3
Oct

Five minute Friday - need

Every Friday we unite for five minutes. Only five minutes, that's all we get, that's all we have. And then, right where we are, no edits or second thoughts, we publish those words. This week, we write on need.

Go.

Quiet.

Sometimes, all I really need is quiet. I make my life way too loud and I need quiet, especially right now.

Order.

Things in life are so hectic. Spending so much time together for so long was wonderful and also very messy and piles of stuff everywhere and it's time to get back to order.

Reading dates.

They bring us closer together, make us feel warm and cozy, bring in our love of reading and sharing that.

Baths.

It's getting much cooler in NY and sometimes I can't get the chill to go away. Sinking into the warmest bath is so lovely and relaxing, it's a need.

Laughter.

Things feel heavy right now and there is a need for laughter to make them all better and find a lighter side.

Love.

All I need is you.

Stop.

31
Jul

Five Minute Friday - drive

Every Friday we unite for five minutes. Only five minutes, that's all we get, that's all we have. And then, right where we are, no edits or second thoughts, we publish those words. This week, we write on drive.

Go.

For as long as I can remember, I had a strong drive. I'm gritty, scrappy, I'm determined, I'm stubborn as hell, I'm self-motivated and I'm focused. I have goals, I have a vision, I see my end game, I work hard...damn hard, I have drive.

I have so much drive that at times, it's concerning and too much. I don't drop balls and when things get overwhelming, I take MORE on...I do more. I plan more. I schedule more. I have drive.

It took me YEARS no, DECADES to understand that this is a me thing. A me and other self-motivated, internally driven people thing. This is not universal. It took me even longer to accept that, learn from those that are slower, kinder, calmer. It took me even longer to realize that this is why I am always and forever attracted to my balance. I look for and ache for those that are not like me. I am hungry for those that make me slow down a bit, calm the hell down a bit. Put that drive in park for a beat and take it a little easy.

And I cannot say that I am a good balance for my balance. I cannot say that I make them better people like they make me better, but I can say that they too find me, they keep me. So maybe they too need a little of my drive. Even if it's for a reminder of what they do not want their life and goals to be?

I have drive, I am driven, I am determined. I am stubborn as hell, I have grit, and I'm scrappy. I don't give up and I do not quit. People like this, we get shit done...no joke get it done. But this is why we also surround ourselves with balance.

And so I found the loves of my life that will put a book in my hand and beg me for a reading date. I have babies that ask for a walk instead of a run today. I have a puppy that wants to be snuggled with me. I have always loved a nap and always and forever will. I married calmer and made him a little more driven. I have framily that is kind and forgiving. I have accepted how different we all are and I have realized how much I need those help me find the parking brake.

Stop.

24
Jul

Five Minute Friday - Order

Every Friday we unite for five minutes. Only five minutes, that's all we get, that's all we have. And then, right where we are, no edits or second thoughts, we publish those words. This week, we write on order.

Go.

There's a peace to order isn't there? There's a balance and a calm. At least for this highly scheduled, regulated, tasked, desperate for order and calm mama. There's a beautiful peace with it.

So what happens when that mama marries messy? What happens when kids are introduced and your pre-teen keeps reminding you that it's her room, not yours. So, I can keep it how I want it, not you. What happens when all over her home there are piles. Just piles that "I'm going to take care of". Piles that need homes, piles that need to be moved out. Piles on top of piles.

This mama panics and goes nuts. She loses all energy and can't function. She shuts down.

Order is how I manage, it's how I cope and function. It's how I move through life.

But, I've also gotten really comfortable with legos all over my home. I actually love seeing them. I've gotten comfortable with the books that she has so many of that she can't find room. I actually love seeing those too. I've gotten comfortable with the toys that he loves, because little by little, his little is fading.

So, although the piles and the messy sinks and bathrooms and clothes all over make me itch and squirm, there's something loving about parts of the mess too.

One day very soon, I will have all the order I want back.

Stop.

17
Jul

Five Minute Friday - strong

Every Friday we unite for five minutes. Only five minutes, that's all we get, that's all we have. And then, right where we are, no edits or second thoughts, we publish those words. This week, we write on strong.

Go.

When I had you, I met an amazing photographer that put into words everything I wanted to teach you...#StrongIsTheNewPretty.

I feel that at times I can move mountains and other times, I feel like a mouse that hides away from bullies. I feel like I would push a bus out of the way for you, and I also feel like there is so little I can do. I feel like I push to prove that I am strong, I try to scream it from rooftops. But it is when I listen that I show you the strength we all carry.

