Every Friday we unite for five minutes. Only five minutes, that's all we get, that's all we have. And then, right where we are, no edits or second-thoughts, we publish those words. This week, we write on secret.
It's my number one family rule, in our house, we don't keep secrets, we keep only surprises.
Secrets are too heavy loves.
Secrets feel sneaky and carry a hint of lies and possibly shame.
Secrets can get us into trouble and sometimes can get us hurt.
I don't like secrets, only surprises.
But lately, you have been having trouble with this one.
You have been keeping things from us in the worry of "getting in trouble" and that is making me worry.
Are our voices to sharp?
Are our consequences too severe?
Are you living in fear of reactions?
How else and what else can I add to the list of ways that I fail you?
But as we all know, parenting is all about learning and all I can do
is keep listening to you,
keep molding to you,
keep changing with you.
I want to remind you that I am not here to make you feel worse.
I am here to help you learn.
I am not here to rub anything in.
I am here to brainstorm on ways to handle it differently next time.
I am not here to be the example of perfection
because no one is.
I am here to remind you that everyone makes mistakes, even grownups, even parents.
And all we have to do is take responsibility for them, learn the lesson and move on.
I do not want a home of secrets, I want a home full of trust.
I want you to know that we are your base, we are the foundation and we do not judge
we shape and grow and nurture.
We love you and that will never change.
There is nothing you can and can't do to make me love you more or less, that is just fact.
So let's get back to our house rule.
Let's understand why it is in place.
Let's remember how much we will always love.
Let's stop keeping secrets and open back up to each other.
Let's remember that this is the one weight you do not have to carry because we are here to take the load away.
Ah! I can so relate on this parenting journey. I also don't like secrets but surprises. I reflect frequently on how my parenting impacts on my relationship with my daughter. Your FMF neighbour.
We struggle with this at our house too. I keep trying to remind them that sin will always be found out. (Also that they will get in worse trouble for lying than for the original infraction). I remember when my daughter told me a secret a friend told her to keep. It was clearly weighing on her. It was in no way dangerous but I could see she needed to tell someone, and in that moment I was glad she trusted me enough to tell me.
Such a tricky area trying to teach kids about secrets. Okay, there's a lot of tricky subjects for parents and kids!
Such good parenting principles... It can be so hard sometimes!