I promise.

In less than three weeks, you start on this great big adventure,
and I get to watch and cheer from my sidelines.
And so sweet boy...

I promise to take my proper place
I promise to cry in private
I promise to beam and take pictures and have a smile as big as yours in each and every one
I promise to make it all about you and not at all about me
I promise I am really proud, I swear I am not faking it at all
I promise I am in love with how ready you are
I promise I am just as excited for you
I promise to love your teacher as much as you do and I promise that too is not fake
I promise to watch you climb that bus
I promise to hold it all together until you pull away
I promise to count the minutes
I promise you will be great
I promise you are so ready
I promise to be on your side
I promise you will make all of the friends
I promise you will laugh and smile so much
I promise this is your time
I promise to be ready because you are ready
I promise to follow your lead

I have watched and cared for and carried you, sweet boy.
I have loved every second of our time together, five amazing years.
I have loved how we found a quiet moment of us, especially because you're my number two.
I thank you for your flexibility
and your patience
and your ability to quietly play.
I thank you for always being so creative
and for your excitement to just be with your toys, in your own world.
I will miss you
I will miss our time
I will miss these days
the ones you gave me.

See, I am not ready, not really, but you are and therefore I promise to be too.
Your dad is all a flutter, like always, just happy for you.
Your sister, she is excited to take good care of you on that bus and to be the leader she is.
She already has it all planned, how she will sit with you, how she will walk in with you.
I know how ready you are.
I know how much this makes you beam with excitement.
I know you want to meet all of the kids and your teacher
I promise to follow your lead and have you feel only the light of love from me.

But, in this safe place I hold,
the one I want you to read one day,
know that your mom had to be brave.
She was so sad to let you go even more than she has.
She is in love with your face and wanted more time.
She just wants more time with her little ones.
Because this is only the beginning.
This is only the start
and for her, it feels like the end of a very special moment of parenting.
And endings are always so tough for her.
So, she was brave lovey
and you were strong for her.
She wanted to cry and hold you and tell you it's not time
instead, she remembered her promise, the one she has to make over and over and over again
and she let go.

I promise I will always love you, even from the sidelines.

Now, you go do you because you're the best you I know.

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