29
Jan

Pearl Rose

There isn’t a human being in the world worthy of any dog’s welcome. –RICHARD POWERS

I'm going to say it, we don't deserve dogs.
We don't deserve their attention, adoration, snuggles, or smooches.
We don't deserve their tail wags, their perked ears, their nose bumps.
We don't deserve their cooley's shaking when they see us or their sad eyes as we're saying goodbye.

We don't deserve their warm welcomes.
Or their hugs.
We don't deserve their excitement and their constant love.
We don't deserve their loyalty, protection, or ability to continue learning what we want them to do.

We don't deserve their tiny paws reaching for us.
Or their soft ears that feel like fleece blankets.
We don't deserve to be raised by them or to be their forever.
We don't deserve to be their always.

But, they give us all of this anyway. They give us all of them, every single day.
They give us their excitement and their calm.
They give us their whole selves, no ties, no exceptions, just them.

They love our families. They love their homes.
They welcome our guests, they look forward to the quiet.
They love our walks and our runs. They adore their rest and all the sleep they want.
They love our beds and couches and their beds and blankets.
They love a car ride and are sad when a member of the pack leaves.
They look out for their family and they protect what they love.

We don't deserve dogs, but they don't care.




27
Jan

Five Minute Friday - far

Every Friday we unite for five minutes. Only five minutes, that's all we get, that's all we have. And then, right where we are, no edits or second thoughts, we publish those words. This week, we write on far.

I must say, I have come pretty damn far.
For someone who spent most of her life wearing busy like a badge of honor...
for someone who loved her work so much it became her...
for someone who only knew how to push all the limits until she broke...
I have come pretty damn far.

I do not take it for granted that I needed the world actually to stop spinning to make significant changes.
I do not take it for granted that I needed to leave who I was behind and start something so completely different that I couldn't be who I was.
But, I will say that before all of that, I made a decision.
Before all of that, I made some pretty big moves.
And I have come pretty damn far.

Because of that, my family has also come far with me.
My kids see the real me. The one that is warmer, less likely to snap, less likely to be on her last nerve.
My dog gets all of me all of the time.
I am able to be where I want when I want.
I am able to be.
I have new hobbies.
I have changed how I work, how I work out, and how I always needed to go to extremes.
I have come pretty damn far. And so have all of us.

I like this little life I have created for myself.
I like my new environment.
I like my structure.
I like my flexibility.
I like the ability to me more than my work while still loving my work.
I love what I put in and get out of my work.
I have come pretty damn far.

So, to the woman who struggled to see any other way.
Who was so lost and could not find a way out.
Who was so exhausted she only dreamed of nightmares.
Congratulations, you have come pretty damn far.

22
Jan

Love

Kindness eases change / Love quiets fear –OCTAVIA E. BUTLER

Love is an amazing emotion.
It takes up space, it fills the empty space in you, it washes over you like a bath.
And just like that, love makes you feel warm, cared for, present. It brings out smiles, joy, kindness.
Love is an amazing emotion.

When you are in doubt - of yourself, your worth, your self-worth - love whispers to you.
Almost like sweet nothings in your ear - love reminds you that you are important, you are here, and it matters that you are here.
Love is an amazing emotion.

Love helps with pain, sorrow, even grief.
It fixes the broken, and allows for healing.
It humbles you, it it astounding.
Love is an amazing emotion.

Love tells you to be kinder. Love reminds you that no matter what you do or don't do, it will show up.
Love won't back down, won't be afraid, won't back away.
Love is not shy, it is not written in ink, it is ever-changing, growing, evolving.
Love is an amazing emotion.

Love melts the hard spots, especially the ones in your heart.
It allows you to dream bigger, and see brighter. It asks you to forgive, it asks you to kneel and it asks you to rise.
It allows you to think about a future, with a person, in a spot, or to do more than think, to plan.
Love it an amazing emotion.

Love cannot be scripted, it does not wash away, no matter distance or circumstance.
It is ever-present, always involved.
Love asks your heart to grow and it asks it to rest. It asks it to settle into comfort as it flutters at a voice, or a sound or a smile.
Love is an amazing emotion.

