As we are coming out of our fog...
our three years of cries and screams and not knowing how to keep it all together.
Years of the house being in turmoil and trying to forget about the construction and the walls and concentrate on the home.
Years of pushing our kids away by demanding certain behaviors that were unreasonable.
Years of turning away, not towards.
Years of believing we were both right, and not realizing none of that matters.
And trust, losing sight of our trust,
in each other, in our parenting, in ourselves.
Until the fog lifted
and we found the other side
and we brought everyone back.
And here is the thing,
I trust you.
With them
with me
with us.
I trust you with my heart,
the one I carry with me
and the two I wear on the outside of my body called Anna and Cole.
And I trust them too.
I trust them to know right from wrong.
I trust them to make as many mistakes as we make, and I trust their apology as much as I trust ours.
I trust them to lead with kindness and love.
I trust their hearts.
I trust their voices and I trust they are listening.
I trust them when they say they are scared, or when they are happy.
I trust their questions and I trust they will always have a voice.
Because I have to.
There is no other way.
I have to trust all of us to do right.
Not perfect, not without stumbling, not without many mistakes,
but right.
With apologies, and love and so much more love.
I have to trust that we are raising them right, even though neither one of us has a clue what we are doing.
I cannot live without trusting their decisions in life.
Trusting them to come to us when they need help.
Trusting them to realize when something doesn't feel right.
Trusting them to realize when they need to walk away
from a situation
from a person
from a moment in time.
I am not willing to experience the consequences of not trusting them, me or us.
Because that leads to a life of dependence
of shattered worlds
of no resiliency
of crumbled humans that feel broken at every turn and twist.
Instead, we will trust them.
And we will build strength and courage.
We will build tiny people who feel that life has many stumbling blocks, but never enough for them to quit.
We will build them up
we will raise them right.
Because when you are raised in love and comfort
when you are raised to be trusted and safe
when you are raised to know you have a support system, but you also have this all on your own,
you become who you are meant to be.
Wonderful, glorious them.
And watching them become people,
actual people,
guiding them through their big emotions
their let downs
their failures
their mistakes,
that has been the hardest, longest part of our journey.
But, I trust us.
I trust you and I trust us.
To do this.
