15
Jun

Five Minute Friday - cover

Every Friday we unite for five minutes. Only five minutes, that's all we get, that's all we have. And then, right where we are, no edits or second thoughts, we publish those words. This week, we write on cover.

There are going to be moments in your life when you are desperate to put the covers back over your head, call it a day, even before the day starts.
There are going to be moments in your life when you can't wait to rip the covers off, and get up and go.
There are going to be moments in your life when you feel like you are constantly taking cover, protecting yourself from the shards of glass being thrown at you.
There are moments in life that you will feel like you are being held by a warm and comforting blanket.
There are so many moments in life, so many emotions that go into this life, the experience of living.

There are going to be moments in your life when you will feel like you have to cover your real emotions up.
There are going to be moments in your life when you will feel like you have to put on a pretty happy face, be the cover of the magazine, smile wide.
There will be moments in your life when you will cover up who you really are. Either out of protection or confusion. But find you again, look hard and don't stop searching.
There are so many moments in life, so many emotions that go into this life, the experience of living.

Take the peace and comfort a cover can provide.
Take the time you need to snuggle in.
When you are ready, rip them off.
Stretch wide and far.
One huge inhale and let it go.
Remember who you are, where you're headed.
Remember what it means to be you.
And step into the world.

2
Jun

Five Minute Friday - through

Every Friday we unite for five minutes. Only five minutes, that's all we get, that's all we have. And then, right where we are, no edits or second thoughts, we publish those words. This week, we write on through.

I wish I could say I was through with it all.
I wish I could tell you I'm myself now...not back to being myself (because I still don't know if I want to go back) but through this bullshit I'm feeling.
I wish I could say I was officially through it.

But instead, I'm still going through it.
And that's okay too.
I have to take this time and feel it all. Give me a really good look, really dive into me. Figure out my next steps, place, being.
I have to feel all the things I'm feeling.
Sad, emotional, alone, angered, broken, shameful, hurt, lucky, still in love, grateful.
All the emotions, kind of all at once.
I have to go through it all.

So I will.
It has been slow and painful.
It has been long and taken up too much head space.
But all of it is necessary.
In the process, I will slow down my breathing, my racing heart.
I will continue to step back, and honor beauty.
I will inhale and listen to myself exhale.
I will place a hand over my heart, I will hug a little deeper.
I will hug you, all of you.
I will demand smooches, ones that last for at least six seconds.
I will demand hugs too, ones that last for at least 20 seconds.
I will remember who I was, and I will think about who I want to be.
I will keep going through it all.

25
May

Five Minute Friday - nothing.

Every Friday we unite for five minutes. Only five minutes, that's all we get, that's all we have. And then, right where we are, no edits or second thoughts, we publish those words. This week, we write on nothing!

There is nothing you can do to make me love you more or less.

Good morning littles.
I wanted you to know this one very important fact about us.
Nothing.
There is nothing in this world you can do to make me love you more.
I already love you with everything that I have and am.
I already look at you like you are my moon and stars.
I already want to be you when I grow up.
There is nothing, nothing in this world that will change that.
You can become you and I will be right here, loving you.
So don't you ever worry about me and making me feel anything because all I feel is love.
You go, you do you. You have no pressure on this end to do this or that.
Because there is nothing you can do to make me love you more.

Nothing.
There is nothing in this world you can do to make me love you less.
There is nothing you can come home and tell me that would break that love.
There is nothing you can do to break us, we are solid. My love holds us steady so don't you worry for one second.
Nothing.
Nothing will ever change that. Nothing will dim it or cool it.
So don't you worry about ever telling me anything because nothing wipes this love away.
You have no pressure on this end to keep things buried.
Because all I will ever feel is love and more and more and more love.
Because there is nothing you can do to make me ever love you less.

Nothing.
There is nothing you can do to make me love you more or less.

19
May

Five Minute Friday - finally!

Every Friday we unite for five minutes. Only five minutes, that's all we get, that's all we have. And then, right where we are, no edits or second thoughts, we publish those words. This week, we write on finally!

