27
Jun

Five Minute Friday - compromise

Every Friday we unite for five minutesOnly five minutes, that's all we get, that's all we have. And then, right where we are, no edits or second-thoughts, we publish those words. This week, we write on compromise.

You come to the table with your wants. What you are looking for, what you need to get out of this, what you would like to get out of it.

They also come to the table with desires, needs and wants. They come with a list of expectations, things that cannot walk away without, things that are a dealbreaker.

Both are supposed to walk away with a win and a loss. Both are supposed to walk away wanting more but feeling like they were able to get a little more checked off and a little closer to their desire.

Last night, I watched a documentary on the Supreme Court decision on marriage equality and I heard from the man that started his fight. He was unwilling to say he and his husband did not matter. He was unwilling to say their love did not matter, that their marriage did not exist. No, instead, he fought on. It took him years, decades and no matter the decision that day, he should be so proud of all of his effort. But, being proud of his work and dedication, that wasn't good enough. He needed this, he needed to be seen, valued and treated like a person. So, he fought on.

That's where we now stand with civil rights. This is not going to all happen in a blink of an eye. There have been so many people fighting for this cause for so so long. There have been so many aware and unsure what to do or what to say. But, we all started our fight and now, we will continue to march on for change. It will not all come together as quickly and rapidly as it should. It will be a long long trip. It will be heavy at times. It will really really suck most of the time, but last night, I was reminded that it's not enough to feel proud of the effort and dedication. There are some things we will not and cannot bend on. Being treated as human, being seen, being valued, that is something we will no longer compromise on in our America. Let's keep going.

Stop.

20
Jun

Five Minute Friday - worth

Every Friday we unite for five minutesOnly five minutes, that's all we get, that's all we have. And then, right where we are, no edits or second-thoughts, we publish those words. This week, we write on worth.

Go.

I have defined my worth by my busyness.

I have defined my worth by my career.

I have defined my worth by how many meetings I have.

I have defined my worth by how many races I run, how many times I push myself too hard.

I have defined my worth by how many tris I can get in, how hard I can work my body, how much I can burn and do.

I have defined my worth by how high I can raise a middle finger to my MS.

I have defined my worth by how determined I am

to accomplish

to meet goals

to set new goals

to grow

to learn

to work on myself.

I have defined my worth by my grit.

I have defined my worth by my exhaustion.

I have defined my worth by how many hard things I can do.

I have defined it by an agency that changed my life, and the impact I wanted to make, how much I wanted to give back.

I have defined my worth by working hard, the harder the better.

And then, I stopped.

I can do hard things, I don't need to prove it anymore.

I can run just one company and be more successful when focused, and not breaking my brain.

I can run just because I love the sound, the quiet, the way I feel.

I can do yoga to remember how to breathe and work out because my body feels good in motion, I feel good in motion.

I can work hard on me, for me.

I can share my laughter, my joy.

My worth is wrapped up in a lot of things

like how my daughter wants to spend time with me

like how my son wants to play with me

like how my husband wants to enjoy our time together

like how my dog loves our walks and our snuggles and smooches

like how my home runs and operates and the breathing room I am providing

like fun

and joy

and friendship

and my squad

and my framily

and my laughter

and my heart

and my compassion.

I spent a lifetime proving my worth, to no one but myself, and I'm tired.

So, I stopped.

Stop.

12
Jun

Five Minute Friday - how

Every Friday we unite for five minutes. Only five minutes, that's all we get, that's all we have. And then, right where we are, no edits or second-thoughts, we publish those words. This week, we write on how.

Go.

How did this historical school year come to a close? How did we make it through all of these months at home plugging away? How did we make it all feel so normal when it was anything but?

How did 2020 manage to level us and allow us to rise, all at the same time? How did it quiet us and slow us down and make us worry and make us panic and allow us to appreciate what really matters and allow us to give up what doesn't and change how we all interact and continue to fight for what is right, all while fighting a pandemic? How did we survie?

How is it only June? How is it not 2037 because these days are short and long and never ending and passing too quickly and stubborn and easy and hard. How is it only June?

How is this summer going to go? Things are starting to open up but camps are closing and children are bored of being home and parents are working and we are all surviving and how are we surviving?

How will this end? How will it be when we all come out of the other side? How will we treat each other, how will we move forward for change and equality. How will we speak up and how will be find the right balance and how will we move forward?

Stop.

7
Jun

Five Minute Friday - stay

Every Friday we unite for five minutes. Only five minutes, that's all we get, that's all we have. And then, right where we are, no edits or second-thoughts, we publish those words. This week, we write on stay.

