Childhoodtake2!

Hello, sweet angel.
Hello, my sixteen-year-old angel.
Hello, my baby girl.
Hello, Bella.

It's 8:18pm the night before you turn 16.
I was already at the hospital by now, just a couple of hours into our long day together.
And I just wanted you to know that I do a lot of poking and making fun of you for all we went through that day, but at the end of the day sweetie, we made it.
You and I were strong enough to make it, and that's what we've done ever since.

I have watched you, Bell.
I have watched and lingered in your growing up.
I have taken my seat in the front row and I have watched you.
Although it all does go by so so fast, I have really watched this happen in front of my eyes.

And as difficult as our foggy years were, I didn't allow the fog to cloud my sight of you.
I always had eyes on you.
I never ever blinked, sweetie, I knew not to.
I am the keeper of all your memories, sweet girl of mine.
All 16 of them.

From the baby we brought home.
The one we laid on the ground in her new nursery and introduced to Mia Lily.
To the toddler who learned to crawl and walk really late because dammit, I will do it all on my own time guys!
To the laughter that filled our home and I couldn't get enough of.
To the little sweet girl who finally let go of our hand and started off into this world
You would ask at every turn, are you proud of me Mamma?
You were so concerned.
Never ever wonder, baby girl.
I am always and forever proud.

As you continued with your life, you told others how proud you were of me.
And I will always and forever make sure you are.

And now, tomorrow, this 16-year-old, this person ready to drive, and ready to keep going, I will continue to let go of her hand. I will continue to follow her lead. I will continue to find my place, right in the front row.

To the one who still loves loves loves to read.
The one who adores her puppies.
The one who is obsessed with Taylor Swift.
The one who laughs hard with friends.
The one who makes me laugh.
The one who comes home and spills the details of her day.
The one who loves to watch shows with me.
The one who 16 years ago, made her own way into the world...again, at her own damn time. In her own damn way. When she was good and ready.

Tomorrow, you asked if you could bake your own cake...you love to bake.
You asked if you could spend the day watching rom-coms - of course.
You asked if we could all get dressed up and go out to dinner - absolutely.
You get this incredible day - your incredible day.
Because you are incredible.

You have incredible grit.
You are incredibly stubborn.
You are incredibly smart.
You are incredibly gorgeous.
You are incredible.

Happy birthday, sweet Anna James.
Happy sweet 16 to our first.
Happy 16 years of living this life you love.

Every Friday we unite for five minutes. Only five minutes, that's all we get, that's all we have. And then, right where we are, no edits or second thoughts, we publish those words. This week, we write on persude.

I was never good at persuasion.
I was never and still am not good at making my case and persuading someone to my side.
I think it's because I become too emotional when I am speaking my mind, and I can't make my point.
I'm not succinct and rational.
I'm not clear.

I get too wrapped up in the emotion of the moment.
I get too wrapped up in the feeling and how strongly I feel about it.
As per usual, I become too much.

I was reminded last week that I can take my big emotions, work on containing them in a way that isn't so loud, explosive, or angry.
I can work on containment and still respect the feeling, I can still acknowledge it, and give it the light it needs, but not add fuel to that fire.

And maybe, with that, I can work on sharing my feelings on a topic.
I can work on talking through the argument.
I can see if I can work on the art of persuasion.