Childhoodtake2!

Every Friday we unite for five minutes. Only five minutes, that's all we get, that's all we have. And then, right where we are, no edits or second-thoughts, we publish those words. This week, we write on different.
Go.

I am looking forward to the new year
I think I always do
I see it as an opportunity
a chance to change
a chance to be different and act differently
a chance to make a difference.

And so, I started thinking and planning and really outlining how I want my life to look.
The changes I absolutely have to make
how I am on constant repeat
how I am responsible for most of the noise.
I started reading about how healthier, happier calmer people live.
What they hold on to, what they hold close, what they don't allow near them.

And so, I have started my list, my plans (which is very like me) and one of the things I am going to do differently is to use how I do things to my advantage, and no longer feel badly about them.
No longer feel less than but proud of my style and use it to work for me, not against me.

The first change, how I eat.
When I get stressed, tired, overwhelmed, one of the first things to go is eating.
I forget to eat, I run out of time, I get home and am starved because I have been depleted.
I am going to eat differently, create a healthy routine and eat more often.
I am going to work to find out what foods bring me energy, what foods bring me pleasure, what foods keep me going.

The second change, I am going to upgrade my tools and my life.
I always put me last and end up sacrificing so much time because I can just deal with it.
Everyone needs something when you are a parent and so things like your computer, your bags, your shoes, your suits, your stuff take a back seat.
I am going to go through my home and office and find the time crunches and I am going to upgrade my life.

Third, gratitude.
I am going to physically write down what I am thankful for.
I am going to focus on the good and joy of my day, the happy.
I am going to spend days/weeks/months not complaining.
I am going to help my family through this process and remind each of us, how lucky we are.

Fourth, the positive argument.
I am going to stop being resentful of "all I do" and I am going to make lists of things that others do for me too.
I am going to remember that my priorities, my desires do not match anyone around me, that does not mean they do less, they focus on different things.
Things that are not important to me, but are still needed.
Whenever I feel resentful, I am going to sit down and make the positive argument for those that I love.

Fifth, self-care.
I am going to focus on my quiet time.
Meditate
do yoga
find space
journal
write and pay attention to my blog.
Grab a cup of coffee alone
buy a shirt I want
buy a candle
make small changes to my own self-care.

Sixth, forgiveness.
Of myself.
Forgive my mistakes
do not stop breathing because I made them.
Do not feel them in my toes and make me shake.
Make an effort on focusing on the change I need to make next time and putting it to bed.
That means I have to face the mistake head to head
I have to really concentrate on my part, take responsibility and move on.

Seventh, connections.
I have close friends all over the place and I will make a concentrated effort to connect more.
With them
and my family
and my person.

Eighth learning more about me.
What is working
what needs changes
what about me can work to my advantage
what motivates me
what are my strengths/weaknesses
what can I use to move me forward?
How can I use that with all the people I encounter during my day
can I read them quickly too and figure out what makes them work and accept them for who they are?

Ninth pride.
I will write down and feel full of my accomplishments.
They are not random
they are not by chance.
I work hard, I will continue to find ways to work smart
but I sacrifice a lot to get to my goals and I will acknowledge them.
I am running two businesses
I am a mom of two
I own a house that we renovated and are turning into a home
I run long difficult races
I do triathlons
I run half marathons
I train alone
I volunteer
I take care of my community
I write a blog for my second chance at childhood
I document their childhood
I protect childhood, fiercely
I love my kids and connect with them
I set traditions that are their foundation
I show love
I should be proud of myself and stop the self-ridicule.

Tenth, a gracious and loving heart.
This one I stole from a friend that reminded me that all marriages should start and end on this note.
Your person puts up with your crazy and your lazy as much as you put up with theirs.
There is so much they are forgiving without an apology
so much they are letting go
so much they are trying to let roll off their back,
you have to have a graious heart sometimes and do the same.
You took them as is
you will grow together
the trick is growing in the same direction
growing with love
growing with a gracious loving heart.

Different, I am working on me this upcoming year and I am working to make things different for my life, my heart, and my soul.