6
Mar

I can't miss it

The other day, as I was saying good night to you, I made mention that you don't come in to snuggle as much on the weekends and how much I miss it.
How much I miss holding you and feeling you fall back to sleep, or lay quiet next to me.
You told me how you missed it too, and you weren't sure why you didn't anymore.
And it must have stayed with you,
because the very next day,
you woke up early and came to my room and just as I was about to say, "it's not time yet"
you asked if you could snuggle.
Like we did before.
I can't miss this.
I can't not be here for these moments of tender and gentle love.

The other night, you appeared again.
It was 3am and you woke me up with a whisper "mom, I need a hug".
And all of a sudden, after four straight days,
I was so worried this was our new norm.
Would I be woken up from now on to "mom I need a hug" at 2 or 3 or 4.
But, there is no "from now on" with kids is there?
It's all fleeting
and what one day was something that we did all of the time,
the next becomes something we once did.
I can't miss this.
I can't not be here for these moments of tender and gentle love.

I was watching a mother daughter shop for a dress, for a big school dance.
I was watching her ask for help with putting it on, her face anxiously awaiting what her mom thought.
And all I could think was, what will we be like when we get here?
Will we still be close?
Will you want me there?
Will you look/want to see what I think?
Will I be a part of this with you, more than just handing over payment, will you still let me be a part of you?
I can't miss this.
I can't not be here for these moments of tender and gentle love.

I have been thinking so much about who you will be.
How much of this energy will you have?
Will you always love all sports this much?
Will it forever be your whole world?
Will you always and forever love and count on and need and want and adore your dad?
Will you always be this loud?
Will BOY shout out of every single pore of you always?
Will you always want to hug?
Will you always be loving?
I can't miss this.
I can't not be here for these moments of tender and gentle love.

Before we know it,
it will all be memories.
Memories of good, bad, glorious, rough, tiring, energy, love, frustration, and more love.
We will look back and we will laugh,
we will shake our heads and wonder how we got through it.
You won't remember any of the details,
I will remember every.single.one.
You will ask, how do you remember that?
I will say, because it's me, and it's what I do.
And because I can't miss this.
I can't not be here for these moments of tender and gentle love.

Comments

  1. Jamie says:

    And...now I'm crying. This is spot on Sabrina. The days are long, but life is short. Make memories every day.

  2. childhood says:

    I was crying when I wrote it. They are growing up too fast and it is hard! Hard to let go, hard to hold on, hard!

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