Go.

I stayed too quiet. I would be outraged for a few weeks. I would not move mountains. I am so sorry, I was wrong, I will look harder and deeper and closer to why and I will move mountains with you.

What if after a few weeks, we all get "tired" and move on. What if it all stays the same? What if we all go back to our lives? What happens in our communities? What happens to those that need us? Why would we ever stop listening? Why would we ever stop helping? Why would we ever stop change? Why would we ever stop fighting? Why would we stay right where we have always been? What is their world and what do they go back to?

We cannot let that happen. This is life and death. This is right and wrong. This is the time. I will not hide my children from the media. I will not allow them to be protected from this. They will hear my cry, they will stand with me. They will be told they are privileged and have a responsibility, as a human,

to kneel

to stand

to walk with

to listen to

to ask questions of themselves and their loved ones

to lose "friends" to challenge themselves and family

to be part of the solution

to demand change.

We cannot stay where we are. It is a matter of life/death, right/wrong.

This is my message to the black community, to people of color we have wronged and turned our back on...

You matter.

Your life deeply matters.

I see you.

I kneel with you.

I stand with you.

I walk with you.

I am listening to you.

And I am so sorry.

22
May

Five Minute Friday - forward

Every Friday we unite for five minutes. Only five minutes, that's all we get, that's all we have. And then, right where we are, no edits or second-thoughts, we publish those words. This week, we write on forward.

Go.

Each Friday, I plan, in detail, my next week. I look at my meetings/events scheduled, I prioritize my to do lists. I figure out what I have to do and when. And each week, as I look forward, I keep deleting all of the "things" we had planned since they no longer are happening.

In the beginning of the year, I had planned to slow down and take things easier. I had planned to find a new rhythm and slow dance. I had planned for things to be calm and bright. Fast forward to March of 2020 and the world stopped spinning. At first, it was the exact pause I needed and maybe it still is. But as it continues to fly forward, I don't see an end and I don't see a solution and I don't see how this will ever change. I only see the pause and isolation.

I, and my family, have been very fortunate. It is a privilege that it has taken me this long for it to feel heavy. I am privileged, no question about it. I am healthy, I am strong, we are both working, my brand new leap of faith business is still going. So, with knowing this all comes from a place of privilege, the weight is starting to feel a little heavy. I don't know if I can keep going and going without an end and without connection. So, today, I say a little please to the universe, a quiet little prayer. I would like to start looking forward once again and having something to look forward to.

15
May

Five Minute Friday - normal

Every Friday we unite for five minutes. Only five minutes, that's all we get, that's all we have. And then, right where we are, no edits or second-thoughts, we publish those words. This week, we write on normal.

Go.

I was never really fond of the word, and I hate it even more now because it's always connected to "our new normal" and no one knows that that means yet.

I feel as though the wheels are starting to fall off. The only thing that is "normal" is that we all need connection, in some way, we need people and connection in our lives. I need to have a meal with loved ones. I need to laugh with a friend. I need to squeeze and hug someone so hard I never want to let go. I want to see someone smile and their eyes light up, but not on a screen, I want to see someone.

I need to hear all about someone's day/week. I need to know how they are going, I need connection. I miss my people. I miss miss miss my people.

My little people miss miss miss people. God, they are longing for people. They are just waiting for any connection, any time, anything. They just need to know when they can see people again because they need to feel like there is another side to all of this.

I know we also need to focus on businesses and opening up the economy and what that all looks like. I know how important that all is, and how we all have so much to figure out.

I know this isn't the worst thing. I know this isn't the end of the world. I know how lucky I am, how lucky my family is, I know. But, I just miss people and I don't feel normal right now. I don't feel full and I just want a normal connection again. Even this introvert wants her people and needs them to feel normal.

Stop.

8
May

Five Minute Friday - refrain

Every Friday we unite for five minutes. Only five minutes, that's all we get, that's all we have. And then, right where we are, no edits or second-thoughts, we publish those words. This week, we write on refrain.

Go.

For the first time ever, the world is being asked to refrain from doing but together we must act.

We must refrain from hurting and spreading and allow our earth and our bodies to heal.

For a long time, the earth has asked us to refrain from spreading and growing and doing and hurting, and now, we are all doing so much by doing nothing.

We are all sacrificing, some are mourning, some have lost so much more than others, some don't know where to go from here, none of us know where to go from here.

