Hello Babbo...it's been a year

Hello Babbo.
It's been one year.

You would be amazed and proud of her, I think anyway.
You'd also be mad but that's your way.
She worked hard through her dark days.
She slowly found her smile again.
She still cries and cries a lot, but it's no longer every day.
She smiles more now and I catch her laughing with her whole body sometimes and it's the sweetest.

She is watching a new baby...which you would hate...but the joy it brings her and the toddler is something magical.
The two of them are attached and that little girl is in love with her, and of course vice versa.
I'm amazed and proud of her, but that's my way.
She found her way through the thick of the dark and she found some way to shine.

She visits you all of the time and every single time, she cries.
She says that you fought always, but it was so much better to have someone to fight with instead of having you gone.
She hasn't moved a thing of yours in the house yet.
She still won't sleep in your bed, and she won't hear of getting a new one to see if that will help.
She's still on the couch, and she says she's most comfortable there.

She took a trip to Italy and it made her fall in love with happiness again, but it also left her feeling like you would be so so mad at her.
God, the struggle to get her to go and the guilt she felt, but that's her way.
Every time she called, she would mention the beautiful things she was seeing, how at peace she was in the churches, and how happy she was that she went, and then her voice would crack a little, you were always with her.

As for us, well, we mourned you.
Cory and I would mourn you so similarly. We don't do anything similar but this one hit us both in the same exact way.
For the first three months, I cried every time I took a run.
I don't know why there was a release in my runs, but there was.
He would cry when he saw a picture of you that hit him hard.
And even though you and I didn't have an "I can't wait to tell my dad this" relationship or an "I just need to talk this out with my dad" relationship, I missed you Babbo.
We both did.

We started planning our projects this year and both broke down crying.
Cory saying he can't believe we doing anything without you and how he missed how proud you would be of his work.
I don't know what that's about, how both of us needed your approval, but it's there.
Just last week we took down the backsplash you installed. The one you were so pissed about when we showed you. The one you said "I don't believe in this" when you saw what we picked out.
And, I'll be damned, I'll give you this one, I never loved it. And when it was chipped away, I cried. So, yeah, maybe you were right this one time.
The night it was taken down, you came to me in a dream, I know you were haunting me...half pissed, half telling me how right you were. The contractor said, "damn, this is really on there!" and I reminded him that my whole house could crumble to the ground but my shower and my tiles, they would remain for life...that's the Frank way.

The kids, are amazing. You would be in awe of how gorgeous they are.
You would also be so pissed at how much freedom we give them, especially Anna.
At 14, she has really become.
She has really stepped into her groove and you would find her so beautiful but you would hate how I'm raising her, that's your way, that's our way.
Cole is getting bigger too, a little less squishy but not with his Nonna. He holds a special place for her. He holds her really close and still snuggles right in.
He would be the same with you, I know it.
When she spends the night, which is so infrequent, she sleeps with Cole. It might be the cutest thing I have ever seen. And when we sleep there, he sleeps on the couch with her. Yeah, they're still squishy together.
He is with his dad too...really into sports and anything with a ball. Still a tornado that always has to be moving, even in his sleep.

For a while, we tried to do dinner with her every Sunday, but most times, she feels like she is intruding so she won't stay. We've talked about her long-term plans, but she won't let her mind go there.
We've made it through every first without you...your birthday, all the BBQ holidays you would host, the winter holidays, Mamma's birthday, all of it, without you.

So, it's been a year.
One without you.
I still can't believe it.
I was telling Zia Michelle and Zio Rob that I cannot believe anything in this world took down a force like you, but it did.
You are actually gone and have been for a year.

So it's been one full year, without you.

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