23
Oct

This is my vow

It's the end of the day, and the exhaustion has hit us both.
For me, that turns into rage and zero patience.
For both of you, that turns into unraveling and becoming a nightmare version of yourself.
Everything that is asked is "too hard"
you need "help" with every little task
everything is a "no!"
or being ignored.
And I spin out and out and out of control as the anger washes over me.

And most times, your tears make your whole face so wet that your hair gets stuck to you,
your body is drained
and your anger is what is pushing you through.
You scream, you rant, sometimes you run,
and all of it continues to build and hurt me.

I can see no out, until I am reminded that you are small and on the nights that it does hit me,
I finally take a step back, breathe and go to you.
I start by holding you,
lifting you close to me,
saying I am so sorry for my part,
explaining how the frustration was just too much for both of us.
I wipe away the tears, but allow you to keep crying.
I rock with you, and say nothing at all until you are done.
I hold you close and push back your hair, untangle it from your wet face,
and I tell you that we both need a do over, we both need to start again.

And my to do list grows in this time
I can't be anywhere else that I need to be
because I am needed here.
The list that now has to wait is probably what started all of this to begin with so to hell with it.
I am needed here, I am needed with you.

Because I will always pick you.
Over work
over the house
over my to dos
over my type A personality
over cleaning and dinner and backpacks and your homework.
I will always pick you
and I will always be there, for you.

Even when that boy breaks up with you
or that girl said something mean
or that friend doesn't want to play with you this week
or someone made fun of something you are wearing
something you are into
I will always pick you,
and I will always be there, for you.

Even when you no longer need us, but just want us there.
Even if and when you decide to go through this parenting journey and you need someone to cry to,
to hold you and tell you that you are doing it right,
I will always pick you,
and I will always be there, for you.

Because the crazy part about this journey is, we are never done.
We are forever and always connected.
And my vow is that I will just be the one you can turn to
I will always pick you,
and I will always be there, for you.

22
Jul

Five Minute Friday - help

Every Friday we unite for five minutes to write on one word. Only five minutes, that's all we get, that's all we have. And then, right where we are, no edits or second-thoughts, we publish those words. This week, we write on help.
Go.

The hardest thing to ask for
the easiest thing to give.
The hardest to admit you need
the easiest to see if needed.
The way it has somehow come to mean weak and needing to be rescued
but instead means you have so much strength to ask for a hand across the other side.

And we will always help each other,
because the world is complicated and we all need so much help to navigate it.
Because loss is painful and we all need help to realize we are never alone.
Because raising tiny humans is hard, and we all need help to find our humor.
Because it can be scary in the real world, and we all need help to realize we are not being abandoned but trusted.
Because life can be so scary for some and they need help to turn on the light, and step out of the darkness.
Because hurt runs deep and can ruin souls, so we all need help to remind ourselves to stay kind.
Because fear can be debilitating and paralyzing and we all need help to realize our own strength.
Because time can allow you to get lost in fog and we all need help to remind ourselves that it is the only way to heal.

Because love helps us to put our pieces back together again.
Because laughter helps us to find ourselves again.
Because friends help you to create your framily.
Because children help to give you your second chance at childhood.
Because no one needs to be rescued, but everyone could use some help.

Stop.

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