29
Oct

My new name

It started with you, my new name of mamma to mommy to mom.
It started with new and amazing and familiar at the same time.
Mother comes with all sorts of things.
And just like us, some of it is new and some familiar...
It comes with
a new body
and a new way of thinking
and new priorities
and new challenges
and new tempers
and old tempers
and new schedules
and new perspectives
and a new understanding
and old ways of doing things
and new ways of doing things
and a new sense of self and selflessness and selfishness.

Mom comes with a new love
a new meaning to the word love
a love so unique and incredibly genuine.
A love you can measure like rings around her heart.

Mother comes with new and old edges.
It comes with sharp replies
it comes with your history, your past, your wounds.

Mother comes with a new and an old soft.
Soft edges
soft words
soft reminders.

I have a new name, and it is mom.

12
May

Five Minute Friday - mom

Every Friday we unite for five minutes to write on one word. Only five minutes, that's all we get, that's all we have. And then, right where we are, no edits or second-thoughts, we publish those words. This week, we write on mom.
Go.

Each year, I write a letter.
A thank you.
A mother's day love.
Because I don't need ribbons and bows.
I don't need breakfast in bed and cards.
I need you to know that I already got a gift, the day I met you.

But last year, it occurred to me how all in you are.
How much this day means to you
and how hurtful it was that I was shutting it down.
And so, this year, I too am all in.
I will wait in bed for you to come get me.
I will hear you and dad making something special for me downstairs.
I will be all in with you.

And just the other day you were beaming with excitement...
I just can't wait until Mother's Day this year!
And when I asked why the answer was so simple, so kind...
because I want to celebrate you mom.

I am all in with you.
Because how do you ever say no to that?

This seasoned mother who is velveteen real still feels brand new to it all.
And it is because each day, something changes.
You change, you are always and forever changing and nothing is ever the same.
And so I have to change with you.

Moms are full of love
grace
humor
patience.

Moms are full of strength and power.
They are strong and determined.
They are tired and full of energy to keep going
for you.

You are here because I asked you to be.
I hoped you would be, I tried for you.
And each day, I continue to try because now I am here for you.
Moms are here for you.

Stop.

1
May

When mom was born

Something very special happened on the day you came into this world.
You were born, your birth is celebrated, you have begun.
And we celebrate all of you...
your tiny fingers
your little toes
we guess who you look like
what and who you will be.
You are so pink,
brand new pink.
We celebrate all of you
and your wonder
and greatness
your smallness
you.
We celebrate all of you.

But, in the shadows, in the background, a mom is born.

She too feels small
and scared
and full.
She is full of wonder and fright.
She is full of love and excitement and more fear.
She is full of hope.
She too sees the world differently now.
She too is seeing it all for the first time.

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She wants to cry and be held and be comforted.
She wants to rock with you
because she is so small.
She is so scared
and she is full of love.

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Her heart physically grows,
she can feel it.
And not just to make room, but because a new love was created.
She is born in labor rooms, in operating rooms, or in law-firms.
She is born screaming her way through it, crying, shaking and fighting for survival, for life.
She is born through natural childbirth, c-section, drugs, adoption, surrogacy, none of that matters.
She is born.

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She watches as a dad is born too, a father, and she takes it all in.
She sits and watches, she falls even harder, ever deeper,
in love.
She sees him learn and grow.
She watches him fall in love, all over again.
She watches his chest, as it too fills.
She can feel that too.
She watches, as a dad is born, a father,
a man who will forever be your back
your amazing
your hero
your dad that fixes everything.
She watches a dad be born too.

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She is tired but always finds more to give.
She gives of herself, of her mind, she gives you her body, her soul.
And she is mournful as you take your next step.
She realizes you are always more ready, you are always wanting the next milestone.
And so she mourns your loss.
Your need.
To be completely honest, she is mourning your loss to need her.
She has to keep herself and her desire to hold you undercover.
She has to move forward with you because she won't be left behind.
She is born.

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She is torn down, she rebuilds.
She is awakened through exhaustion.
She is the love that fixes the broken pieces.
She is right, she is wrong, she doesn't care,
she just wants peace.
She is born.

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She creates, she does destroy,
she is fearful and feared.
She is strong, even during her weakest of moments, her strength is like no other.
She is born.

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She grows along with you,
day by day, she is growing too.
She is taking her first steps, her first words, as mom.
She is learning, through you and your ways.
She is learning a new rhythm, a new dance.
She is so new, so raw, so glorious,
she is born.

She tries to be and stay in the background, so you find your own way.
She realizes you have to find your own strength,
and independence...
she is raising you to leave her.
Let me say that again because it is worth repeating...
she is raising you to leave her.
She is born.

She is and does define love.
and grace.
and hard wonderful strength.
She is born.

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She watches as sibling love is also born.
She watches as new love is once again created.
A new love between the two of you.
She watches, as everyone's heart grows again.
She feels it inside each and everyone.
She created all of this love, all of these large relationships and feelings.
And she is born into sibling arguments, and fights and the push and pull.
She is teaching, guiding, learning as she goes.

She sees how big the small is.
She sees how gorgeous parenting can be, even in the ugly.
She realizes how much there is to learn, especially when she thinks she knows it all.
She watches you, always.
She adores you.
She changed so much for you.
She changed herself, her body, her definition of self,
god, she doesn't recognize herself
because she was born,
the day you were born.

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And then comes the day the seasoned mother realizes, there is so much of her still there.
And she realizes what it means to put on her own oxygen mask first.
And she does, and she finds so much more of herself to give.

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Yes, you are to be celebrated.
Your fingers and toes counted and kissed.
From the top of your head down to your last piglet toe,
you are to be celebrated.
You were born.
Fresh, new, all new to this world.
You are the best people she knows.
And she is your biggest fan,
always on your side and always rooting for you.
And she is so lucky you chose her to mother.
See, you created her too.
And that is why each year, your birthday has a very special meaning for her.
It's a very special day for her too.
It is full of memories,
and each second means something to her.
Each second is a count down
to the day she was born.
She is born to love you
she is born to watch you
she is born to raise you
and she is born to let you go.
She is born.

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