There is so much worry and concern and we all want to help so don't refrain from connection. The one true statement is that connection is the direct link to happiness and that is what we are all missing most right now and what we are all still doing...connecting. Don't refrain and go away, we all need each other and this world needs us. Reach out and keep your arms and hearts open.

We have all been asked to refrain from doing and together, we are creating a world of action.

2
May

Five Minute Friday - distraction

Every Friday we unite for five minutes. Only five minutes, that's all we get, that's all we have. And then, right where we are, no edits or second-thoughts, we publish those words. This week, we write on distraction.

Go.

It seems as though many are looking for a distraction to get through these days. But, what if you were always distracted and you need a pandemic to have a new perspective? What if you used every excuse as a distraction and now, you are finally able to sit and see and feel and be okay. What if it took the world to no longer spin for you to find a sense of normal and stop being so damn distracted?

I was distracted with busy and work and hours and hours and hours of exhaustion. No, I was not the only one. No, it's hard for a lot of working parents, stay at home parents, single parents, people, life can just be hard sometimes. So, no, I was not special and no, I am not that important. But distracted was the name of my game for sure and how I lived most of my days.

No, it was not all bad. I still saw my kids and they still felt loved. I still had fun and found a good routine. There were moments I felt my hum, I didn't just hear it, I felt it in my body. I felt it vibrating and I felt so so good. But, once you lose that hum, once you are just doing to do, once you are "getting through" a week or a time or a lifetime, that's not a life worth living and you are too distracted.

No, I didn't have much of a choice. I made decisions and sacrifices for our family, I did what needed to be done and I wasn't keeping myself distracted to NOT face something, I didn't see a way out and even with space and distance, I would go back and do it all over again just this way.

I was able to set up some space, some security, I was able to do it in the way I felt most comfortable, I planned and I worked hard. All of that is ok and it was a "short time" in the grand scheme of life. But, distracted I was. So now, I look a little harder. I take in the view more, or at all. I find different routes to run, I really pay attention. Now, I spend time showing my daughter things and talking to the kids a lot more. Now, I'm a little less distracted.

Stop.

25
Apr

Five Minute Friday - Perspective

Every Friday we unite for five minutes. Only five minutes, that's all we get, that's all we have. And then, right where we are, no edits or second-thoughts, we publish those words. This week, we write on perspective.

Go.

It's all in the way that you look at it, it's all that you see, it's all that you decide to focus on.

This is what we all do, every single day, all day long. I am much more of a see the glass half empty kind of person. I feel the darkness linger way before the sun sets. I think about worst case scenarios, I play them out in my head, I walk through them, I put myself there, I live there for a while, and then I pull back.

So why now, when the entire world stopped spinning, am I seeing things a little differently? Why now am I slowing down and not panicking all day every day? Why I am lingering in bed now? Why I am napping so much? Why are my daughter and I laughing so much, my son and I snuggling? Why am I noticing our puppy so much more? Why am I lingering so much? Why do I feel like I have no time when I have all the time in the world? Why do I feel like not doing so much? Why am I not wanting a routine? Why is this my perspective right now?

Why, as worried as I am about the health and wellness of our entire world, and the economic health of every single person, why am I also worried about when this all goes away? Why, as sad as I am that so many people I have to see behind a window, do I feel so so close to those I really love? Why is my perspective all out of sorts?

I'm just not that important.

Even when the world stops spinning, it still finds a way to go on.

Even if you are not going on all cylinders all of the time, things still get done on their own time.

Most importantly, why did it take a pandemic, why did the world need to stop spinning, for my perspective to finally change?

17
Apr

Five Minute Friday - another

Every Friday we unite for five minutes. Only five minutes, that's all we get, that's all we have. And then, right where we are, no edits or second-thoughts, we publish those words. This week, we write on another.

Go.

It's another day, another week, another month of isolation.

It's another way of trying to figure out what to do, what to continue doing, what to do now.

It's another long walk. It's another home work out, it's another cup of coffee, another glass of wine. It's another day of all of us together, it's another day of me trying to find a moment alone, it's another day.

It's another whirlwind of emotions. It's another day of being really thankful for how lucky and privileged I am. It's another roller-coaster ride of figuring out how to make it stop feeling so daunting, stop being so worried. It's another way of me trying to make plans and to dos when you can't. It's another way to plan and wanting needing a plan when you can't. It's another day.

It's another day of lots of talking and lots of family time and lots of eating. It's another day of being totally fine with it because we all need some grace. It's another day of letting go and trying so so hard to find normal, new normal, what another day will look like when they all look exactly the same but so so different.

Stop.

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