Every Friday we unite for five minutes. Only five minutes, that's all we get, that's all we have. And then, right where we are, no edits or second-thoughts, we publish those words. This week, we write on access.
In this year, things have to be different. I have to be different. I am the common denominator in my chaos and I have to be different. I have to.
Which means I need to provide less access - to me, to my heart, to my energy.
That is so different for me...
...because the honest truth is, I'm suffocating. I suffocate my relationships and I ask and expect too much.
...because the honest truth is, I'm just as much to blame. I am trying to fill a void and that is not fair.
...because the honest truth is, I'm a lot and not everyone can be with me.
...because the honest truth is, I need to take a step back and see who has access to me, and I need to make changes.
All while still being me and having my one and only superpower shine through.
I need to provide less access - and that is so hard for me to figure out, but I need to.
That means I need to realize when and why I am uncomfortable.
I need to find a way to speak up and say that I am.
I need to process...less.
I need to think about it...less.
I need to explain it...less.
I need to speak up...more.
I need to, at the very least, say that we are headed down a hurtful conversation and I need to step out.
I need to do better.
I need to live up to who I am and I need to remind myself that I matter too...I matter.
I need to realize no one is responsible for making me whole.
I need to make myself whole.
I need to find my voice, my love, and my self-respect.
I need to show up much more for me.
I have not been well and I have felt depleted and I have been depleted.
And now I have to do better by doing a little less.