Sweet Anna James, you too carry strength you don't know. It's right behind your fear. You have to trust me on this, it is right behind your fear. You can do hard things, you can push through a little bit of pain. You can do hard things. You do not need to be rescued, you can make your own way. You have all of it in you.

And when you feel like you need a break, come home and rest your bones. Come back to comfort and care. But not because you have to, but because you want a break. There will be times as a woman walking this earth, you will feel the weight of family, and responsibility, and home, and career, and babies, and friendships. But trust me, you will figure it out. Find family and framily and you will carry the weight. Fight through the fog of life and remember how gorgeous it really can be.

#StrongIsTheNewPretty my girl and you are stunning.

Stop.

11
Jul

Five Minute Friday - summer

Every Friday we unite for five minutes. Only five minutes, that's all we get, that's all we have. And then, right where we are, no edits or second thoughts, we publish those words. This week, we write on summer.

Go.

It's the epitome of childhood.

Long long days, warm nights.

A ton of ice cream. Ice cream all of the time.

Late nights.

Lots of TV. Movies on top of movies.

So much outside time. Walks with our puppy. Sitting out. So much swimming.

Vacations and so much time away. We decided to make this summer our summer of getaways.

A lot of books and so so many reading dates.

Legos on top of Legos. Legos all over the house. Legos in every corner.

So summer is your favorite season. Summer is your time to not have to do much. There are a lot of have tos. Summer is our time to unwind a little. Be bored a little.

I know how much you adore this. I know how much you love to wake up when you want to. I know how much you love your childhood. And my forever promise is to protect it. Protect and stand by it for as long as you let me.

Squeal, jump, run, play, fight like crazy siblings that make us beyond crazy.

Summer is all about your childhood and my second chance.

Stop.

26
Jun

Five Minute Friday - quiet

Every Friday we unite for five minutes. Only five minutes, that's all we get, that's all we have. And then, right where we are, no edits or second-thoughts, we publish those words. This week, we write on quiet.

Go.

The quiet is my favorite thing. It's my favorite place. I live in a very loud world. Two kids, always at each other's throats. A hubby that is very loud. A little boy that stomps instead of walks. A doggy that barks. Lots of meetings with lots and lots of talking. It's always very loud.

This summer, once again, every member of my family will be home. I adore our summers, I love and really wrap myself around their childhood. But damn, it is so loud all of the time.

So I really protect the quiet. I protect the time I get to sit and write. I protect the warm coffee and silence. I protect the time I get alone. I very much love the school year of sending them off and getting to be and think. I love my two days a week of no meetings, those are so so quiet. I love love love the quiet.

I will not be having a quiet little summer. It will be insanely busy. We will always be going. We are doing so much traveling, but that's okay too. It will be a summer of memories and time I will forever remember. There will be a lot of us time. A lot of the four of us all in one place and very little alone time. That's ok too. I know it won't always be like this and I also know how insanely privileged I am to be able to do any of the things we are doing. I realize that one day, the quiet might be too much...I say might and I mean might. So, I will love our summer of crazy and too much.

I will also very much love this fall. When both of my babies climb back on a bus. When my husband heads back to a classroom and the quiet settles in.

Stop.

11
Jun

Five Minute Friday - disagree

Every Friday we unite for five minutes. Only five minutes, that's all we get, that's all we have. And then, right where we are, no edits or second-thoughts, we publish those words. This week, we write on disagree.

Go.

It's been a couple years of disagreements hasn't it? It's been a lot of back and forth and not listening. And there was a definite line drawn in the sand of you're either on one side or the other.

I am 100% in this camp. History is happening, right here and now, and I will not be on the wrong side. I'm so unforgiving that I won't even listen. I don't care what the reasons are, we've been stuck here too long and it's a mess. The world is on actual fire because we can't agree on decent human rights. So, we disagree.

I spent my whole life disagreeing. I spent my whole life telling those who told me no, oh hell yes. I spent a lifetime proving what I thought was my worth.

Quite a few years ago, I thought I put my fighting gloves away. But it took a pandemic for me to realize I was still holding on to so much. And then it took more and more moments of intensity for me to realize there is a time and a place.

There are things I will not back down from, they include a community and life I want for all humans. There are things I will stand up for and I will be loud and disagree. But, believe it or not, I am backing away from others. I just don't have the time, energy, or space to care. They are no longer a priority. In some ways, this is wonderful. In others, I just get quiet and don't want to engage. I guess it's up to me to decide.

