Childhoodtake2!

I crept into your room and even though dad had just put you down, I knew you were almost asleep.
Exhausted from your day
from your not napping
from the running around.
I knew you were almost done.

And so, I opened the door and your heavy eyes opened one last time
as you looked at me,
calm
quiet
still
soft.

And I snuggled in.
To the face that I made,
the one that I love,
the little three year old boy that is all energy.
Who's switch had finally been flicked off.
And I saw how soft you have always been,
even when you're hard.

It's a word that rarely gets used to describe you.
The one in constant motion,
the one that is constantly storming,
always loud
always all in.
Soft, it's rare that anyone calls you soft.

And in these moments,
I think about all of the ways I fell short today.
How many times I was too harsh,
when I wasn't the adult in the room,
when I was too hard
And I think about what I have left you with.
What memories did I make?
How many more nights will I get to see this little little boy?

And you sweet boy,
you remind me of second chances.
Because no matter how difficult our day was
no matter how hard it was on us,
you are soft.
No matter how harsh I may have been
how many do overs I needed,
no matter how hard I was,
you always forgive because you are soft.
You still wrap your loving and forgiving arms around me
still tell me you love me
still find the ability to be silly.
When life is hard,
you remind me to be soft.
When you are hard,
I have to remember to approach it softly.
When I am hard on you, on our day, on our little family,
you are the one that teaches me to be softer.
When things get hard,
you plead with me to take the soft way out.
Because you are forgiving,
to me
and others
to yourself
and your family.
You are soft,
to me
and others
and yourself
and others.

You remind me how easy it is to start over.
How easy it is to let go.
How easy it is to forgive and move on.
How easy it is to be soft, gentle, and loving.

You are full of love
full of second chances
full of life
full of joy
even when you are hard, you are soft.