14
May

It means everything

To mother means something, to love like one means everything.

I am not your everything, you are not mine. But together, we are everything I ever wanted to be.
As I enter my 15th year of motherhood I have learned that

  • I miss my babies
  • I have made so many mistakes but have no regrets
  • I apologize often
  • I remember so much of your childhood and believe I always will
  • You continue to teach and lead, I continue to learn and follow
  • You will always be more ready than I am and I just have to take a deep breath and trust
  • You are the best people I know
  • You are who I want to be more like

I still want you to know that

  • There is nothing you can do to make me love you more or less.
  • I am still learning. Anna, you are forever and always my first attempt. Cole, you will forever and always want and need to do it differently so I'm still learning.
  • I am so so happy that I picked the bigger life and decided to say yes to motherhood. You are my best decision.
  • You both make me melt with pride. And love. And like. And amazement. You make me melt with all of it.
  • I might actually love you more than Pearl. Maybe. Kind of. Sometimes. When the moon and stars align just right.
  • I wanted this life. I never ever knew it, but I wanted this exact life.
  • Your dad always knew you would be a part of his story.
  • You have honored me and given me the privilege of having a front-row seat to this life you are making for yourself.
  • I am in love with you.

To mother means something, to love like one means everything.

To love like a mother means that I would give up my life for you, but not who I am.
I would give up my breath, but not my air.
I would give up my ability to walk and talk, but not my voice and rhythm.

I have gone through the stages of infant-to baby-to toddler-to child- to big kid-to teenager.
I have loved like only a mother can. As only a mother can.
I have loved with all that I have and all that I was.
I love with all that I have and all that I am.
I have broken up with myself and my person and my old life.
I have found a new me, a new us, a new life.
I am grateful to you for all that we are.

To mother means something, to love like one means everything.

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