Recently, I heard a mom describe parenthood as breaking up with yourself.
And it got me thinking about what I miss most about me, and my life, before you became a part of it.
Movie nights at the movies
A clean and tidy house
A body I loathed in my 20s
Privacy
Quiet...I think I miss this the most
Leaving the house in 2 minutes
Not worrying about the scheduling of daycare and who is going to watch them?
Dinner, just us two
Hiking
Snow shoeing
Mia's youth
Not having to constantly repeat myself...over and over
Not being the "example" all.day.long.
But, it also got me thinking about what I will miss the most when this part of our life is done.
And of course, it's all the things that I miss about my life before I broke up with it.
I will miss you singing
I will miss you two playing
I will miss kissing you goodnight and drinking you in
I will miss you sitting so close to me
I will miss how much attention you want from me
I will miss how you smell after a bath
I will miss how excited you are about being outside
I will miss how sprinklers are your favorite part of everyday
I will miss how you play
I will miss you curious you are
I will miss bed time stories
I will miss family movie nights
I will miss messy faces
I will miss sibling love that I get to watch develop and grow
I will miss you two eating together
I will miss Cole wanting to do everything you do Anna
I will miss getting you up and seeing you spring into your day
I will miss putting you down and watching you curl up into love of sleep
I will miss the childhood
I will miss the little
I will miss how small you both are
I will miss tiny voices
I will miss the hugs that happen with your whole body and
I will miss the smooches that happen with your whole face
I will miss this time, our time, just us five
I will miss Mia
I will miss childhood joy
I will miss you
I will miss this life
Because soon enough, I will have to break up with myself all over again. I will have to let motherhood go and allow you to be and create and accomplish.
I will have to watch you make mistakes and hold my tongue.
I will have to watch you to off to college.
I will have to watch you get that job.
I will have to watch you drive off.
I will have to watch you rent your first apartment,
buy your first home.
Get married (if you decide to),
have kids (if you decide to),
form your own family (no matter how you define it).
I will let go of your little hands.
I will say goodbye to another chapter and each and every year, I let a little more of you go.
But, you have given me so much to remember.
So much to keep me warm.
I will miss you my loves.
I will miss us.
