4
Feb

Five Minute Friday - waste

Every Friday we unite for five minutes. Only five minutes, that's all we get, that's all we have. And then, right where we are, no edits or second thoughts, we publish those words. This week, we write on waste.

I realized that my resentment, anger, and frustration were a waste.
I realized that I was wasting my time and my energy.
I realized it was all a waste and holy hell was it heavy.
And so, I needed to find ways to let it go.
I couldn't let all of it go, but the big pieces that were weighing me down.

I realized that reliving, rethinking, and redoing my past was a waste.
I realized that I was living in a place I was no longer standing in.
I was living there and I needed to move on.
Regardless of where everyone else decided to stand, I needed to go.

I realized that worrying about my future was a waste.
I was planning out pieces in my mind like a game of chess but the game was my life and it was exhausting.
What a waste.
There is something to be said about making sure you are ready for unknowns, but the amount of time I put into the "what ifs" was a huge waste.
And so, I worked on finding a way to stand still.

And yes, it was actual work for me.
To not always be thinking in one direction or the other, just stand still.
Not all of the time but a little each day.
And because I had you to watch grow, that made it a little easier.
You were my constant anchor because I wanted to remember your moments.
I wanted to be the keeper of your memories.
And I found that I started to notice things more.
Like the change in seasons in my little town.
Like how silence is an actual sound in winter.
Like how the trees shed their beauty to be able to hold the weight of winter and that in and of itself because gorgeous.
Like how my home is my safety and how lucky I am to have that.
Like how your cheeks get round when you're happy and warm.
Like how you need to tell me everything the minute you walk in the door.

I worked on not wasting my time.
Because that would be a regret.
We cannot forget we are on borrowed time and who are we to waste it?

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