29
Apr

Five Minute Friday - almost

Every Friday we unite for five minutes. Only five minutes, that's all we get, that's all we have. And then, right where we are, no edits or second thoughts, we publish those words. This week, we write on almost.

I almost lost myself there, just for one short minute.
I almost forgot who I was.
I almost forgot what I was about.
And then I was reminded.

I almost forgot what it was like, to hear myself laugh.
I almost forgot how much I liked that sound.
I almost forgot that I have a big laugh.
Almost, just for one short minute.
And then I was reminded.

I almost forgot, what my life is about.
I almost forgot about you all.
I almost forgot that I matter to you and you matter to me.
Almost, just for one short minute.
And then I was reminded.

I almost forgot that I matter.
I almost forgot why and how I do.
I almost forgot myself there.
Almost, just for one short minute.
And then I was reminded.

I almost forgot that I'm a good friend.
I almost forgot that it's my superpower.
Almost, just for one short minute.
And then I was reminded.

I almost forgot, who I was, who I am.
Almost, just for one short minute.
And then I was reminded.

24
Apr

Five Minute Friday - lonely

Every Friday we unite for five minutes. Only five minutes, that's all we get, that's all we have. And then, right where we are, no edits or second thoughts, we publish those words. This week, we write on lonely.

It's easy to see that I was seeking family. All of my days were consumed with it.
And when I didn't feel whole, or a part of something.
It's easy to see that I always felt something, someone was missing.

It's easy to see, I am there now. I am seeking.
I am looking to be more complete and find my love of laughter again.
It's easy to see that I am seeking to find me again.

It's easy to see that this is a constant in my life. Seeking, searching, wanting.
Family. Framily. Closeness. Connection. Balance. Joy. Love.
It's easy to see that I want what I never felt I had.

It's easy to see that I need to say the words out loud.
I am seeking you. I am searching for you. I am missing you, and us.
It's easy to see that I am missing us.

It's easy to see that I am feeling lonely.
I am trying to fill in where the parts hurt but I am lonely.
It's easy to see that I am hurting.

It's easy to see that I am missing myself.
I no longer know which parts of me I love, which parts I want to hide, which part I want to present.
It's easy to see I am also feeling quite lost.

14
Apr

The Storm

When I'm in the middle of a storm, I feel the clouds getting darker and heavier with rain.
I can sense the wind picking up and garbage being flung around.
And all I have to count on is my reaction.
I can either get swept away or find stillness.
I get to pick.

I can try to find beauty in the storm, or even better, honor the beauty of the storm.
None of which should not be hard for me, a lover of rain and gray and storm clouds.

I can remember how much I love to watch a storm because it makes me feel like I'm allowed to hibernate.
I love to watch from my windows with something warm in my hands.
I love to feel protected in my house and snuggled as the storm rages on.
I love a quiet dog on my feet, snoring from the quiet day.
I love the protection I get from the walls of my home and I love the lazy day ahead of me.
I can choose to honor the beauty that the storm brings.

I can put on warmer clothes. I can sit on my couch. I can find that book. I can listen to the rain on my rooftop. I can have a fire lit, I can find a warmer blanket. I can write. I can work. I can be okay.

I'm there now.
I'm watching the clouds roll in and at first, I panicked. I became the little kid in my basement, scared, worried.
I threw a temper tantrum because I thought my roof was going to blow right off of my house.
I thought my foundation would crumble and the water would swallow us up.
But then I remembered, I love this weather.
I am okay and most importantly, there is nothing to be scared of.
I have already seen the worst the weather can bring and my house is always still standing.
The next day, I am still here.
I just need to protect myself from the strong winds and I know how to do that.
I have built a home strong enough to brace itself.
I'm okay.

I need to use my time wisely and embrace the hibernation.
I need to allow the rain to fall and fall hard and wash away.
I need to remember that the storm has power, but I'm going to pick honoring its beauty.

