Childhoodtake2!

"So much we take for granted"...

Like the sound of our puppy's feet.
Or the sound of her sleeping.
Like the smell of the season changing.
Or the smell of our children's hair.
Like how family comes together.
Or like how it is defined and created.

Like a good book.
Or a great TV show.
Like a warm fire.
Or a deep calming bath.
Like candles burning on a gray day.
Or how the sun makes rainbows dance in our house.

So let us sleep outside tonight
Lay down in our mother's arms
For here we can rest safely

Like how deep down the littles really care about each other.
Or how they both love on Pearl.
Like how much I adore you.
Or how much you try to make me happy.

Like how I start every day with a walk and end it that way too.
Or how I made a mental shift with exercise.
Like how my body is changing and how much I am learning.
Or how much I am letting go of.

Like how our house is really a true home.
Or how many memories it holds.
Like a tradition I just created.
Or how I harp on the ones I've already set in place.

One sweet world
Around this star is spinning
One sweet world
And in her breath I'm swimming
And here I will rest in peace

Like how the summer night sky is filled so many stars it takes your breath away.
Or how a winter night walk feels so calming and quiet.
Like how swimming feels so tiring.
Or how the sound of the ocean makes me fall asleep.

Like how a good storm makes me giddy.
Or how a snow storm makes me feel oddly secure.
Like how morning coffee brings me to life.
Or an evening glass of wine makes me melt away.

Like how yoga is so grounding.
Or like how a good run is so good for all of you.
Like how much love there is all around.
Or how there is peace in rest.

One sweet world
And in her breath I'm swimming
And here I will rest in peace

This week, I read a beautiful post from a wonderful woman who spoke on how it can be so simple to find little things in this world to make you smile. Make you happy. Make you slow down a little, appreciate a little more. She set out a challenge...find what makes you keep going. Write that shit down. Make yourself remember the things that make you feel like you are living, actually living. Things that breathe life back into you, make you so content, comfortable, and at home. So, I made a list. And not my regular "get this done" list but instead, a make yourself remember there are so many things to be happy and appreciative of list. This is my list of love.

• Rain…the sound, the smell, the clouds, the gray, the dark.
• Waking up before anyone especially if it’s still dark out.
• But also, sleeping and napping at all hours, any time of day.
• The heaviest of blankets.
• The smell on my hubby’s chest, it smells like home.
• My kids’ actual belly laugh.
• My puppers kisses and hugs…because I have a dog that gives actual hugs.
• Seeing my husband love on our dog.
• Seeing my husband belly laugh at our kids.
• Pop-tarts…for real though.
• Looking through old pics of the kids.
• My fireplace and how much my puppy loves the fireplace.
• How much my puppy loves her crate.
• How much my puppy loves her family and you can physically see it!
• The glow of soft lights.
• Coffee, I have such a deep-rooted love for coffee.
• A lit candle.
• My bathtub.
• A good robe.
• The sound of a bat as it hits a ball, that crack gets me.
• The look of a grown man’s face when he is so happy you can actually see the little boy in him.
• Watching basketball, especially college, most especially with my family.
• Long runs when I have 0 training scheduled, because I'm just running for the love of running.
• The very end of yoga because laying down is my favorite.
• Waking up and realizing I have so many more hours of sleep ahead of me but I’m not struggling to fall back to sleep. Because again, I love to sleep!
• A really good kiss, because you are a really good kisser, even decades after our first. 
• This fall, I don't know if I was just ready to really watch it all happen this year or if this fall has been especially exceptional but we really do live in an amazing area. I feel like we are living in a movie about a place that has a beautiful fall. There are leaves everywhere, the air is crisp but still warm, the colors are gorgeous…it has been magic.
• Family bike rides and family walks with the puppy.
• Playing a game together as a fam, I just love spending time with you guys. 
• A gray day.
• A new snowfall.
• Snowshoeing!
• Watching the kids sleep.
• Holding hands.
• Quiet.

I have so much to love on every single day. I need to remember how lucky I am and how much good I can find in my days. It is not always easy, I focus a lot on what I can be doing, should be doing, could do differently, need to work on and lists that look so different. But this list, this is a list we can all make and all take in. And slow the hell down and remember that life gives you reasons to smile. Life gives you reasons to slow down, you just have to take a breath and remember that your own list is there for you.

Maybe it was being raised in a loud household with a lot of yelling. Maybe it's because I'm introverted. Maybe it's because my world seems to be crazy and loud most of the time. Maybe it's because my husband is so loud in every. single. thing. he. does. Maybe it's because I'm a mom and get asked a bunch of questions, or constantly talked to, or pulled at, or asked to help, or be held, or open a door, or a snack, or wipe, or blow a nose, or change, or find a toy, or fix a toy, or end a fight. Maybe it's because Anna wakes up talking or that Cole spends most of his waking hours upset and frustrated. Maybe it's because Mia is fighting for attention and her hearing is going so she spends a lot of time barking. Maybe it's because of my job, or my decisions, or my choices.

The reason doesn't matter.

The truth is, gray days with rain or snow falling bring me peace, and calm, and warm my insides. They are what I think of when I think of quiet. They are my definition of quiet. They make me feel human again and like myself. They are best cherished in my little house, falling on my roof.

They can turn a day when I feel the need to cry because I am hardly surviving. The days that I feel like I am really failing, as a bride, as a mom, as a CEO, as a friend. Days when I feel like all of my energy has been wasted on the wrong thing. It's the water that reminds me of my ability to survive and find strength and not only is tomorrow another day but with kids, five minutes from now is a completely different moment.

That's why I love the rain. That's why snow days stuck inside my home fill me with love. That's why when I'm not feeling like myself, I know that watching the rain come down washes away any pain. It reminds me to sit in the quiet and breathe. It washes over me and is delicate. It is soft. It is warmth. It quiets the noise.

I have found my inner peace. OUR world is covered in a fresh white snow, my daughter and husband are giggling outside while plowing the driveway, my son is sound asleep and I'm making hot chocolate while doing a little work. All is right with my little world. I have found a way to make it all work and today I feel like a success. It is the snow that brings about a peace. Covering us in white makes me feel calm, fresh, cozy and trapped inside my wonderful little house.

At dinner tonight I was talking to Cory about how broken I feel. How this month has been filled with so much heartache, loss, illness and tragedy. I went on to whine about how it doesn't even feel like the holidays, there is no snow, it's not really cold, and he even joked about us having a reversed seasonal disorder. Then, I went to turn off our porch light and the most peaceful beautiful snow is coming down and covering our yard, just in time. — with Cory Houser.