21
Feb

Five Minute Friday - risk

Every Friday we unite for five minutes. Only five minutes, that's all we get, that's all we have. And then, right where we are, no edits or second-thoughts, we publish those words. This week, we write on risk.

Walking down that aisle, I took a risk that never felt like one.

Deciding we were trying for that little blue line was the biggest risk we ever took, but we did it anyway.

Leading BBBSCR was risky, I was so green, they had more faith in me than I ever had, but I threw myself into it and did it.

Leaving it all behind, starting new and on my own, yeah, it was and is really risky, but here we are.

Even the things I plan and calculate, even things I try to eliminate the potential for risk from, they all come with risk attached. It's just embedded in all that we do. Getting out of bed each day means you are willing to risk it all and try for this day. Even if the day ebbs and flows with what you think is the "normal and boring every day". It's not, there are risks in all that we do. And I for one, am petrified of risks, but here we are...married, mortgage, kids we are responsible for, and running a company while managing a life.

So, listen to the woman who is always scared when she says, you can plan for it. You can have life-insurance and wills and insurance, and succession plans and backup plans and emergency funds and attrition funds. You can try to drive walk in the dark in groups and keep your doors locked and drive safe. You can walk looking both ways, you can hold hands when you cross the street, you can try to make calculated plans. You can create your lists and tell the world what you want to be done "in case". You can plan for the "in case". And don't get me wrong, it will help, but it won't eliminate the risk.

Because it's kind of how you know you're actually living. You fall in love and it may or may not work. You have kids and all plans go out the window because it all changes. You can invest in a home and anything can happen, go wrong and by the way, there is always something to do or something that's going wrong. You can take really good care of your body and be healthy but still be injured. And even from this terrified fool, I wouldn't trade it for the world. I love you dad, I believe in him, I believe in us. I am his biggest fan and no matter what happens tomorrow, I can't change that. I adore that he pushed me to have you, I cannot get enough of my second chance at childhood. I love protecting it and as hard as it is to let you go, I do love seeing what you do with who you are each day. I heart our home and the calm it brings me when I walk in. This is my haven and I love how each corner of it is us.

I'm proud of the chances we took and all the risks that came with them.

Stop.


11
Feb

Showing up

Lovies, this week, I had some pretty special people show up and show their love for me and an agency I hearted. And as I tried really hard to get through what they meant to me, what this place meant to me, what dad meant to me, I couldn't. I couldn't get the words out and I couldn't talk and the harder I tried, the quieter I got.

When I looked up at dad, he was trying so hard to be supportive and I could tell he was telling me I didn't have to, I didn't have to thank him. I didn't have to struggle through this, he knew. I tried, I really did, but it all sounded so quiet.

That night, I wanted to apologize, to tell him that it really did matter to me that he knew, that it mattered to me that he realized I never did any of this alone. That when I was asked, how are you doing all of this, I said, I have Cory. That I always had my lovey, my coach, and that no one has ever believed in me like this. That all of his hard work, all of his giving, all of his efforts, they mattered. I wouldn't have been able to do any of this without him, every single day.

Brin, we show up for each other, this is what we do. The nights I have to coach, the months you are at this alone, we just do it. That's what our family does. We don't ever have to worry about it, because we know the other one is there.

We show up for each other. It sounds so simple, but damn, he could not have been more right. We do just show up for each other and we do just keep going. I wish I could say the months it is just me showing up that I handled it with as much grace and love as dad, but I know I didn't. Still, I continued to show up and he has always shown up for us.

Marriage is so funny that way. There are so many things that a couple could be doing better, there are so many areas they can continue to grow towards each other, there are so many ways we stumble and so many times we just plain old fail. But for the ones that are in this for life, for the ones that found and then built on their family, they find their thing. And this little simple thing is ours, we show up for each other. We are partners in every way possible. It is never ever ever 50/50 in our house. Not one time, not one day. One is always giving more and that person can change day by day or minute by minute. That one person can be the one giving way more for way longer, but they get it, this is what is needed right now. This is how I am showing up. This is how I am there for my family, even when I am not the one there. We just show up.

It's what we do, and it's what we have always done. You know that, there's no need to thank me for us being us.

But there is lovey. Thank you for thinking I had a handle on this and thank you for thinking I could work at it. Thank you for letting me work at it. Thank you for letting me have it take over our lives and thank you for bringing me back and reminding me I can't let it take over. Thank you for believing we had this in us, thank you for wanting them and believing we could do that too. Thank you for seeing me, loving me, the real me, thank you for expecting more out of me and thank you for understanding my limitations. Thank you for knowing when you are not going to stand for something and thank you for letting me think I'm in charge, even though I never am. Thank you, for allowing me to cry and freak out. Thank you for talking me off of ledges and thank you for reminding me no matter what, it will all work out and be okay. Thank you for all of the listening and not just agreeing with me, but really trying to get me to stretch and see things differently. Thank you for loving all of us, as hard as you can and thank you for wanting them so much that you made me want them too. Thank you for your patience, your joy, your dad humor, for all people loving you because they see how great you are. Thank you for holding my hand in a public place, thank you for coming to every single event and being the one I could always find in a crowded and tired room. Thank you for letting me work all hours and thank you for listening to the alarm go off for hours while I willed myself out of bed. Thank you for all of the meals, and cleanups and all of the activities you sign them up for and schedule. Thank you for letting me sit out so much, thank you for all of their mornings and all the hurrying you had to do.

Thank you for always showing up, thank you for realizing it's our thing, and thank you for loving the hell out of us.

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