I have met many lovers of love in my life.
I too am one.
I also created one.
I also adopted one.
I understand their need, their desire to feel loved, to show love, to give love, to have it received.
I understand their hearts, how pure it is.
I understand how and why they are all in on what they love, who they love. They know no other way.
I understand their emotions, I understand their power.

Love is one amazing emotion.

20
Jan

Five Minute Friday - say

Every Friday we unite for five minutes. Only five minutes, that's all we get, that's all we have. And then, right where we are, no edits or second thoughts, we publish those words. This week, we write on say.

When I said hello to you, I opened up my world and I chose bigger.
When I said hello to you, I said hello to motherhood, and I chose bigger.
When I say I love you, I mean I love you down to my toes.
When I say I picked this life, I mean it, I picked you all.

When we said goodbye to you, it was the hardest day of our adult lives.
We held you as you took your last breath, and we knew that we loved you as hard as we could for as long as we could and it was time.
When I say I love you, I mean I love you down to my toes.

When we said goodbye to you, it was harder than we had imagined.
Leading up to your end was beyond complicated and heartbreaking.
But once again grief shows us that love was there. Love was present and for that, we are grateful.
When I say I love you, I mean it. I loved you and I tried for you.

When I say that family just shows up, I mean it.
We feel each other and we are just there.
We don't need to ask, we just show up.
And when I say that I love you for it, I mean it.

When I say that I love my work, I mean it.
In fact, for most of my life, all I was work.
All I thought about, fought for, and became.
I love my work so much that I needed to walk away, start again, and learn from my mistakes.
But when I say I love to work and I love my work, I mean it.
When I say I love you, I mean I love you down to my toes.

When I say that I do work on myself, I mean it.
I stake stock, I look at who I was, am, becoming.
I ask if I am headed in the direction I want.
I ask if my heart feels fulfilled. I ask others around me about me.
I take too much responsibility and I live in constant extremes.
When I say I am a work in process, I mean it.

I don't always say what I mean. I'm too meek for that.
I don't always mean what I say. I'm too quick to anger for that.
But when I say I love you, I mean down to my toes.
It does not matter who you are, if I say I love you, I mean it.
Down to my toes. I picked you. I want you in my life. I want to be a part of yours.
When I say I love you, I mean down to my toes. I mean it.

13
Jan

Five Minute Friday - pattern

Every Friday we unite for five minutes. Only five minutes, that's all we get, that's all we have. And then, right where we are, no edits or second thoughts, we publish those words. This week, we write on pattern.

Patterns exist all around us.
They can appear in shapes, colors, and music.
They appear in habits and our routines, our own "tells".

I have several patterns and I definitely have tells.

They help us make sense of the world and they help calm our minds.
They provide order.
There is a predictability to a pattern that feels soothing.
They help us to realize what comes next.
We teach our children patterns as they are growing and learning and as adults, creating a pattern, and seeing it, it is what our brains do best.

But, they can also be harmful and they can become stifling and old.
They sometimes need to be broken so we can break the harm we are inflicting.
Or, we need to see something from a different angle and a different perspective.
You have to break your pattern to do that at times.

For a woman who doesn't break, change, or feel that patterns are harmful, it took me a minute. It took me a minute to recognize my own unhealthy patterns. It took me a minute to recognize the healthy ones too.
But I see now that we all create them to get by, get through, and keep going. We create them because our mind needs to see a pattern. We create them to make sense of the unpredictable world we live in.

And now, it is time for me to find the beautiful patterns in my life. The patterns in the lake. The ones in my home, the home I curated from scratch. The patterns in my work, the ones I honor with love. The patterns in art, the ones in the sky. The patterns of a garden, the patterns of treesThe ones that are appealing, loving, and confident in their strength. It's time for me to honor their glorious beauty.

