Every Friday we unite for five minutes. Only five minutes, that's all we get, that's all we have. And then, right where we are, no edits or second thoughts, we publish those words. This week, we write on absence.
In the absence of protection, I built walls.
In the absence of support, I created supports.
In the absence of encouragement, I proved over and over and over that I could do hard things.
In the absence of unconditional love, I went searching.
I angered many along the way.
I got my heart broken because of my own hard lines.
I would wash my hands so easily.
I would fight any fight just to fight.
I fell for people hard.
I was searching.
When I found what I never knew I was always looking for, I felt a weight lifted.
I felt lighter, happier, and at peace.
And when I started to create my own family, I built my own protections.
I built my own support, encouragement, and unconditional love.
I stopped being so mad.
I retired my fighting gloves.
I stopped proving I could do hard things and I started appreciating what I did.
Through all of this, I have always loved my people.
I have always looked at others who just know what to do and how to do it and why they are doing it in awe.
I have looked at their healthy personalities in awe.
I continue to learn from you because, in the absence of guidance, I found my own light in the darkness.
Now, with our kids at this stage, this age, this time in our lives...I am leaning a little more on my own instincts.
What works for us.
In the absence of anger, I have found a way to be more open.
In the absence of being constantly angry at myself, I have found a way to be more self-accepting.
In the absence of self-doubt, I have found my way.