Stop.

22
May

Five Minute Friday - excuse

Every Friday we unite for five minutes. Only five minutes, that's all we get, that's all we have. And then, right where we are, no edits or second thoughts, we publish those words. This week, we write on excuse.

Go.

For so many years, I judged people that I thought made excuses for their lives. We all have the same 24 hours, it's up to us how we use them? How arrogant is that?

Somehow, learning more about me, what makes me tick, what keeps me going, why and how I do things, learning the strengths I have and the weaknesses they cause, helped me to see things from their side too. I realized that since I just go go go, I thought others were making excuses as to why they can't. But, that go go go leads me to break and that's not good either. When things get out of control, I pick up even more balls than I drop and I swear, I never realized there was another way. Until I did.

My husband isn't making excuses not to work out, he just didn't find a way to keep himself accountable and he needs that in order to move.

My kids aren't making excuses either, they just don't know what makes them tick yet.

I'm also done making excuses for me. I understand that although I need to grow and figure things out, I also have to accept big parts of me. Like I'm a doer. I'm an achiever. I'm always the person that will add to her plate, not take away. I'm also the girl that is all in...with her real relationships, with her work, with her mothering, with her workouts, I'm all in.

There are ways and reasons and whys and hows. There are things that make people go and things that make them stop. People feel so validated when they are seen, understood, no longer judged. They feel like the reason is meaningful. So I beg of you, learn about yourself. Dig in, really find out your why and how. Accept yourself and work on yourself. If something isn't good for your soul, find a better way. But, if it works and makes you feel right, stop making excuses for why and understand this is you. No more explanations, no more excuses.

Stop.

7
May

Five Minute Friday - SHE

Every Friday we unite for five minutes. Only five minutes, that's all we get, that's all we have. And then, right where we are, no edits or second thoughts, we publish those words. This week, we write on she.

Go.

At one point in time, she was determined to go at it alone.

She thought it was the only way, the only option.

She was tough, not strong, but tough.

Tough to get through to, tough to be around, tough to get close to.

Until she wasn't. Until she allowed the hard edges to soften, melt a little.

Until she threw down her fighting gloves and picked up her babies.

Until she was able to create a family around her she never knew she always wanted.

Until she couldn't help but let him in, he was so easy to love.

Until she couldn't help but say yes to a life he always knew was possible.

Until she and they created a home.

She's different, but still her. She still reverts back to old habits but is more aware of them now. She knows where and how it all started, she knows how she is triggered...she's trying.

She's trying to work through the old muck, she's trying to manage it all, she's trying to realize how heavy the past is, but also trying to forgive. She's trying to move past the mistakes, hers and theirs.

She's trying to remember that time and love fix so much.

She once believed she was tough enough to never need anyone, until she was strong enough to love.

Stop.

25
Apr

Five Minute Friday - broken

Every Friday we unite for five minutes. Only five minutes, that's all we get, that's all we have. And then, right where we are, no edits or second thoughts, we publish those words. This week, we write on broken.

Go.

I walked into a week of systems breaking down and my business being in some trouble because of it. I felt like I was going to end up broken too. I felt the pressure mounting and as soon as I came up with a solution, another problem arose and things just continued to break all around me.

And you want to know what I did...for one whole night, I did nothing. I watched TV (sitcoms no less) with a bestie. I ate ice cream on her couch and I laughed at a romantic comedy watching 2 people in love. I did nothing. I have never once, not even one time in my entire time on earth, done nothing. And holy hell, it worked.

The next day I got to work. I looked at what I had in place, I leaned on those that I adore, those I trust, I asked those that work for me to extend themselves. I created a plan, I thanked, I praised, I thanked and thanked even more. I organized, I stopped panicking, I communicated, I asked for patience, I asked for forgiveness, I got to work. I fixed it, even temporarily until our long term plan could work out, I fixed it. And later that night, I celebrated. As I drank my martini, I turned to my husband that made me the perfect drink, looked into his gorgeous eyes and said, I fixed it Coach. "I'm proud of you".

Typically, when things break, I break a little too. I did this time for sure. But I took a night to be (who knew that was a thing) to not think, and just be. The world didn't stop spinning, the clients didn't run away, I was really ok. That night, on my bestie's couch, eating her ice cream and falling back in love with the couple that gave me couple goals, well, that was the start of fixing my broken.

Stop.

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