Every Friday we unite for five minutes. Only five minutes, that's all we get, that's all we have. And then, right where we are, no edits or second-thoughts, we publish those words. This week, we write on expectation.
I have unbelievably high expectations. I expect too much.
Out of myself.
Those that I love.
Those that love me.
I expect the love of my life to love me in a way that makes me feel loved.
I expect those that I work with to give their all with love.
I expect my family to have been there for me in the way that I needed.
I expect my friends to be framily and show up as I do - like the family I always wanted.
I expect my kids to be well behaved, respectful.
I expect myself to work hard.
I also expect myself to have balance.
I expect that I will set and meet goals.
I expect that I will work my body.
I expect that I will also be gentle on my body.
I expect that I will be a good parent, bride, friend, framily member.
I expect to be there for those that I love, always and forever kind of be there.
I expect to be a really good mom - nothing about perfect, but really good and always learning and trying.
I expect to take walks with my girl.
I expect to snuggle with my monkey little boy.
I expect a loving household, built on traditions and care.
I expect that love to seep out of all of us.
And damn, when expectations are not met, I do not respond well. I get hit really really hard. I fully and wholeheartedly take responsibility for my expectations being too high for people...almost difficult to meet too high. I fully and wholeheartedly take responsibility for my part and my crazy.
But I also know that with this comes a girl that loves deeply. Loves with all that she has because she doesn't know how else to love. There comes a girl searching, looking hard for what she feels she needs. There comes a girl that wants the best out of her family, but also gives them the room to make mistakes, grow, learn...kids so desperately need that. I know the part I play in this. I know how I set myself up to be let down. But I also know that to know me is to know true connection, true deep love. To know me means that I have let you in and I take that so seriously. I can either keep apologizing for who I am, I can keep trying to be different. I can keep saying that maybe it's possible for me to be different, or I can accept this part of me.
I set the bar high, I know. But if I am so willing to accept and love others, I have to start showing up for me in the same way.