Childhoodtake2!

Every Friday we unite for five minutes. Only five minutes, that's all we get, that's all we have. And then, right where we are, no edits or second thoughts, we publish those words. This week, we write on void.

I wish I could say I didn't feel the void when you left.
I wish I could say I didn't need to pick myself off the floor.
I wish I could say I realized that it was what was best, for now, for always, for this moment, till the end of time, whatever the timeframe.
I wish I could.

Instead, the void was deep, dark, vast.
The void was there, all day every single day.
The void was heavy, a black hole, terrible.

And as I continue to plunge forward, as I continue to put one foot in front of the other, I continue to breathe through it all.
The void has taught me I'm still a survivor.
It taught me I can carry heavy things.
It taught me I can learn, I can reach, I can continue to learn about myself, my needs, my lines in the sand and the ones I won't cross.

Just when I thought I could put down hard things.
Just when I thought I found out who I am, who I want to be with,
the void made me pick it back up, and change.

Every Friday we unite for five minutes. Only five minutes, that's all we get, that's all we have. And then, right where we are, no edits or second thoughts, we publish those words. This week, we write on toward.

The sun.
My future.
Light.
Calm.
More fun.
Joy.
My smile.
My laughter.
Me.
Life.
Toward a life worth living.

Us.
Her/him/them.
Pearl.
Movement.
Whimsy.
Life.
Toward a life worth living.

Books.
Hobbies that bring calm.
Hugs.
Smooches.
Holding hands.
Snuggles that bring warmth.
Life.
Toward a life worth living.

My career.
My life outside of it.
My life.
A life.
Life.
Toward a life worth living.

Friends.
Friendships.
Relationships.
Love.
Full hearts.
Life.
My life.
Toward a life worth living.

But I don’t think of the future, or the past, I feast on the moment. This is the secret of happiness, but only reached now in middle age. –VIRGINIA WOOLF

I was recently walking and listening to a podcast.
One built on happiness.
One built on happiness - how science defines it - and what the studies have shown.
And here is the secret that's not really a secret at all.

Happiness is three-fold.
1. Whimsical fun. Doing things that bring you joy and that you enjoy doing.
2. Deep social connections. People that bring you warmth and comfort.
3. Inner peace. Simplicity. No longer worrying about the past or future. But finding the simple slow joy out of the moment right before you.

If you look at all three, it makes all the sense in the world!
Do things that make you happy.
Be with people that make you happy.
Be in a moment that makes you happy.

But, here's the thing lovies.
When you are in the middle of life.
Raising kids, working on a career, building a business, building a home, being a spouse/partner/friend/parent/person...these are the things that tend to slip away.

And the happiness that fills in the creases and crevasses are pure gold, but they do not fall into these buckets.

And then, you hit middle age.
And your kids are people that have their own lives.
And your body is yours again.
And your spouse is yours again.
And the career settles.
And the home settles.
And your life settles.
And you have time to think about your happiness.
And you realize, these are the three things you need right now.

Because a baby laughing is no longer your norm.
Because a toddler trying to say a tricky word is no longer your reality.
Because arms reaching for you are no longer there.
Because, it's time to focus more on you.

And that is where I now stand.
I am ready to focus on myself and do what I need to be happier.

I want to focus on things that bring me joy, make me laugh, make me feel happy.
I want to surround myself with people that mean a lot to me, again.
I want to get back to simple, I want to sit in this moment in time.
I want things to look forward to.
I want things to look back on with fondness.
I want to be a happier person.

I want to live again.
I want to love again.
I want to laugh again.
I want to breathe freely again.
I want to rest again.
I want breaks again.
I want to find the slow and steady of life...again.
I am ready for middle age goals.

Every Friday we unite for five minutes. Only five minutes, that's all we get, that's all we have. And then, right where we are, no edits or second thoughts, we publish those words. This week, we write on unexpected.

When I met you, it was unexpected.
When I fell in love with you, it was unexpected.
When I fell hard, it was really unexpected.

When we decided to have babies, it was unexpected, of me.
When I got sick, it was so unexpected.
When my dad got sick, it was unexpected.
When we lost friends, it was unexpected.
When we lost each other, it was unexpected.

When I ran an agency, it was unexpected.
When I outgrew the place that raised me, that was unexpected.
When I started my own thing, that was unexpected.

When I watched my babies grow up, that was unexpectedly joyful.
When I watched my dad die, that was unexpectedly painful and healing.
When I met my second puppy, that was unexpectedly healing and loving.

The most beautiful, healing, painful, courageous, awful, and wonderful parts of life
they are all unexpected.