19
Nov

Five Minute Friday - laugh

Every Friday we unite for five minutes. Only five minutes, that's all we get, that's all we have. And then, right where we are, no edits or second-thoughts, we publish those words. This week, we write on laugh.

Go.

It starts from the belly.
Sometimes it's so hard that there are tears of actual joy!
Most times, I cannot breathe and it knocks the wind and sound out of me.
Most times, I end up unable to talk for quite some time.
Most times, I cannot finish a story, the breath won't allow it to come out.

The first time you laughed so hard you cried, you were actually worried.
It made me ecstatic.
When you tell a really funny joke and I cannot contain myself, your laughter makes the room lighter.
And then, immediately, as if to clarify..."see, I'm funny"...
I do the same thing. Since I'm the one always laughing, whenever I do make a funny and make someone else laugh, I'm just so proud of myself..."see, I am funny!"...

This past year, I've lost my laugh, but you haven't.
You've watched me and you've continuously asked if I'm okay and what I need.
You've spent some time apologizing for things that were not your fault, and you found ways to make me laugh.
Not your job, but you would feel so good when I did.

You come home and immediately come and tell me all about the funny parts of your day.
Your smart-ass friends, with their smart-ass comments.
Your smart-ass come backs, and how much they make you laugh.
Have I told you how much I love all of this?
The fact that you have it, the fact that you share it, the fact that I'm still a part of your life, the fact that you love to tell me, the fact that it exists.

See love, it's easy for me to laugh. It really is actual medicine.
It really is a way to heal, to feel connected again.
And we're so lucky to have so many people that make us laugh in this little world of ours.

Dad with is dad jokes...aunts/uncles/cousins/friends/framily.
Laugh till it stops hurting baby girl and then laugh till it does.

Stop.

13
Nov

Five Minute Friday - extreme

Every Friday we unite for five minutes. Only five minutes, that's all we get, that's all we have. And then, right where we are, no edits or second-thoughts, we publish those words. This week, we write on extreme.

Go.

I live in extremes.
Sometimes, most times, they are polar opposites.
I love hard or I don't.
I long for quiet and worry about you leaving.
I work hard and sleep harder.
I live in extremes.

I cry with every emotion...happiness, anger, nervousness, laughter, love, and sadness...I always cry.
I laugh too hard.
I get too angry.
I love too hard.
I am loud or quiet.
I am introverted but need need need my people.
I live in extremes.

I miss too much.
I burn things to the ground.
I drink coffee all of the time.
I work out to exhaustion.
I work my fingers to the bone.
I live in extremes.

Absolute extremes.
And I love it.
And I don't.

Stop.

28
Oct

Five Minute Friday - while

Every Friday we unite for five minutes. Only five minutes, that's all we get, that's all we have. And then, right where we are, no edits or second-thoughts, we publish those words. This week, we write on while.

Go.

In a little while
this hurt will hurt no more
I'll be home, love

When you were first born, we turned this song on and your dad danced with you.
When we brought you home, he turned it on again and held you as he danced around our family room.
As the tears streamed down my face, I felt like I was watching your whole world flash by my eyes, even though you were days old.
But, days turn into months, years, and before we know it, a lifetime.

In a little while
this hurt will hurt no more
I'll be home, love

The words still ring in my ears and immediately this memory still hits me.
But recently, they mean something different.
I have been in a sad fog.
And I have not been around, fully.
But I feel myself coming home.
I feel it lifting and coming back home to you all.

In a little while
this hurt will hurt no more
I'll be home, love

Losing those that you thought mattered is hard.
It's painful.
It's a pain you cannot put into words.
And the rollercoaster is real.
The anger, the numbness, the tears, it's all so real and you feel it all.
Sometimes you're feeling it all at the same time, sometimes separate, it's a mess.
Loss is a messy.

In a little while
this hurt will hurt no more
I'll be home, love

Leaving the pain and sadness is something you can actually feel happening.
There are fewer tears.
There are fewer bouts of rage.
The sound of your name doesn't hit me as hard.
I don't feel your weight anymore.

You laugh a little more.
You see reasons to laugh again.
You remember joy.
You find people, other people.
You move on in some way.

But in a little while, I'll be home, love.
I'm on my way home love, in a little while.

Stop.

9
Oct

Five Minute Friday - become

Every Friday we unite for five minutes. Only five minutes, that's all we get, that's all we have. And then, right where we are, no edits or second-thoughts, we publish those words. This week, we write on become.

