I remember every moment of this day.
It all started 24 long hours before you arrived,
and my memory is so strong that I remember every contraction, every moment.
I remember my water breaking, shouting up the stairs to dad.
I remember how annoyed his voice sounded because I was shouting.
I remember not wanting to leave for the hospital after I hung up the phone with the doctor.
I remember finishing up our last minute packing and going outside with Mia.
I remember brushing her and tears spilling from my face and dad coming out, sitting down next to me and asking "so, what's going on? Are we going to leave soon?"
I remember the drive in, watching all the houses go by and realizing how different our drive home would be.
I remember getting there, dad going to park and me walking in alone, telling them I was in labor.
I remember calling nonna and nonno, and your grandparents, telling them it was getting started but they all think it's going to take a very long time so no rush.
I remember every epidural, there were three.
I remember every fight dad and I had, there were also three (and no, they didn't correlate with me needing another epidural).
I remember how much I loved our first nurse and how much I hated the one I ended up with.
I remember throwing up, on dad, and secretly feeling satisfied about it because he told me I was being dramatic (one of the three fights!)
I remember zia there, coming in and out, wanting to fight for me.
I remember how much pain there was.
I remember my body finally giving out and passing out after the second epidural.
I remember every push, every mean word the nurse said.
I remember dad counting and her telling him to slow down and me telling him not to.
I remember the pain coming from my hips, the inability to rest between pushes.
I remember them telling me it was time to give up, time to take you.
I remember the cold and the shaking as my mom walked in to kiss me.
I remember her fear, she was terrified and I couldn't talk, the shaking took over.
I remember being alone, dad getting scrubbed up and me waiting, for surgery.
I remember being brought into the O.R.
I remember them lifting my lifeless body onto the sterile table, I remember not being able to help.
I remember dad coming in, his face mask soaked with tears.
I remember how scared he was, how many kisses he gave me.
I remember thinking in all of our years together, I have never seen him so like this and for the very first time, it was my turn to be there for him.
I am always the one falling apart and now it was my turn to be the strong and confident one.
I remember telling him that they are going to do this right, that you will be here and when that happens,
there's only her now, you concentrate on her when she gets here, I have a team on me, you worry about her.
I remember your cry...
and then it all went black.
It's been six years, and I remember it all.
But with that crazy Anna comes a mom that remembers all of you.
All of your wonder.
All of your amazing.
All of your milestones.
All of your firsts.
All of your lasts.
All of your noises.
All of our snuggles.
I remember falling madly deeply in love with you, I remember the moment, I remember where we were, I remember what you were wearing.
I remember all the company you got.
I remember each gift, who gave it to you.
I remember each outfit.
I remember when you became a big sister and how well you handled that!
I can't say that we did a good job in prepping you, it was you, your personality, your desire to be the big sister and love him from the moment he came.
I remember vacations, and all the holidays.
I remember summers at the track.
I remember your summers with dad.
I remember your first day of preschool, and kindergarten.
I remember how much more emotional I always am, than you.
You, you just burst with excitement and happy.
I am your past, your history, your keeper of all memories.
I hold your entire story.
So anytime you have a question about what you did when, or how old were you when,
I remember your whole existence.
I remember you Anna.
I always and forever will.
Time will not take away my memories, they will not fade.
I am wrapped up in you, because you started my book of motherhood and
you are a part of my story.
So happy sixth birthday.
Six years of memories, six years of family, six years of stubborn, six years of wanting to please, six years of you.
And we thank you, for finding us, for keeping us, for your heart.
Thank you for making us parents, thank you for your love.
Thank you for six years of you.
SO beautiful Sabrina. Lots of tears after reading this. I love how you refer to yourself as the "memory keeper". So true...so true. You are beautiful my friend...in every way. Sending love and hugs xoxoxoxo
She really is magnificent, but all moms feel that way!