9
Jan

More!

You hit me hard.
You wanted me to crumble, and I did.
You wanted me to break and walk away from all that I knew,
and I almost did that too.

You started with so much sickness
so much scary and unknown
so much stress and worry
so much testing and anger
so much sadness and confusion.

See, 2016 was the year that I swore up and down I would stop wishing time away.
That was my resolution, I would stop wishing my life away.
Because for as long as I can remember me, I was always the person that would say, I just need to get through...fill in the blank.
And then one day I woke up and said enough, I have wished it all away and no more.
This is my life, I can either change it or live it and I am choosing both.
But 2016 was a tough one, all around.
And so, I say a very welcomed good-bye to you and I am dusting myself off and trying...
all over again.

Each year, I feel like my theme with resolutions circles around the word less...
less worry, less stress, less stuff.
So this year, I am going the opposite direction.
New year, new me. And this year, the word is more.
MORE!
More laughter
more fun
more me
more us
more them
more who I really am, not this angry person I have become
more time
more opportunities
more adventures
more trying
more new
more for my business
more of what I love
more love.

So, first things first.
I am going to start finding things funny again.
Really funny.
Us, I will find the humor in us and our situation and our kids.
God, I am going to laugh hard with my kids.
More laugh lines, not worry lines.
More silly.
So, I am going to lighten the hell up...way more!

I am going to kick my own ass, way more!
Yep, I am always afraid.
Yep, my first response is always "I can't do that".
Yep, I have to walk through my fear and I always do.
So, more me.
More time spent working to get out of my head.
More time spent on putting my own mask on first.
More time spent doing yoga
and running
and racing
and watching movies
and reading
and building my business
and building me.
More me.

More talking.
More spending time listening to your day.
More walking away from my work to show you that you matter.
More turning everything else off to be with you.
More hands free mom.
More curling up with you and just letting you go.
More time in the car together where you really open up.
More listening.
More of me with you.

More calm presence.
More loving words
more open arms
more smiles
more warmth
more letting you know I have your back
more being on your side
more snuggles
more laying with you at night
more caressing your face
more running my fingers through your hair.
More love towards those I love.

More smiling.
More finding other people as good.
More smiles with strangers.
More complimenting people just because it's true.
More giving of myself to those I don't even know in the most simple and humane way.

More happy.
More finding fun new things to do.
More snowshoeing.
More ice skating.
More playing hoops together.
More board games
more card games
more puzzles
more legos
more family adventure
more hikes
more trips.
More joy in our lives.

I am ready for the challenges that will come.
I am ready for a new puppy to show us that life always moves and goes on.
I am ready for this family, the one we created, the one we wanted, the one we have, the one we need to feel lucky to have.
I am ready for us, all of us.
I am ready to fall back in love.
I am ready to be comfortable.
I am ready to be full on me, us.
Just more of it.

11
Oct

Stifling

It started pretty early with you.
The stifling
of you
of your movement
of your actions
the NO! that we scream multiple times a day.
You were always so much more active,
squirmy
quick to grab
take.
You always wanted to be on the go
run run run
climb
jump
dance.
It was always movement.
Yes, you are even active while you sleep.
Constantly tossing and turning,
moving.
Forever in motion.
And so, we learned how to say "no!" quickly and it has always stuck.

IMG_4897

Even as I write this, during what is supposed to be your quiet time,
your time to regroup
maybe take a little nap,
I hear those little feet scrambling.
I hear you in and out of that room.
I am up and down the stairs trying to get you to just rest,
even for a few minutes.

Houser25

But, my sweet boy.
You need to move.
You need to be active.
You need it for your soul.
It is a part of your purpose
it is what defines you.
Motion, movement, action, play, climbing, jumping,
motion.
And WE have to find ways to accept that
WE have to find ways to channel all of that energy and make it all ok.

We have to find a way to be ok with you falling.
And hurting yourself
and maybe even breaking a bone (did I just write that??!)
Because you need to climb.
You need to run
you will trip
you will topple over
you will fall from something high
but you also need to move.

IMG_6685

And these stifling parents that you have,
the ones that always say no
the ones that are always taking you down,
the ones that are always pulling you off of something or somewhere high
the ones that are telling you to slow down
the ones that are always yelling no
these stifling parents of yours
they will catch up
to you.

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