Every Friday we unite for five minutes to write on one word. Only five minutes, that's all we get, that's all we have. And then, right where we are, no edits or second-thoughts, we publish those words. This week, we write on tree.
Go.
One of my least favorite books to read to my kids is The Giving Tree. Filled with reminders of leaving, letting go, sadness, lonesomeness, and having to move on but being rooted in the ground, paralyzed by the memories.
All she wanted was to keep him a little boy, climbing and swinging, having fun and needing to be with her too. But he grew, and loved others, and left. He took and took from her and in the end, left her a stump, with nothing left to give.
We all do this with our kids, of course we give until there is nothing left in us but a fear, a fear that makes me stay up nights, or wake up in a cold sweat, is that at the end of this journey with the two little faces we put on earth, I will look at my future, have nothing left in me, be filled with a sadness that leaves me a tired old stump.
But today, I have little ones. I still have years of little noses and toes and smiles. I still have climbers and kids that want to swing and be small. Kids that want to laugh and play and grow with me. Kids that reach for me, that call for me, that make me feel mother.
It's tomorrow that I worry and wonder. My job is to make you go, raise you to the point of independence, get you out there to do your thing, it's my entire job. But, what if I end up that tired, empty stump.
Stop
Ah Sabrina, that is every mother's fear. I identify so much with your words... time passes far too quickly, and before you know it your newborn is 4 months old and starting to move and you wonder where that time went! :'(
But our Daddy has promised that if we are to grow them in the way they are meant to be grown, if we plant them in good soil, if we water them with love, grace and His word, then they will not depart from it, and they will not depart from us, ever. For we will be with them in eternity.
It makes me cry thinking about the future and wondering when that day will come when they won't need me anymore. But it is in those moments of worry that we need to remind ourselves to live in the NOW and enjoy every single second, every single drooly minute, every single hug and squeeze. Store them up so that when they DO leave, you will not be left an empty stump. You will be FULL to the brim with love and hugs and kisses and thanks. For the time you gave up and the bums you wiped and the love you poured into them. That's the amazing thing about giving love... the more you give, the more returns to you. Take heart, Mommy friend. Lots of love from me in South Africa. xxx
This was what my heart needed to hear. Thank you.
I read a Family Circus comic one, the gist of which was that the mother's love was not divided among her children, it was multiplied. Because love isn't something that drains a mother, but it overflows from her, endlessly; you'll continue loving your kiddos even when they're grown and out of the house. Yet, it's also important to find true joy and hope in Jesus Christ, because He is the only One who can give true life, now and for eternity.