Dear stranger

There is an interior designer that I follow, I have for years and years.
Lately, I don't even follow her for her home interior design (which I also love) but I am drawn to her.
Like all women who carry themselves with grace, confidence, and drip with an urgent fire, I am drawn to her.

Because I am drawn, not to my opposite, but to my balance.
And she brings out my own internal fire.
I am learning from her, a complete stranger, a woman that has no idea what she has brought into my world, no idea who or what or why I am...I am learning from her.

Dear stranger, It started with the way you talk about yourself.
You have a sense of self that I respect, but deeply respect.
And each time I see a story of you, each time I watch you pose and showcase your work, your outfit, your home, your art, yourself, I am reminded of two things:
1. I don't think I can ever grow up and be you.
2. I don't have to, but I can learn from you.

Dear stranger, let's start at the beginning.
I first realized my pull to you when you spoke about money, so openly, so candidly.
I then felt drawn to how you talked about leaving your 9-5 and starting on your business and believing in yourself...sound familiar?
I then saw how success didn't just follow you, you worked for it, but you made your own path, built your own table, made your own seat, created a new game with your own rules and then wrote your own damn book.

Dear stranger, you showed up for you.
You didn't take no for an answer and the whole time, you built something with the people in your life.
You didn't step over anyone, you elevated others as you kept going.
Yes, it did sound familiar.

Dear stranger, and then there is the self-love you have for your body.
I heard you casually talk about your body.
I heard you say things I have heard many women say along the way...
I'm proud of what this body can do...and then you called yourself an athletic build and it all clicked with me.
Athletic and proud of it.
Curves and flipping loves herself.
I don't know why you saying it hit me differently but it did. Something clicked inside of me.
Maybe it was how casual you were about it, almost like a throw away of...I have nothing to say about my body other than I love it and I'm proud of it...but something connected.

Dear stranger, I went to work.
Even though I am not someone who will ever be confident, even though I will never own a room or a camera. Even though I may never fully love the body I'm in and walk with a sense of respect that I deserve...it's okay. I can learn from you.
I went to work and I got this.

Dear stranger, I can separate the two.
I can remember that self-confidence can be separate from self-love and respect.
Even though I might not fully believe in myself and my expertise and my being, I can love who I am.

Dear stranger, not that you or anyone asked, but here's a little something about me.
I am someone that is always interested in knowing better and doing better.
I am someone that works on herself - but a lot and in all areas.
I am someone that pushes her body physically, mentally.
I am someone that has proved time and time and time again, I can do hard things.
I am someone that pushes through fear and allows it to fuel, not stop her.
I am someone that left her forever career that was ruining her and started something from nothing.
I am someone that believes in love, in its strength and I value that love and honor it.
I am someone that believes in connection and how much humans need each other.

Dear stranger, I too built something.
I too want my company to be my last chapter.
I too now have an athletic build.
I too now have curves and muscle and muscle mass.
I too work to elevate others.
I too want to go farther with those I know I can count on.
I too desire connection and bring in those I feel close to and love on them hard.
I too no longer wanted to play the game, or sit where I was being asked to sit. So I too built a different table, started my own game and made my own rules.

Dear stranger that I am learning from...
I am learning to put myself in my top five.
I am learning to love on me.
I am learning to lean into my body.
I am learning to love what it has done for me, how much it fights for me, and how much I fight for it.
I am learning to take many more pictures of myself and share them and tell myself that I matter.
I am learning to matter and to take up space and be a little louder by being more quiet.
I am learning to spend more time on rest and quieting my brain.
I am learning about self-love and self-respect and learning more and more about myself.

Dear stranger, thank you for sharing yourself.
Thank you for existing and thank you for meaning something to someone you never even met.
One day, I hope to bloom like you have.
I hope my soul grows up to be like yours.
I hope I attract the love and light that you do.

Dear stranger, I have and am continuing to learn from you.

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