genuine and authentic.
To show the real you, the one that is still in pjs at 3pm.
The one that doesn't ever do her hair unless she has to.
The one that would live in workout clothes.
The one that feels that yoga pants are "one step below black tie".
The one that gets angry with her kids.
The one that shows the good, bad and ugly of parenting because nothing is perfect.
The one without makeup covering anything up.
Cravings are intense, they make you get up out of bed at 3am to find that thing you desperately want.
They make you keep going until you find exactly what you desire.

Stop.

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