Every Friday we unite for five minutes to write on one word. Only five minutes, that's all we get, that's all we have. And then, right where we are, no edits or second-thoughts, we publish those words. This week, we write on miss.
Sitting in my office, a seasoned mother comes in.
A mother with no more babies, just lanky almost men living in her house.
No more small, no more cute.
No more stepping on toys, but tripping over guitar equipment.
No more worried about fevers, but terrified of the future.
And with actual tears, she says, "I just miss my baby, because I will never have him again".
And that's when the tears spill from my face too.
Of course she loves the teenager her son has become,
he's amazing, and their relationship is strong.
But, she misses a little boy she once knew that will never again be there.
Of course she is growing with him, as all mothers do because they have to.
But, she misses goodnight kisses and arms around her neck.
And she says to me, no matter how hard it is now, just enjoy them.
Not patronizing, not declaring she knows it all, just realizing there is so much I will miss of these little faces.
Because there is so much she misses of hers.
And it all happens too quickly.
Last night, I saw a blossoming couple madly in love.
One plus years into their relationship.
Just now moving in.
Embraced, smiling, so full of hope and new.
And I said to her, you remind me so much of us, all those years ago.
And with more tears, it makes me kind of miss us.
Yes, I adore our story and I mean adore it.
Yes, the years we have grown into us, I wouldn't take away.
But, never again will we be that carefree, that able to just love.
Never again, even when they are grown, will we be able to feel that new.
So yes, I miss that version of us.
Growing up, growing old, growing together.
There is such gorgeous beauty in it.
We know each other like no other, all of our secrets are out.
We have a special dance, a long and amazing journey behind and ahead of us.
But I miss newborn babies.
I miss little feet learning to walk.
I miss first words, first hearing mom.
I miss little high chairs and bottles.
I miss holding you whenever I wanted, I miss baby snuggles.
I miss oh so crushing little.
I miss new, exciting, calm, love.
I miss you being my only thought.
I miss early days of getting to know you.
I miss very little responsibility.
I miss pure joy, all of the time joy.
And here is how I know that I love my life,
if given the chance to do this all over again, I would, as long as it guaranteed doing it again with all of you.