Every Friday we unite for five minutes. Only five minutes, that's all we get, that's all we have. And then, right where we are, no edits or second-thoughts, we publish those words. This week, we write on deny.
I've watched you do it, deny the news, deny the reality, deny the outcome.
I've watched those that love you do it too.
Sometimes the pain of the future is so hurtful that denial is protection and necessary.
And I've gone back and forth between allowing you to believe, have hope, have some faith, and deny the reality of the situation...and still holding strong in the truth.
I do a weird thing too.
To protect me.
It's not denial, it's going to the extreme of the worst case.
I call it my protective coat.
I feel myself slip into it, and I know when I have it on vs when I know something is up.
Even writing that down feels weird to say but there are times when I reach for the coat and times when my body is telling me, you don't need it, this is actually happening.
The coat though, I think the coat keeps me warm when I turn to cold situations.
And when I turn to cold thoughts and feel as though I need to harden myself.
The coat keeps a thin layer of distance between me and feeling.
I guess that too is a level of denial.
I understand denial differently these days. I understand the need to protect yourself, your family, your heart.
I get it now.
I also get acceptance and how that can be a long long journey or change in an instant. I've seen both happen.
I get the process that we all need to go through, denial is an important part.