Childhoodtake2!

I have one superpower...one.
My ability to love.

I love to love on my people.
I am good at loving my people.
I am loyal.
I am a good listener.
I think about them.
I hear what people are saying, I really listen to them.

I love learning from my people.
Hearing how and why they do things.
I love learning tricks and different routines.
I love hearing their why and finding out what is important.

I love telling my people something I have been struggling with and learning how to improve myself.
They make me a better person
A better mom
A better bride
A better leader
I love learning from my people.

I love hearing back stories.
I love knowing what makes my people happy.
I love complimenting my people, reminding them of their superpower, their ability to be them.

I love my people.
I know right away if you are.
I love knowing your struggles and listening to you.
I love letting you know that you are not alone.
I love making you feel necessary, seen, heard, and believed.

I love laughing with them.
I love making them feel good.
I love being around them, I take comfort in their presence.

I love being real with them.
I love crying with them and talking about my marriage and parenting problems.
I want the world to know that we all struggle...that is the secret that no one talks about.
Struggles are real, and there is nothing wrong with you or me that we are in the middle of one.

I am good at loving my people.
It is a superpower and I take the responsibility very seriously.
Because to see a person's heart and hold it that close to you is serious and I don't play around with it.

With a superpower, comes kryptonite.

Like all superpowers, I too have a weakness and my very own kryptonite.
My kryptonite is my superpower.
It too is my ability to love.

I love hard and to a fault.
My expectations are always too high because my self-expectations are high.
And I get hurt, as all people get hurt, but I hold on longer than most.
The pain, let's just say I am taken by surprise...every single damn time.
I am bewildered and that's when I lose my voice and my power.
I can feel beat up. I am often surprised by how harsh humans can be.
I often take way too long with people...way too long...years too long...before I find my voice and my self-respect.
I have kryptonite.

Lovies, your mamma has been through it recently.
Just know I am quiet because I am thinking.
Just know that I am sad because I am regrouping.
Just know that I am lost in thought because I am working through the blame.
Because I always start with blame; blaming myself.
I'm the common denominator after all. There must be something I am doing.

Or...
Could it be that when you love like this, it is easy to pile on?
Could it be that I may be easy to dump on AND I take love too seriously?
Could it be that I am one that forgets herself and her self-worth and just goes quiet?
Could it be that I need to look at my life, how I am leading it, and who I am allowing to have access to me?
Could it be that it is time for me to look at the life I am leading?
Should I take a look at what I am doing?
Should I make some changes?
Should I learn to love a little differently?
And then start again...start loving again.

I find myself at a crossroads and at the end of another year. I have some figuring out to do, that is for damn sure.

But the way I love on you...
Littles, if my superpower is my ability to love, I do it best with you.
I am super at loving you.
I set a strong foundation for us.
I am real with you.
I am empathetic.
I am on your team but I set standards for you because I believe in you.
I see your heart.
I have nicknames for you...many many many nicknames.
I have cute ways of telling you how much I love you...many many many ways.
I set family traditions that you look forward to and love love love.
I create memories for you and for me...good ones.
You gave me my second chance at childhood.
I gave you your first.
You give me warmth.
I give you a safe home.
You give me snuggles.
I give you my heart.
You give me smooches.
I give you all of me.
I shine brightest at loving on you my loves.
It is my superpower.

Rich colours actually look more luminous on a grey day, because they are seen against a somber background and seem to be burning with a lustre of their own. Against a dark sky all flowers look like fireworks. - G. K. Chesterton - "The Glory of Grey" It snowed today. And although not our first snowfall of the season, our first all-day snowfall. Although it was messy and very sloppy, I took a slow and deliberate run in the quiet gray. If you love to run and it's a part of your routine and identity, you have to find a way to continue to do it in this kind of weather. Living in upstate New York gives you very few "perfect weather for running" days so you have to make do with what comes your way. So, on this very wet and sloppy kind of a mess, I took a very slow and deliberate run. In the quiet gray that surrounded me. There's something so special about running in this weather. The streets are empty. You can see people inside their homes. You can see fires coming out of their roofs and you can see the glow of TVs and lights already on because the gray is taking over. Everything is a little slower. Every once in a while, you'll run into someone shoveling their driveway or out for a walk. You'll catch a dog trying to figure out what is happening to its grassy patch of earth, but most of the run, it's just me and the sound of my feet. It's me shaking off the snow so I don't feel too wet. It's just me and the gray, all around me gray. And it's gorgeous. The quiet is gorgeous, the sound of nothing. The white trees are gorgeous, the way they get heavy. The cold is gorgeous, you notice your each and every breath. When I get home, the fireplace is on. The puppy is snuggled and cozy. The warmth takes over and the colors of my home come to life. "...because they are seen against a somber background and seem to be burning with a lustre of their own..." There is power in gray. There is a deepness and richness to it. There is a quiet that is needed and a slowness that is desired. Things take longer when it's gray. Time slows down to a more appropraite speed. I feel calmer in gray, more able to rest my body and my thoughts. There is a power in that. There is power in gray.

Every Friday we unite for five minutes. Only five minutes, that's all we get, that's all we have. And then, right where we are, no edits or second-thoughts, we publish those words. This week, we write on simple.

Go.

Holiday hands.
Gathering on a Friday night to snuggle in.
A warm drink in my hand.
Snow falling.
The sound of rain.
A happy to see us puppy.
Your smile.
When you laugh.
Our traditions.
Our love of movies and shows.
Our love of family.
Our love.

There are so many simple ways to find a little joy. There are so many simple ways to show up for someone and make them feel so special, so seen, so taken care of, and loved.

Our nighttime snuggles.
Our Thursday morning dates.
Our walks and talks.
My quiet puppy runs.
My quiet mornings.
The way you eat.
The way you are.
Your heart.
Your care.
Your love of others.
When I see the joy in you.

There are so many simple ways to find a little joy. There are so many simple ways to show up for someone and make them feel so special, so seen, so taken care of, and loved.

Although there is so much work involved in being a parent.
So many intentional thoughts and movements.
The best times are the simple ones.
The ones where you remind your kids that love can be light.
Love can be shown in very small, simple gestures.
Love can be little moments of kindness and care.

So, littles, let me remind you of something...
this life/world/community it is challenging as hell.
It is complicated and at times so so heavy.
Sometimes it is so heavy you cannot get up and that is when you rest.
We bare responsibilities and at times actual burdens.
But, this life/world/community...it is also gorgeous in how simple it can be.
And the truth is, sometimes we are the ones making it too heavy.
So remember, when things get to be too much, get back to simple.
Go back to the basics of simple, pure love and find your joy.

There are so many simple ways to find a little joy. There are so many simple ways to show up for someone and make them feel so special, so seen, so taken care of, and loved.