Childhoodtake2!

Every Friday we unite for five minutes. Only five minutes, that's all we get, that's all we have. And then, right where we are, no edits or second thoughts, we publish those words. This week, we write on order.

Go.

There's a peace to order isn't there? There's a balance and a calm. At least for this highly scheduled, regulated, tasked, desperate for order and calm mama. There's a beautiful peace with it.

So what happens when that mama marries messy? What happens when kids are introduced and your pre-teen keeps reminding you that it's her room, not yours. So, I can keep it how I want it, not you. What happens when all over her home there are piles. Just piles that "I'm going to take care of". Piles that need homes, piles that need to be moved out. Piles on top of piles.

This mama panics and goes nuts. She loses all energy and can't function. She shuts down.

Order is how I manage, it's how I cope and function. It's how I move through life.

But, I've also gotten really comfortable with legos all over my home. I actually love seeing them. I've gotten comfortable with the books that she has so many of that she can't find room. I actually love seeing those too. I've gotten comfortable with the toys that he loves, because little by little, his little is fading.

So, although the piles and the messy sinks and bathrooms and clothes all over make me itch and squirm, there's something loving about parts of the mess too.

One day very soon, I will have all the order I want back.

Stop.