14
Apr

Five Minute Friday - limit

Every Friday we unite for five minutes. Only five minutes, that's all we get, that's all we have. And then, right where we are, no edits or second thoughts, we publish those words. This week, we write on limit.

I reached my limit and left your home.
I set off on my own, ready to take this world on.
I had been planning and planning for so so long.
I knew what I was doing.
I was prepared.
I was ready.
I was scared as hell.
But when limits are reached, something somewhere else propels you, decides for you, and off I went.

I reached my limit and said goodbye.
We had been hurting each other more than building.
I missed you, I cried for you.
I thought of you so so often.
I knew I made the right decision, but I couldn't shake you or us.
I felt you everywhere I went. I was consumed.
But when limits are reached, something somewhere else propels you, decides for you, and off I went.

I reached my limit and left my career.
The one that raised me.
The one I loved down to my toes until I didn't.
The one that defined me, until it was too unhealthy to keep going.
The one that built me, and made me feel whole until I was missing.
I cried for us.
I couldn't believe I was considering this.
I was scared.
I was worried.
I was getting sick staying so I left.
Because when limits are reached, something somewhere else propels you, decides for you, and off I went.

I reached my limit, our limit, and said goodbye.
I didn't realize it was building but you did.
I didn't realize it was needed, but you did.
I was and am lost and devastated.
I had to learn to pick myself up, off of the floor.
I had to learn to start again, without us.
Because when limits are reached, something somewhere else propels you, decides for you, and off I went.

7
Apr

To our Queen

To our Queen at 15...we honor your beauty.

We celebrated you, your way.
We hit up your must-sees.
We took pictures...I took too many.
We laughed, we hugged.
We gave you a gift that made you cry...you ran into our arms and cried.

I listened to someone call you a copy and paste of me...and I cried.
We went out to dinner.
We took our 6:44 picture...our minute.
We did you up.

Because my darling 15-year-old, you have grown into an actual Queen.
Not the kind that Nonno talked about...but an actual Queen.
One that is in charge of her life.
One that knows herself.
One that believes in herself.
One that knows her worth.
You know your worth my girl...never ever ever lose sight of that.
You are worth gold...you are a shining bright diamond and you know it.
And I have a front-row seat and applauding like a crazy woman.

You are a Queen, an actual Queen.
You take up space.
You find others that build you up.
You don't waste time on those that don't.
You walk with your head held high.
You walk with purpose.
You work for what you want.
You are playful...still young at heart.
You are a Queen.

Each year I have watched you become.
More confident.
More loving.
More talkative.
More in tune.
More aware.
More in love with your life.
More appreciative.
More proud.
I am so honored to be a part of your life.
I am so honored to watch your gorgeous life unfold.

Each year I have watched you become.
Stronger.
Softer and harder.
An amazing friend.
A wonderful daughter.
A great person.
I am so honored to be a part of your life.
I am so honored to watch your gorgeous life unfold.

I am honored to be your mother.
To our Queen at 15...we honor your beauty.

Never forget where you came from, where you are, or where you're going.
To our Queen at 15...we honor your beauty.

We carry your heart.
To our Queen at 15...we honor your beauty.


6
Apr

Five Minute Friday - complicate

Every Friday we unite for five minutes. Only five minutes, that's all we get, that's all we have. And then, right where we are, no edits or second thoughts, we publish those words. This week, we write on complicate.

Go.

I'm the Queen of complicating things.
How to get from point A to point B, I'll take you through all the letters of the alphabet.
How to deliver a sentence or a thought, I'll walk you through all of my thoughts. Every single one I have had since I was born.
How to navigate a situation, let me walk you to Guam and back and I'll get there.
I'm the Queen of complicating things.

That's why I need to get back to basics.
I need to remember that nothing has to be as complicated as I make it.
I need to remember that I can keep things a little more simple.
And I can take a breath.

And so I will.
I will lean into the simple moments of parenting.
I will keep my home, my business, my mind, simple.
I will have simple dreams.
I will move about simply.
I will keep simple routines.

And I will take a breath.

Stop.



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