25
Mar

Five Minute Friday - blame

Every Friday we unite for five minutes. Only five minutes, that's all we get, that's all we have. And then, right where we are, no edits or second thoughts, we publish those words. This week, we write on blame.

I go back and forth.
Blaming only myself, blaming only you, blaming both of us.
My mind is just trying to understand how and why.
I can make sense of some of it, but always thought we would be always and forever.
My joy and fun are gone - because your hearts are no longer in our home.
My joy and fun are gone - because you are.
My safety is gone.
My love of life.
My always and forever.

There are times I am so mad at myself, I second-guess every decision.
There are times I am so mad at you, how dare you cross such a line.
There are times I want to run back into your arms.
There are times I am so sad.
There are times I realize it had to happen, and that we are all better for it.

There are times I blame you for everything.
You held so much power, you were the one in control, and holy hell did you hate losing control.
There are times I pushed and pushed and pushed.
I pushed so hard and every button, I allowed my anger to always win.
There are times I blame you for who I am.
There are times I thank you too.
There are times I fight to not be anything like you.
There are times I lean into who I am because I am proud of what was created.

There are times I am so mad at myself, I second-guess every decision.
There are times I am so mad at you, how dare you cross such a line.
There are times I want to run back into your arms.
There are times I am so sad.
There are times I realize it had to happen, and that we are all better for it.

Blame is all about who was right, who was wrong.
But in the end, none of that matters. None of it really matters.
You either push past, march forward, or walk away, march on.
Who was right, who was wrong be damned.


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