Go.

Happy.
Content.
Free of constant worry.
Healed.
Less angry.
Balanced.
Healthy.
A strong example.
A good mother.
A bride you can rely on.
The example of love.
The keeper of memories.
The light you need in the dark.
The comfort you, and I, seek.
Loving.
Caring.
In love with my life.
Less tired.
A smile in the room.
Cozier.
Inspired.
Slower.
A person who lives her life with intention.
The maker and keeper of traditions.
An adult that understands and moves through grief and loss.
More and less.
Better and worse.
Who you think I am.
Who I think I am.
Who I know I am.

To become all of me.

24
Sep

Five Minute Friday - represent

Every Friday we unite for five minutes. Only five minutes, that's all we get, that's all we have. And then, right where we are, no edits or second-thoughts, we publish those words. This week, we write on represent.

Go.

It started last spring. I asked you to join me at the gym and you were so reluctant. You walked in and out that day crying, begging to go home.
I asked you to keep going, keep trying, keep showing up. Show up for you. Represent who you are.

And then, one day, it happened. You got it. The community swalled you up. The women started showing up for you and representing strength. The coaches started to represent what can be done in that room. And you started to step up too. You started to see the challenge. You are not obessed, but you're starting to see it's power.

And now, we challenge each other. I catch you sometimes taking a peak over at me and I represent the reality of that room. And for me, the reality is, I do not look perfect doing a single thing. I am not the strongest or most flexible. I'm not fast and I'm not impressive. But I'm trying and I'm trying hard. And I'm going to represent what a mom can do. How hard that room is but that's okay. Hard is okay. Failing is totally fine and I fail and fail again. And that's a part of it. Sometimes you fail forward. Sometimes it makes you take 13 steps back. But I want to represent what we are made of and that is trying and not giving up. Not on us. Not on our insides.

Sweet girl, you talk about being a mom one day, how much you are looking forward to it. And if you decide to move forward with motherhood, I hope you know that I tried very hard to represent motherhood and the strength/love/courage/hope/heart of a mother. I show up for all of us, but I also show up for me. Because even though I became a mom, I'm still here, inside here. Even though you are my priority, you cannot be it all for me. I do not want to not know who I am without you. So I will represent all of me and I want you to do the same.

Stop.

4
Sep

Five Minute Friday - Root

Every Friday we unite for five minutes. Only five minutes, that's all we get, that's all we have. And then, right where we are, no edits or second-thoughts, we publish those words. This week, we write on root.

Go.

There is something I have worked on giving you, and that's roots.
Roots in this home, roots in our family dance, roots in how we flow through this life.
Roots to come back to, roots to feel safe in, roots that feel like us.
Roots that provide comfort, roots that provide care, roots that provide ease.
Roots that you know deeply, roots that you recognize, roots that feel right to us.

I fully realize that one day, you need to plant yourself somewhere else.
I know you need to go and be.
But I will be right here when you need to feel reminded of how simple it can be to just come home.
I will water your dried and tired roots, because you water mine now.
I will feed you and give you the air you need to breathe again because you fill my lungs full.

I never realized until I met you how important this life full of flowers would be to me.
I never realized how much I needed this traditional life and how full I would be from it.
I never realized how mothering you needed to be a part of my story and part of my purpose.
I never realized how much I needed to be rooted in our home, our family, our love and grace.

I love you my littles, I will protect your roots until you are ready to take care of your own wonderful pot of soil.

Stop.

27
Aug

Five Minute Friday - show

Every Friday we unite for five minutes. Only five minutes, that's all we get, that's all we have. And then, right where we are, no edits or second-thoughts, we publish those words. This week, we write on show.

Go.

How do I show you I love you?
Is it through a tradition?
The ones that the first time we do them fill me with something so full, so wonderful, so magical that I could not imagine my life without them?
Is it the number of hugs?
The ones that we hold on a little too long, the ones that I smell your air and
Is it the smooches?
The ones that I can't help but pile on? You're so damn smoochy!
Is it our little sayings?
The ones that I started the very first day you were born? The ones that spilled out of my mouth so naturally and stayed with us forever?
Is it our time together?
Our walks, our night-time snuggles, the shows we love to watch together, our reading dates?
Is it this blog?
The one that has captured motherhood and childhood all in one?
Is it the framily we have shared together?
The feeling of being complete with our people?
Is it how honest we can be together?
How much we can cry, laugh, talk, tell?

