12
Sep

Five Minute Friday - ready

Every Friday we unite for five minutes to write on one word. Only five minutes, that's all we get, that's all we have. And then, right where we are, no edits or second-thoughts, we publish those words. This week, we write on ready.
Go.

Was I ready for you?
Was I ready for how many changes you would bring?
Was I ready for this life, this home, this family?
Was I ready to take on this challenge with work?
Was I ready to race?
Was I ready to be this person?
Most will tell you that you are never ready,
but if you wait until you are, you will never move, never do, never accomplish anything.

But what about those of us that become paralyzed with fear?
What about those of us that need so much more time to process?
What about those of us that always doubt,
ourselves
our choices
our decisions
our lack of confidence
our inability to move.

And so, I over compensate.
I make lists to be ready.
I get and stay organized to be ready.
I never miss a deadline
or a task
or have a to do that doesn't get crossed off,
all to make me feel ready,
gain some control over the fear.

I will never be sure,
I will never feel confident.
But I will also no longer doubt that I should be here.
Right here, with all of you.
Building this life and these memories.
Holding on to you, and reading you goodnight.
Hugging and holding you close,
whispering I love yous.

I am here loves.
I am ready and I am here.

Stop.

Comments

  1. Karen Brown says:

    Sabrina- What a beautiful peek inside your mothering heart... and it echoes my own. These lines grabbed me: "I will never be sure,
    I will never feel confident.But I will also no longer doubt that I should be here." It's so true that we might not feel confident, but we can be sure at the same time. Loved this! Thanks for sharing your gift here.

    1. childhood says:

      Thank you for your loving words.

  2. Cheryl says:

    Oh, I remember the feeling of being decidedly un-ready for when I had my first, but I was encouraged by an older, wiser friend who told me there isn't enough money, time, etc, for children. I have have found it to be true. Had we waited until we felt ready, we would have never had children. Did we do our best to prepare? Yes.
    Four children later, there are days I feel so unprepared and ill-equipped for the task ahead. And just as you wrote, I don't "doubt I should be here." With that filling my heart, it does make me ready.
    Good words.

    1. childhood says:

      You are certainly ready and strong...may you and your family have a warm and wonderful weekend.

  3. Amber Backes says:

    This is a great piece. How well you captured the heart of a type A mom. The one who had a career and 5, 10, 25 years plans before motherhood. Are you joining in with Lisa-Jo Baker's Surprised By Motherhood book club? If not you should join us next week on her blog. Your writing is so similar to the story we are telling over there. Hope to hear more from you soon.

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