19
Jul

Love

Most nights, we end on the right note.
Most nights, we end with love and cuddles and stories and calm.
Most nights, we end with appreciation and thank yous and favorite parts of the day.
Most nights, we end with routines and love songs.
And on the nights we don't,
on the nights I am off,
on the nights that tired has taken over all of us,
I feel like I have failed.
Failed you, failed me, failed us.

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Because these moments are so precious to me.
Because you always say you are thankful for our night time routines,
because you always list it as one of your favorite parts of the day,
because they are already precious to you.
If we don't get there, I have failed.
I have failed in loving you.

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I know the reasons, the hours have gotten too long.
I am rushed, hurried.
My list is still too long and I just need to check getting you into bed off.
Instead of drinking you in.
Instead of letting the day go with you.
Instead, I miss it.
That chance to snuggle and read and laugh and hold you close and listen to you and take a quiet moment.

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The chance to sing to you, to offer up love.
The chance to end it right.
The chance to say goodnight and have it be good.

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And I know that the way we end fills you full for the next day.
The way we end determines how you view the day.
The way we end gives you strength or cuts you down.
And my role is to build you up.
Fill you with the kind of love that makes you burst open.
That's how important our night time goodnights are.
To me, to you.
And so, my last thought,
the one I have before I open my mouth and am too harsh, too loud is:

"did I love them enough today?"

Thank you when at home for inspiring this post, this letter of love.

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