My last

You will always and forever be my last firsts.
Because you, my sweet boy, you are my last baby.
My last, every milestone.
Every last of yours, will be a last of mine.
Because there was a day, that I fell in love with having two children.
Because on the day you were born, my heart grew to twice its size.
And I could physically feel it, just like I felt it happen to dad.
And you my monkey man, well you will forever and always be my only love at first sight.


And when I held you, when I hold you, the words you're my favorite little boy come pouring out of me.
You're my favorite son.
Because you made me realize how we all wear every emotion on us.
How we all walk around with really big feelings and how we all have trouble getting it all sorted out.
You reminded me why I fell in love with your dad, because joy spills out of you.
You reminded me what drives me crazy about all of us, but what makes us all so alike,
we all feel big.
You taught me that love is something you have to occasionally run from so you can run towards it at full speed.
You taught me that at times, childhood, it's no joke.
You are this amazing kid, the one that continues to teach me to never give up.
To fight for what you want out of life.
Because you, sweet little man, you fought your way through, and you are not going to stop until you get it just right.
You are my last.


Your smile, your eyes, your new - all remind me of dad.
Your soul, your love, your big feels - all remind me of me.
Your mind, your fierce fight and love for life, a perfect mix of us both.
And just like my body once again grew for you,
so did my heart.
You would not have it any other way. You were determined to make this world, this life love you from top to bottom.
You are my last.


And since you were determined to make a splash, to be noticed, you needed to be louder, bigger.
You needed to be different you wanted to stand out and make your own mark in this family.
Because with your first, you feel like you can conquer anything and everything.
And it's your second that humbles you.
It's your first going through toddlerhood and your second making their way that makes you realize, you are in this together.
You are building a team.
And although there are times we all feel torn down and defeated, we unite, together.
And that's another thing you taught me Cole.
That even at my most confident, I didn't have it all figured out and I will never have it all figured out.
But, we will make our way, together.
You are my last.


And here is your special part,
even though you do not remember this time...
you are the only child I will have that had all of us, the whole family, looking after you.
You got a sibling from the moment you were here.
You got her attention and her love
all just for you.
You are my last.

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And your firsts are still my lasts.
And you are going to carry that with you as I quietly mourn and loudly cheer you on.
You are taking me by the hand and showing me how to keep moving with you.
You lead our dance.
You are my last.
You lead our dance because you are my last firsts.


And letting go of you has always been and will continue to be hard.
Because you are the last one.
Letting go will always be hard.
But, like you continue to do, you lead to let me know how ready you are.
You are not going to be defined by my inability, you will be defined by your ability and your soul, your spirit.



Five Minute Friday - team

Every Friday we unite for five minutes to write on one word. Only five minutes, that's all we get, that's all we have. And then, right where we are, no edits or second-thoughts, we publish those words. This week, we write on team.

He came into my life as my partner, my coach and he created our team.
A team of four, connected, bonded, working together.
Working towards one goal of #happychildhood, even as you grow and we age.
It was how we announced the thought of you Anna. We told anyone that would listen that coach Housers were expecting a new teammate.
It's how we refer to ourselves, as team Houser.
It's what I tell you all of the time, that we are a united team, and we are always here for each other.
We are in this journey, this game, together.
We are all on the same side, on each other's side.
Even when we disagree, even when we are at odds and even when we can't seem to make a single decision together,
our unit, our family, we are a team.
Because so many times in this life, we feel alone.
As kids age, they feel isolated, not accepted and on their own.
But you never have to worry about that, your team is here, we are right here.


And watching you both become teammates,
has been remarkable.
You may be at each other's throats, insistent you are both heard at the same time,
but you have each other's backs.
You too are connected, you and only you will know our full story.
You and only you will know what it was like growing up with us.
And only you will forever understand how that shapes who you are today.
And you were always each other's favorites.

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We always knew, from the moment we met, that we were family.
I always knew your dad and I were going to be in each other's lives, no matter the title.
I always knew that he would melt me and take away the years of frustration and anger I was burdening myself with.
I always knew, when I looked into his joyful face, that he would win at life.
Because he just believes in people, because he is always willing to hear the whole story, because he has the patience to wait until all of the facts are in and make an informed decision.
And he will do that for you.
He, we, will never judge.
We are only here to listen.
Because each part of a team has a special role, each one carries an important piece of the puzzle to cross the finish line
and each of us has a strength.
We will continue to nurture your strengths, we will continue to build you up and teach you how important it is to the bigger picture
of life.




Five Minute Friday - happy

Every Friday we unite for five minutes to write on one word. Only five minutes, that's all we get, that's all we have. And then, right where we are, no edits or second-thoughts, we publish those words. This week, we write on happy.

"You only know you've been high when you're feeling low"

It's in there, happiness.
It's there, sitting in you, in all of us,
wanting, needing, desperate to come out.
That joyful, free, light feeling of happy.
Joy, is sitting inside.

But in order to appreciate the sun, you need the rain.
In order to appreciate the warmth, winter has to set it.
In order to appreciate joy and love and all things glorious, you have to know pain and sorrow and sadness.

Your natural joy, your carefree spirit, your love of life and amazing smile,
that's what I fell so madly, deeply, crazy in love with.
Up until I met you, I didn't have the kind of life in which someone smiled through their day.
And I just knew, you were going to be the best part of me.
You were going to bring out the best in me.
Our life, would have struggles, because all lives that live and love do,
but happy, we were going to be happy.


And I was right, happy is what we found.
Our life has had struggles.
We are not strangers to pain, we have seen and felt and been covered in blue.
We have fought, with and for each other.
We have held hands through health concerns and kids and we have been turned upside down.
We have lived through this life, we are not surviving it and with that comes pain and loss and at times a hurt that makes your heart break and your face drop and your eyes spill emotion.
But happy, we are.
And through the tantrums and screams and chaos of kids and family
we are now searching for joy,
that natural joy that beamed out of us, when we first met.
When life was simple and all you had to worry about was simple too and you knew it.
I fell in love with that natural joy and it brought out a sense of hope and belief in me,
And I know that if we find it again, they too will realize that joy is just as important as love.

You see, when I feel, I am all in.
Sad, I am blue and covered in sorrow.
Angry, I am enraged and cannot see straight.
Happy, I am elated, beaming, sunshine and so light and carefree.
When I feel, I am all in.
And they are the same.
That is the childhood they and I carry.
We are full of big emotions in this house, all of us wear our hearts on the outside of our bodies.
All of us feel big and speak loud to have our feeling heard and realized.
When we feel, we are all in.

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So now that we have happy and love covered,
now that they know how safe they are to express their emotions,
now that our family is finding it's way back,
let's remember the power and magic of joy and happy.
Let's have them look back and say I had a

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