How do I show you I love you?
Let me count the ways.

How do you show me you love me right back?
Is it through a tradition?
The ones that you love as much as I do and insist on?
Is it the number of hugs?
The ones that you melt into me with?
Is it the smooches?
The ones that you laugh at me giving?
Is it our little sayings?
The ones that you know so well you whisper them to me from your dreams?
Is it our time together?
Our walks, our night-time snuggles, the shows we love to watch together, our reading dates?
Is it this blog?
The one that you'll read and cry at, the one that you'll have forever as a memory?
Is it the framily we have shared together?
The feeling of knowing we have found our home?
Is it how honest we can be together?
How much you open up to me, tell me what is on your mind, but also protect?

How do you show your love my littles?
Let me count the ways.

Stop.

12
Aug

Five Minute Friday - forget

Every Friday we unite for five minutes. Only five minutes, that's all we get, that's all we have. And then, right where we are, no edits or second-thoughts, we publish those words. This week, we write on forget.

Go.

I have a tendency not to forget...anything.
Not a conversation, or a word, or a feeling, or a dream.
I remember.

I remember the details.
Like who was wearing what.
Who was standing where.
I remember.

I remember memories.
Like every second of the entire day you were born.
Or every moment of every part of your life.
Or how it felt to rock and hold you.
I remember.

I am the keeper of your memories.
The one that knows your past.
I am the one you can count on for the stories.
I am the one you can turn to for the "tell me again about the time".

Because I remember it all.

Stop.

5
Aug

Five Minute Friday - together

Every Friday we unite for five minutes. Only five minutes, that's all we get, that's all we have. And then, right where we are, no edits or second-thoughts, we publish those words. This week, we write on together.

Go.

Together is one of my favorite places to be.

One whole week a year.
I get to snuggle into my second family, and we are finally exactly where we are supposed to be.
We are together.

This year is a little more special.
This past year has brought on quite a bit of loss and I am feeling a pull towards you like you would not believe.
I am feeling a need to be right by your side.
I need to feel your warmth and laughter.
I need to hear him laugh.
I need to be hugged by your husband.
I need to tell your kids how much I love them right to their face.

Together is one of my favorite places to be.

It's the one week a year both of our husbands fall in love with our joy again.
Because we bring about a joy in each other don't we.

Together, my sweet loving friend, we created something pretty special.
We created 8 people that need each other.
Love on each other.
Love to be near each other.
Love to laugh together.
Love to play together.
Love one another.
Our love is so damn strong that even our dogs are besties.

Together is one of my favorite places to be.

I promise to soak you in.
I promise to soak in the sound of the water, the warmth of the sun, and the food.
I promise to walk with you at night.
I promise to have coffee with you in the morning.
I promise to take that first sip of magical bloody mary and praise my husband with you.

Together is one of my favorite places to be.
Because, together, my sweet loving friend, we created something pretty special.

30
Jul

Five Minute Friday - be

Every Friday we unite for five minutes. Only five minutes, that's all we get, that's all we have. And then, right where we are, no edits or second-thoughts, we publish those words. This week, we write on be.

Go.

To be...me.
To be neurotic.
To be mindful.
To be purposeful.
To be nervous.
To be aware.
To be gritty.
To be hard.
To be soft.
To be...me.

To be a mom.
To be a good mom.
To be a dog mom.
To be protective of childhood.
To be present in the little.
To be mindful and aware of how little time we have.
To be the keeper of all of your memories.
To be the creator of traditions.
To be a mom.

To be a writer of thoughts.
To be careful of my words.
To be careless with how my fingers flow.
To be conscious of the healing power.
To be accepting when the thoughts and words do not come.
To be a writer of thoughts.

To be your bride.
To be a caring and loving bride.
To be in awe and take you in.
To be good to you the way you need and want.
To be supportive.
To be understanding.
To be good at loving you.
To be your bride.

To be a woman that moves...a lot.
To be a runner.
To be a lover of walks.
To be respectful of my body.
To be aware of my limitations and be aware of when I can fight through.
To be able to focus on strength.
To the fight I take on to tackle my insecurities.
To the quieting I have to do with the voice that tells me I look off.
To be a woman that moves...a lot.

To be...me.

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