11
Feb

Five Minute Friday - consume

Every Friday we unite for five minutes. Only five minutes, that's all we get, that's all we have. And then, right where we are, no edits or second thoughts, we publish those words. This week, we write on consume.

I make sure you are not my whole life.
I make sure to remember that our window together is forever closing.
You will move on, you will grow and move out, you will find your place/space/family.
I make sure not to be consumed by you.

I realize that motherhood can feel all-consuming, but I don't allow it to be.
I make sure to remember I cannot be all-consumed.
I make sure to remember that I came here with a person I want to remember on the other side.
I make sure to remember that each phase has its different consuming parts but I need to create space.
I make sure not to be consumed by you.

I remember that my job is my joy.
I remember what it was like, felt like to be all consumed by my work.
I remember the resentment, the loving, and living it to death.
I remember how sick I got.
I remember how much I suffered and how much I lost.
I remember what it felt like to be all consumed by my work.
I make sure not to be consumed by you.

It's easy to fall into the path of consumption.
I love you both so much that it makes my insides hurt, how can that not consume my thoughts, and my body?
I love my work and love to work and love to be working and find a hum and rhythm. Why would I not want to always feel that way?
Why would I not want to hear my fingers on my computer and know what to do today?
Why would I not want to be devoured by this feeling?

Because I have been there.
Because I have seen the destruction it causes.
Because I have seen lost parents, unsure what to do now.
Unsure who they are and what their purpose is.
Because I have been lost.
I have been unsure who I am if not my work, my drive.
Because I know it's all fleeting and what matters is not to be overwhelmed all in.
What matters is the dance and the finding of yourself in other things.

I remember to not be consumed.

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