I'm finally starting to dig into what is wrong.
I'm finally starting to look a little deeper.
I'm finally starting to find out why it hurt so much, more than just the obvious.
More than just I feel too much.
I'm finally wanting to find a different way and feel better.

I'm finally ready to start my long climb out of this.
I'm at least ready to start facing it.
And what it meant to me.

I'm ready to start putting some emotions around it.
More than sad, lonely, angry, hurt.
I'm ready to hear what work I have to do.

I'm finally ready to start thinking it through.
I'm finally ready to start wanting to be comfortable with me again.
I'm finally ready to start wanting to be comfortable in my skin again.
I'm finally ready to be okay with me.

I realize that the climb is long and difficult and there are going to be a ton of hurdles.
I'm finally ready to stand at the bottom and not feel crushed by how overwhelming it looks.
I'm finally ready to take a few steps in the right direction...up.

13
May

Five Minute Friday - Someday

Every Friday we unite for five minutes. Only five minutes, that's all we get, that's all we have. And then, right where we are, no edits or second thoughts, we publish those words. This week, we write on someday.

It will happen as soon as I turn my back.
The quiet that will fill our home.
It will happen that I will drop you, a piece of me, someone that came from me, someone that I felt forever connected to off.
Someday, you will walk away from this home and I will be so proud, so in awe.
Of your beauty, your grace, your mind, your attention, your love.
Someday my heart will break and rise at the same exact time.

Someday, I will look back on this life that I lead, the one I am in right now, and I will ache.
I will ache for the foursome I so deeply love.
I will ache for a family movie night.
I will ache for piles of us, all on top of each other.
I will ache to take another picture with you, of you, one from afar.
I will ache for us, someday.

Someday, I hope to return to who I once was, who I want to be again but am living in such deep fear and pain that I can't.
Someday, I hope to give less of a shit and let my heart shine again, let it out into the world again.
Someday, I hope to reclaim my voice, my strength, my heart.
Someday I hope to see and recognize myself again.

Someday I will set the world on fire with my love, just like I once did.
Someday, I will remind myself of who I am, what I'm made of, and why it matters.
Someday, when I look back, this will be a blip and I will see that the story of love was written.

5
May

Five Minute Friday - some

Every Friday we unite for five minutes. Only five minutes, that's all we get, that's all we have. And then, right where we are, no edits or second thoughts, we publish those words. This week, we write on some.

I took some time off. A lot of time actually.
I took some major steps away and back.
I crawled away and hid for quite some time.

I wanted to be alone, but then I felt very lonely.
I wanted to be without, and then I felt empty.
I wanted to be quiet, and then I felt unheard, unseen, and unwanted.
I crawled away and hid for quite some time.

I wanted to not hear any of the noise anymore, and it got really quiet.
I wanted to find out what I was made of, so I went away.
I wanted to hide away, and then I got really lost.
I crawled away and hid for quite some time.

I am working on me, and taking a lot of time to do so.
I am finding out who I am, what I want, what I want to keep, who I want to keep, so I am taking all the time that I need.
I am trying to let go of should haves, but my feelings are still hurt.
I crawled away and hid for quite some time.

I don't know when I will be back.
I don't know who will show up when I'm ready to come back.
I don't know what my heart will look like, I don't know what it will endure.
I don't know who I will allow in, who I will keep at arm's length.
I don't know.

I crawled away and hid for quite some time.
And when I reemerge, I want it to be different.



29
Apr

Five Minute Friday - almost

Every Friday we unite for five minutes. Only five minutes, that's all we get, that's all we have. And then, right where we are, no edits or second thoughts, we publish those words. This week, we write on almost.

I almost lost myself there, just for one short minute.
I almost forgot who I was.
I almost forgot what I was about.
And then I was reminded.

I almost forgot what it was like, to hear myself laugh.
I almost forgot how much I liked that sound.
I almost forgot that I have a big laugh.
Almost, just for one short minute.
And then I was reminded.