7
Jan

Right here

Make space and arrive...Spend some time with yourself...Right here and breathe

You and I, we have a special bond. More special than most. But when the world stopped spinning, you were one of the first I turned my back on. I have no idea why. I asked others why I couldn't find my way to you, why I stopped feeling you and our bond because I couldn't believe it. They said that maybe I needed a break from you, but I knew that wasn't right. I could feel what I needed breaks from and you were not it. They said maybe you and I find our way in community spaces, and right now, community is lost. And maybe that fits? So I tried in my own way to get back to you, and then I gave up and waited.

Once the world opened back up, you were the last thing I went back to. Again, I have no idea why. Once I found my way back in, I felt - shy, saddened, embarrassed, and sorry. I laid down at your feet, but you didn't flinch, you told me to rise.

I came with my tail between my legs asking for forgiveness, and you reminded me that it was not necessary. The bond is stronger than any break. And we immediately found our rhythm. You told me to rise. Spend time with yourself, find your way back, find your breath, and your balance. Feel the rise and fall of your belly, listen to the sound your breath makes, find a little quiet spot, make room, take up room, and rise.

Make space and arrive...Spend some time with yourself...Right here and breathe

You asked me to roll out my mat, sit down, close my eyes, place a hand over my beating heart, take notice of my inhale, and exhale, don't change anything yet, just notice. Start to inhale what you need more of, exhale what you came to let go.

And the exhale is releasing all the tension I've been feeling
On the surface and beneath me, I'm connecting to my spirit
And I'm here now right before you, present in this moment
And our life's work is to honor the beauty all around you

Then, you asked that I slowly come to my feet, and rise.
Make space and arrive...Spend some time with yourself...Right here and breathe

I immediately remembered us. I immediately felt us again. I was surrounded by what I needed more of, you. I let go of what I needed less of, insecurities, fears, and most importantly, tension. I followed my breath, I remembered to breathe. We moved together again. We found poses together, we found space. You asked me to take up more space at a time I shrunk to fit into boxes. You asked me to take up room, more room, and then, you asked me to let it go. You asked me to inhale more love, more self-awareness, more emotion, more of me. You asked me to just be. And then, you asked me to spend some time with myself and rise.

Make space and arrive...Spend some time with yourself...Right here and breathe

So, I found my way back to us, our bond, our love. I made space, spent time with myself, and rose.

2
Jan

Beauty

Our life's work is to honor the beauty all around you.

Hi 2024. I have been feeling like I have not been handling the last two years well.
I have been sadder than normal. I cried quite a bit, but out of real sadness and confusion.
I got very small, quiet and went away.
Although I'm still figuring out who I now am and how to now act, I do know I don't want to be this small anymore.
I want to remember that I love without boundaries and that's okay.
I want to remember when I was most fulfilled and find my way back.
Because it was beautiful, the life I had, the way I loved, the way I gave.
And my life is still beautiful, I just need to get out of my own way.
I need to get back to honoring beauty.

Our life's work is to honor the beauty all around you.

I want to gain perspective. I want to remember simple joys, and find grace in challenging times. I need a more positive outlook. I want to remember that I am lucky and I want to find an ounce of gratitude for this life. The one full of beauty.

Our life's work is to honor the beauty all around you.

I want my memories to be filled with warmth. I want to be remembered as warm. I want to see the rare glimpse of a red sky. I want to embrace the view from the lake. I want to remember who I am...I want to find simple gorgeous beauty.

Our life's work is to honor the beauty all around you.

I want to rewrite the story I have been told and the one I have been telling myself.
I actually want to be free of my past. My mistakes, my pain. I do not want to forget it, I do not want to burry it, I know I needed it to be who I became.
I just want to be free of it and see the beauty all around me.

Our life's work is to honor the beauty all around you.

I want to trust my intuition of the lives I've lived before this.
I want to trust myself again, even the dark parts of myself that know better. I have already seen the shadows of my mind. I have already dove deep into who I was and now need to navigate who I am, who I want to be. I want to honor the beauty that is change, growth, and new found love.

Our life's work is to honor the beauty all around you.

To the beauty all around us, I come to you on bended knee. I lay down before you with grace, with love in my heart. I will not spend this year taking notice of you, I have already done that. I will spend it honoring you. I do not need to seek you for you are all around.

I humbly honor you.

Our life's work is to honor the beauty all around you.

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