Childhoodtake2!

Every Friday we unite for five minutes to write on one word. Only five minutes, that's all we get, that's all we have. And then, right where we are, no edits or second-thoughts, we publish those words. This week, we write on hidden.
Go.

I rise.
I start my days in the dark.
Before the world is up, before there are lights and shouts and demands.
I start it in my little office,
getting the work done, getting myself settled, checking off my boxes.
And some ask how or why or do you need to?
And no, there is no need, just the desire to stay hidden just a little longer.
Just the calm and solitude that comes with this time.
How clear I can think, the writing that pours out of me, both professionally and creatively.
The emails I get to delete, the to dos I get to wash away.
Because the world is loud,
parenting, is loud.
Because the house wakes up as if on an alarm.
And once it starts, there is no off switch until night falls again.
And there are days, I want to stay hidden.
Head under the covers, shouts of childhood down the hall.
Days when the noise is too much, the workload too heavy.
Days when I want to be forgotten.

But that is not a possibility.
I signed up for all of this.
I signed up for motherhood and home ownership and responsibility and a career and heavy and being pulled in every direction.
I signed up for your childhood.
So I will not stay hidden in the shadows.
I will put my foot forward for you.
I will show you what it looks like to be full and how to keep going.
I will move for you, take the covers off for you.
I will open my eyes and lift myself out of bed, I will cover myself in warmth as I head down the stairs.
I will keep me going because you keep me going.
And there will come a day when you too need to decide, do I hide or do I rise?
And please remember how even on the hardest of days,
I didn't stay hidden.

Stop.