I almost forgot, what my life is about.
I almost forgot about you all.
I almost forgot that I matter to you and you matter to me.
Almost, just for one short minute.
And then I was reminded.

I almost forgot that I matter.
I almost forgot why and how I do.
I almost forgot myself there.
Almost, just for one short minute.
And then I was reminded.

I almost forgot that I'm a good friend.
I almost forgot that it's my superpower.
Almost, just for one short minute.
And then I was reminded.

I almost forgot, who I was, who I am.
Almost, just for one short minute.
And then I was reminded.

24
Apr

Five Minute Friday - lonely

Every Friday we unite for five minutes. Only five minutes, that's all we get, that's all we have. And then, right where we are, no edits or second thoughts, we publish those words. This week, we write on lonely.

It's easy to see that I was seeking family. All of my days were consumed with it.
And when I didn't feel whole, or a part of something.
It's easy to see that I always felt something, someone was missing.

It's easy to see, I am there now. I am seeking.
I am looking to be more complete and find my love of laughter again.
It's easy to see that I am seeking to find me again.

It's easy to see that this is a constant in my life. Seeking, searching, wanting.
Family. Framily. Closeness. Connection. Balance. Joy. Love.
It's easy to see that I want what I never felt I had.

It's easy to see that I need to say the words out loud.
I am seeking you. I am searching for you. I am missing you, and us.
It's easy to see that I am missing us.

It's easy to see that I am feeling lonely.
I am trying to fill in where the parts hurt but I am lonely.
It's easy to see that I am hurting.

It's easy to see that I am missing myself.
I no longer know which parts of me I love, which parts I want to hide, which part I want to present.
It's easy to see I am also feeling quite lost.

14
Apr

Five Minute Friday - limit

Every Friday we unite for five minutes. Only five minutes, that's all we get, that's all we have. And then, right where we are, no edits or second thoughts, we publish those words. This week, we write on limit.

I reached my limit and left your home.
I set off on my own, ready to take this world on.
I had been planning and planning for so so long.
I knew what I was doing.
I was prepared.
I was ready.
I was scared as hell.
But when limits are reached, something somewhere else propels you, decides for you, and off I went.

I reached my limit and said goodbye.
We had been hurting each other more than building.
I missed you, I cried for you.
I thought of you so so often.
I knew I made the right decision, but I couldn't shake you or us.
I felt you everywhere I went. I was consumed.
But when limits are reached, something somewhere else propels you, decides for you, and off I went.

I reached my limit and left my career.
The one that raised me.
The one I loved down to my toes until I didn't.
The one that defined me, until it was too unhealthy to keep going.
The one that built me, and made me feel whole until I was missing.
I cried for us.
I couldn't believe I was considering this.
I was scared.
I was worried.
I was getting sick staying so I left.
Because when limits are reached, something somewhere else propels you, decides for you, and off I went.

I reached my limit, our limit, and said goodbye.
I didn't realize it was building but you did.
I didn't realize it was needed, but you did.
I was and am lost and devastated.
I had to learn to pick myself up, off of the floor.
I had to learn to start again, without us.
Because when limits are reached, something somewhere else propels you, decides for you, and off I went.

6
Apr

Five Minute Friday - complicate

Every Friday we unite for five minutes. Only five minutes, that's all we get, that's all we have. And then, right where we are, no edits or second thoughts, we publish those words. This week, we write on complicate.

Go.

I'm the Queen of complicating things.
How to get from point A to point B, I'll take you through all the letters of the alphabet.
How to deliver a sentence or a thought, I'll walk you through all of my thoughts. Every single one I have had since I was born.
How to navigate a situation, let me walk you to Guam and back and I'll get there.
I'm the Queen of complicating things.

That's why I need to get back to basics.
I need to remember that nothing has to be as complicated as I make it.
I need to remember that I can keep things a little more simple.
And I can take a breath.

And so I will.
I will lean into the simple moments of parenting.
I will keep my home, my business, my mind, simple.
I will have simple dreams.
I will move about simply.
I will keep simple routines.

And I will take a breath.

Stop.



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