Childhoodtake2!

Sometimes, for some mothers, with some of their children, falling in love with your child is a slow process.
It may take time to see the person you held for nine months to become the son/daughter you hold.
Sometimes, although love and protection are there, it takes a little while to get to know them,
and it may take time to find your rhythm.
But, when you do, the dance is the picture of perfection.
That's how it was with your sister.
God I loved her, but it took me some time to get to know the real her.
I remember the day I fell deeply and madly in love with her,
the day that she became my daughter and the day I felt like not just a mother, but her mother.
And I remember our first year together was the most calm and amazing dance of my life.

But, when I met you sweet boy, it was different.
And because everything about you is so different from your sister, of course this has to be too.
See, I fell in love with you the moment I put my eyes on you.
And you sweetheart, you looked up at me in a way that fixed all the broken.
You were and are my one and only love at first sight.

And our first year wasn't calm.
Actually, I felt more like a first time mother with you than I ever did with Anna.
But, that's okay, because you made me strong, you made me walk through fire and hell and still find love at the end.
You had a way of catching my gaze and holding my heart.
You were squishy and small and cozy.
You were drawn to me, so safe with me and you didn't have a problem showing it.
Your first words were mamma,
you didn't make me wait or beg for it,
you just wanted to call out for me.

I was your world, I was moon and stars and I loved you more than my heart could handle.
You had me gush and you had my love overflow.

You loved me in a way that I desperately needed in my life.
You found a way of fitting into me.
You completed a family that didn't realize was missing a piece of their puzzle.
You turned Anna into a big sister and made her heart fill with love so strong for a brother she adores.

You always had an ability to draw others in.
Even when you were two days old, I woke up in the hospital listening to nurses argue over who was going to get to change you.

And even now,
through all the tantrums,
through all the screams and cries,
through all the fights, with Anna, and us, and yourself,
through all the times you want for dad more than me,
you find your way back.
You bring me back to love.
You find a way of holding my gaze and you continue to hold my heart.
You have the tiniest voice even when it's louder than loud.
You have the greatest smile,
eyes that shine, hair that is all me.

You were born like your dad...full of new, full of life and full of frustration.
You were born like your dad...you have a smirk that melts, eyes that capture, and a heart full of love and trust.
You found two people who wanted for you and we are so lucky that you found us.
You picked us.
You were and are my one and only love at first sight.

You scare me Cole.
You have me worried most of the time.
And if I'm not worried, I am exhausted because you exhaust.
But, that's okay too.
You love to cry, but you love to laugh and laugh too.
You love to whine, but you love to say "thank you" too.
You love to scream, out of frustration, out of anger, and out of excitement too.
You love to make you and your presence known, you will define your space.
You love to hug and sing goodnight.
You hum when you are happy.
You talk to me from your dreams.
You look up to the big sister you created.
You will never back down, you will always be a fighter.
You were and are my one and only love at first sight.