22
Jun

Five Minute Friday - choice

Every Friday we unite for five minutes. Only five minutes, that's all we get, that's all we have. And then, right where we are, no edits or second thoughts, we publish those words. This week, we write on choice.

I would love to think I have a choice in how it feels.
I would love to think I can choose not to feel this way.
I would love to think I can choose to walk away and not feel anything.
But that is not life.
So I am choosing to stay and sit with this for a while.

I wish I could say that choosing joy is the answer.
Truth be told, I sometimes work hard to choose joy.
But I also realize you have to feel and work through the pain.
You have to stay in it as long as you need to.
As long as your heart needs you to.
Besides, to really appreciate the joy, you need a little bit of pain.
So I am choosing to stay and sit with this for a while.

I wish I could say that it doesn't matter, that words don't matter.
But we all know how untrue that is.
We teach you to not say hurtful things, but we forget that lesson as we grow.
We forget to take care of each other's hearts.
We forget that we have a choice in how we handle conversations and we forget that our choices come with consequences.
So I am choosing to stay and sit with this for a while.

I am choosing to work on myself. I have decided to move on from my reactions.
I am choosing a different way but I need some skills. I need some tools.
I need to find a gentler path. I need to find my heart again.
Sometimes, I need to choose me.
So I am choosing to stay and sit with this for a while.

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